He must have a foot like a traction engine

We've all done things that we look back on in future years and regret profusely. Ben from The Apprentice, for example, will surely rue his decision to continue wearing braces throughout the recording of the show. That and acting like a total, er, banker.

Personally I'm already ashamed of the moment last night when I turned on my radio. It was a schoolboy error, and while I'd like to say my hand slipped and accidentally tuned it to Radio Cambs, I'd be lying. I wanted to see how the Villagers were getting on against Ebbsfleet, and was just in time to hear details of their latest comeback victory.

Those details flowed forth from the ever-eloquent mouth of Stutes commentator Dave Remnant. Now I've made my views on this extremely strange man clear before, and putting the boot in again when he is so obviously terrible at his job would seem needlessly cruel, a bit like stealing a small childs milky bar then punching them in the face for good measure. Fortunately Radio Cambridgeshire seem to have managed to find someone even more inept to be Remnant's sidekick, presumably in a misguided attempt to make their main commentator look good.

I don't know what the new mans name is, but be assured that he is more Alan Partridge than Alan Green. While I was listening Remnant commented that a player went "round the outside", only for his stooge to mimick "round the outside, round the outside", and chuckle to himself as he recalled the Malcolm McClaren song from back in the day. A bemused silence from Remnant followed. Then after Histon scored their fourth and made it 4-2, he proceeded to tell us that Ebbsfleet would need "two goals to draw, and three to take the lead". Partridge would be proud of such cutting analysis.

The result itself puts that other lot back in the play-off reckoning, and personally I'd rather they limped into the top five than some in-form side like Stevenage or Oxford. Nevertheless, we need the fake U's to do the business for us tonight, so I think I speak for us all when I say: OXFORD OXFORD RA RA RA!