Creepy Crawley:2 U's:1

On the way back from Crawley last night, I saw the man with the worst job in the world.

He was sitting on the back of a lorry moving very slowly along the motorway, and every five metres or so he had to drop a cone marking an area which is presumably going to be dug up by workmen. I imagine at 6am, or whatever time they stop digging, he goes along and picks them all up again.

Having said that, at least TMWTWJITW didn’t waste £8 of his hard earned cash watching United succumb to dismal defeat at the hands of Steve Evans’ well organised Crawley outfit. Evans refereed the game brilliantly from the side lines, and it was noticeable that in the first half Crawley got a lot of free kicks on their left (near the dug-outs) and in the second half a lot of fouls were conceded on their right (near the, er, dug-outs). I’m sure it was a coincidence though.

Anyway, it would be unfair to blame Evans for this defeat, which was all of our own making. Presumably JQ forgot to tell the rest of the players that the John Hartson lookalike who usually plays up front for us is injured now, as they decided to aim a continual stream of long, high, hopeful passes at diminutive strikers Boylan and Beesley.

With Crawley doubling up on Pitt and Gleeson, there was little space in wide areas either, and United struggled to retain possession. It was no surprise when the hosts took the lead following a spell of sustained pressure, although it was goal you would expect our usually watertight backline to have dealt with. A free kick floated over to the back post saw Lawrie Wilson beat Peters in the air and headed the ball back across the face of goal, where Kevin James arrived unmarked to nudge the ball past birthday boy Danny Potter.

We found an equaliser against the run of play, and inevitably it was Boylan who got it. Convery’s corner found Peters, whose goalbound header was deftly flicked past Ashley Bayes by LB for his 7th goal in 5 games. Crawley resumed their dominance, with Potter saving well with his legs from Pittman, and clutching an angled shot from Cook.

I don’t know whether the players got a half time rollicking, but if they did it had little effect, and Crawley regained the lead in the 58th minute. A diagonal pass from left to right found Cook, who beat Morrison and provided a cross which Danny Bulman volleyed home with Potter once more helpless.

You couldn’t really accuse our players of not trying, but quality and confidence were sadly lacking. JQ introduced Willmott and Collins in place of Peters and Convery and changed the shape to 4-4-2, and after this we were marginally better, with Willmott in particular getting some joy down the right. However, we rarely threatened Bayes (who, as ever, took the taunting of the U’s fans in good spirit). The closest we came was when a cross from young Robbie found fellow sub Jack Jeffreys. His shot was blocked but the rebound fell to Boylan, who turned in a trice and looped a shot over Bayes which clipped the bar and bounced behind.

It would have been a fortuitous point after what was the worst performance I’ve seen from a United side this season. One wonders whether, in McEvilly’s absence, a switch of formation to 4-4-2 would be prudent. The likes of Boylan and Beesley (who again had an ineffective game) are certainly more likely to benefit from quality crosses from wide areas than they are from the long ball garbage we were treated to last night. Sort it out Jimmy!

Man of the Match: Lee Boylan – Even though he didn’t do much, scoring the goal and having another shot on target puts him way ahead of any other candidate.

Bounce of the Match: A tie between the steward and the policeman who responded to the “give us a bounce” demands of the United faithful.

Read more...

Crawley

I was lacking the required inspiration to write something ahead of tonights trip to Crawley until I found these little gems from fat Scottish fraudster, sorry manager, Steve Evans on their official site.

“Jimmy Quinn should stop playing up to his fans," said Mr Kettle. “There is only one side going to win the league this year and they are Aldershot Town.”

Before he nipped out to meet that pot he's going to call black, Evans found time to heap praise on the Pittster, saying rather bizarrely: "He has two good feet and is lightening quick; although he is young he is a proper mans man."

Steve obviously hasn't read Courtney's post match interview from the Woking match, which suggests he is less of a mans man than he was before the rather painful sounding penalty incident, ho hum.

Anyway, I'm off to do battle with the M25 shortly. Hopefully it will be a worthwhile exercise culminating in another three points. Bounce bounce!

Read more...

U's:1 Cards:0

I wasn't at Saturday's game, and by the sounds of things it was a good one to miss. Still the most important thing is that we got the points, won when playing badly, and other such clichés.


And of course we're now three points nearer play offs. Or, if you're Jimmy Quinn, three points nearer the title: "It's down to 10 points now with Aldershot - and, if they lose a couple, it could be down to three. They're not over the line yet," said our leader after Saturday's match, showing a Richard Summerfield-esque grasp of numbers. Keep clutching at those straws though Jimmy.


The big downer on things is obviously the injury to Evil. Although we don't know the full extent yet, it seems likely to curtail the big man's season. While his absence will be a blow, it could well be the making of Mark Beesley. With Magno-inho not eligible for Tuesday's game against his former employers Crawley, it seems likely the ex-Forest Green man will start up front with Boylan. Games seem to have passed Beesley by to a certain extent when playing in the hole, and I believe being right up front alongside a clever player such as LB will see him flourish.


Of course we will have to make sure we don't feed our new-look, diminuative, strike force on a diet of long balls, and will need a creative midfielder to link play and get the ball into their feet. So step forward Mark Convery - if you want regular games this is probably the best chance you'll get to prove you're worthy of a place in the side.

Read more...

AOB: CD of the Week

The Charlatans - You Cross My Path

I like to think of the Charlatans as my musical comfort blanket.


I'm sure this isn't the highest accolade Tim Burgess and Co have ever received, but that doesn't make it any less true. In an ever-changing music industry packed with scruffy-haired teenagers trying a bit too hard to be 'wacky', the Charlatans just get on with what they do best; namely making innovative, high quality, music.


Unlike many veteran (despite Burgess's ageless features, they certainly qualify for this tag after 18 years on the road) rockers, the Charlies are not afraid to move with the times, and have made their tenth studio album, You Cross My Path, available as a free download, with a CD version set to follow later in the year.

Manager Alan McGee claims this is the bands best work since 1997’s epic Tellin’ Stories, a bold statement given the quality of more recent albums such as funky opus Wonderland and the tub thumping Up at the Lake.


Fortunately You Cross My Path doesn’t disappoint. Burgess is never one to rest on his on his laurels, and the band have moved away from the grimy undertones of last record, Simpatico, back towards the high-energy sound that characterised their earlier work.


The slow-burning Oh Vanity is not an archetypal opening track, but any song containing the line "Now I'm all grown up to be/a paranoid schizophrenic" (trust me, it rhymes) can't be bad. The tempo is soon upped thanks to the frantic drum-intro on the albums high point, Mis-takes, while Missing Beats (of a Generation) is another outstanding track which will surely cement a place in the bands live catalogue.


Download You Cross My Path here.


Top Tune: Mis-takes


U's Blog Rating: 4/5

Read more...

AOB: Michel Platini is great

Not much to report from the good ship CUFC this week. We can only hope that the lack of news coming out of the Abbey means there haven't been anymore players picking up ankle injuries.

Anyway, I'm a bit of a Francophile as it goes. In fact next week I'll be heading across the channel for a holiday with my lovely (half-french) girlfriend, where I'll look forward to eating good food, drinking good wine, and nearly getting run over by psychopathic Parisien drivers. In short, I'm a big fan.

But, even if you are less keen on our Gallic cousins than I, you can hardly fail to have been impressed by Michel Platini's first year in charge of UEFA.

It's nice to see a football administrator talking sense for once. Only this week Platini has stepped in on behalf of Cardiff, as a tide of buerocracy threatens to deny them a place in Europe next season should they triumph in the FA Cup. Previously he has come out in favour of reducing the number of teams from the Premier League qualifying for the Champions League, and condemned the "malign and ever present influence of money" in our game.

While this may all seem like fairly basic, obvious stuff to you and I, it's worth remembering that the best ideas from the other leading figure in world Football, FIFA's Sepp Blatter, involve female players wearing tighter shorts, making goals bigger and scrapping draws. He also encourages the "malign and ever present influence of money" into his own bank account, if ongoing allegations into FIFA finances are to be believed.

So yeah, well played Mr Platini. In the increasingly corrupt, cash-orientated, cartel that is world football, it seems at least someone in charge appears to have the good of the game at heart.

Read more...

Jimmy defects

According a much loved local family newspaper whose name this blog has decided to no longer mention, Jimmy Quinn is set to become a Histon fan for the night as they take on Aldershot. With JQ's welfare in mind, I've compiled this handy list of phrases which he can utter to ensure that he fits right in amongst his fellow Stutes, er, diehards:

"What do you mean Histon FC existed more than two years ago?"

"I never miss a match at the Glassworld unless Man Utd/Chelsea/Spurs are on tele."

"I've written to Amnesty International about those nasty, demeaning, pen pictures in the United programme on boxing day."

"Doesn't John Beck look nice in his little shorts."

And of course, not forgetting the most important one;

"COME ON YOU RIP-ROARING STUTES."

Meanwhile, in the same wholesome family scandal rag, Pinocchio says "It's a bit of a myth about the players having shackles on them and being robotic." However, footage of a recent match at the Glassworld would seem to suggest otherwise:

Anyway, yeah, lots of our promotion rivals are in action tonight. York has already done us a favour this week by beating Exeter, so lets keep our fingers crossed that Rushden, Grays, and Halifax, as well as Histon, can follow suit and do the business against Ebbsfleet, Burton, and Torquay respectively.

Read more...

Parsley:2 U's:1

What a weekend it was for giant-killing, with Barnsley making light work of Chelsea, Cardiff disposing of Middlesborough, and, er, Farsley Celtic putting pay to United's recent good run.

Ok, so it is perhaps wishful thinking on my part to call our result a giant killing, but we really should be taking at least a point from games against part-time opposition, regardless of the weather, or nasty referees, or whatever. The general concensus seems to be that we were pretty awful, and while Jimmy says the result was a "wake up call", one would hope the players don't need one of those at this stage of the season. At least Lee Boylan kept himself on the goal trail, and if he stays fit it seems possible that he could overtake Scott Rendell's (or Sub not used Rendell as he is apprently now known) tally by the end of the season.

On paper Magno Vieira looks to be a useful signing, given Jimmy's record of getting the best out of promising young forwards. Plus he is possibly the first Brazilian ever to play for Cambridge United, which is very cool. Even if he turns out to be crap, you'd prefer a crap Brazilian to, say, Danny Webb, wouldn't you? I'm hoping if/when he finds the net for the first time, the tannoy man will launch into a South American-esque cry of gooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal. Actually, I've just remembered that the Orient announcer used to do that, and it was rubbish, so maybe we'll knock that idea on the head before catches on, ho hum.

Read more...

AOB: CD of the Week

Goldfrapp - Seventh Tree


WHY is it that musicians so frequently feel the need to get in touch with their inner ‘folk’?

Perhaps it is the musical equivalent of a mid-life crisis that drives pop singers across the world to abandon their traditional styles and attempt to imitate Bob Dylan or Joni Mitchell.

Alison Goldfrapp describes latest album, Seventh Tree, as “a surreal folk album”. However, I would suggest the ambient pop of Air or Morcheeba would make for a more accurate comparison.

However you label it, Seventh Tree is certainly very different to Goldfrapp’s previous work, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Goldfrapp and collaborator Will Gregory certainly haven’t lost their knack for creating a memorable song. Happiness is a nod to the bands glam-rock beginnings, while Goldfrapp’s outstanding voice is at its breathless best on A & E and the poignant Little Bird.

Top Tune: Little Bird


U's Blog Rating: 3/5

Read more...

Fake U's:1 U's:2

Despite having been here for a couple of years now, Oxford are blatantly still in denial about their non-league status. £17 to get in? £2.70 for a programme? Just so you know guys, making everything expensive doesn’t mean the likes of Droylsden and Stafford will start resembling actual football teams.

As well, I don’t know who designed the Kassam Stadium, but one has to wonder what possessed them to put the stands so far apart? It doesn’t make for a good atmosphere and on a night like last night everybody gets freezing cold, brr.

Anyway, JQ made just one change to line up, recalling Dan Gleeson in place of the injured Stephen Reed, and allowing Pitt to return to the left flank. And Courtney should have given us an early lead, but dragged his left footed shot wide with Oxford stopper Billy Turley at his mercy after a good interchange between Boylan and Beesley created the chance.

Oxford started like the mid-table meanderers they have become, looking competent in patches without unduly threatening our backline, and it was no surprise when we hit the front. Pitt played Wolleaston in down the left, and his cross was met by Boylan, who looped his header over Turley and into the net. 1-0.

Unfortunately our lead was as short-lived as a Danny Brown comeback from injury, and the fake U’s were back on level terms two minutes later. A straight forward long ball caught the back three napping, and Matt Green latched onto it, beat Hatswell with ease and stroked the ball confidently past Potter with the outside of his boot. 1-1.

United resumed their domination, with Carden shooting wide from outside the box and Boylan hitting a tame effort into the keeper’s arms. Potter made one slight error of judgement just before half time, fumbling an inswinging corner, but fortunately there were plenty of white shirts on hand to clear to safety.

JQ made a half time change, introducing Farrell for the hard working but largely anonymous Beesley, and apparently switching to 4-4-2. I didn’t notice much difference in shape, but it was apparent that Carden was playing a deeper role, trying to fill the space that Oxford target man Craig McAllister had spent much of the first half drifting into.

Play switched from end to end with little in the way of chances, until we regained the lead in the 57th minute. Evil used to his strength to see off a challenge from Barry Quinn, and slide a pass into the Boylan, whose left footed shot across the keeper from just inside the box found the net. Vintage Boylan, 2-1.

Back came Oxford, and Potter turned a McAllister shot round the post as the home side pushed forward in search of an equaliser. Darren Patterson introduced two extra strikers and set his boys up in a 4-2-4 formation, but beyond throwing bodies forward they seemed to have little idea how to break down United’s characteristically dogged back line.

That said it was only thanks to some stupendous goalkeeping from Potter that we retained our lead during a five minute spell when Oxford seemed to have about a million corners and free kicks. His first (and best) save came from a Luke Foster header, which he twisted superbly to turn over the bar. He also parried away two resulting corners, and despite losing his bearings on the third flag kick, Courtney Pitt came to the rescue and headed clear a goalbound shot.

Oxford offered little after this, and United played out the last ten minutes fairly comfortably, with Evil using his bulk to good effect to keep the ball in the corner during four long minutes of injury time.

This winning business is getting a bit monotonous now to be honest, I’m getting fed up of saying the same thing ever week. But with Aldershot having just one league game in the next couple of weeks to our three, it’s not totally beyond the realms of possibility that we’ll be just one point behind the leaders going into the Easter period. And yes, I know that contradicts what I said yesterday, but it’s a football fans prerogative to change his mind, isn’t it?

Man of the Match: Danny Potter – Another display of excellent goalkeeping which probably won us two points.

Naff sponsorship of the Match: “Congratulations from the Oxford Mail” announced the tannoy man after Green’s goal. Perhaps we could get the Evening News to do a similar thing. Or not.

Read more...

Oxford

Everyone knows that our awful long ball style makes us a disgrace to Non-League, a festering boil on the bloated backside of the Blue Square Premier. Jim Harvey says it, Colin Walker says it, every other bitter manager whose team we’ve beaten says it, so it must be true.

With this in mind, it amused me to see the Setanta commentators bigging up Torquay - a team who for my money are several times more direct than us - at every opportunity during last nights Torquay v Aldershot match. “They always try and score goals” noted the ever-insightful Paul Parker, demonstrating that he may slowly be getting to grips with the point of football, bless.

I’ve watched Paul Buckle’s men on about four occasions now and they’ve yet to overly impress me. Their mode of play seems to involve bludgeoning anyone who happens to be in their way, either by using their superior speed or power. Not that I blame them for playing to their strengths or anything, but it’s probably no surprise that they’ve been coming unstuck recently, especially against the better teams.

Nevertheless, they have some good players, and were doing a good job of keeping Aldershot within arms reach until Scott Davies (pictured) popped up with a last gasp winner. Poxy gingers, always up to no good, except Dave Kitson that is. And Ben Farrell. And Prince Harry, who did a sterling job of protecting our great nation from those nasty little Afghans, ho hum.

Anyway, I don’t think even our most optimistic supporter, or Jimmy Quinn, could make a realistic case for us winning the league now – it’s going to take a cock up of massive proportions from the Shots to give us any kind of opportunity. So consolidation of a play off spot has to be the aim, starting with three points in tonights Varsity Derby (sic) at Oxford. Bounce Bounce!

Read more...

U's:2 City:0

I’m actually beginning to believe that promotion can happen this season.

So far, I’ve been going along happily, enjoying the good results but half expecting the wheels to fall off at some point. However, the way in which we’re beating decent sides on auto-pilot at the moment suggests it’s going to take a fairly major reversal of fortunes to see us miss out on the play offs. And, if Torquay can do us a favour tomorrow night and turn Aldershot over, Jimmy Quinn’s claim that we can still win the title may not be as ludicrous as it first appeared.

For one game only I decamped from the Habbin to the main stand, and was surprised to see stewards advising that it was ticket only. This turned out to be because the bits of the roof had become dislodged by strong winds, meaning half the seats were unusable. Interestlingly, the destruction of the main stand roof was forecast last week by U's blog correspondant Dave Lee - I hope we don't have a saboteur in our ranks...

On the pitch, Mark Beesley returned to the line up in place of the suspended Morrison, facilitating a return to wingbacks with Pitt, not Wolleaston, filling Dan Gleeson’s shoes on the right, and Reedy moving over to the left.

York are no pushovers these days, and came to the Abbey on the back of one defeat in 19 games (at the Gepetto/Pinocchio Glassworld circus a couple of weeks ago). They surprisingly left influential skipper Manny Panther on the bench and, shorn of the Lemu’s towering presence up front, opted for a forward pairing of Onome Sodje and the wily Craig Farrell.

The early exchanges didn’t produce much in the way of shots on goal, with the swirling wind dominating proceedings. Evil headed a Pitt cross over the bar, while for City Nicky Wroe hit a free kick from just outside the box which had all the imagination and quality of a Mark Ronson record (seriously Brit awards judges, what were you thinking?) and flew harmlessly high and wide. York have some good players but too often their final pass let them down, and the home back three, marshalled expertly by Albrighton, were rarely troubled. United enjoyed the advantage in terms of possession, with Beesley and Boylan darting around effectively and Evil once more proving to be a mobile, powerful, fulcrum. The latter had a shot blocked after burrowing into the box, before Stuart Elliot rattled the frame of the goal with a volley which got caught in the wind and left Potter stranded.

Referee Pawson was certainly an improvement on the joker we had last week, but he did make one stunningly bad decision when Pitt was wiped out on the edge of the area by an Anthony Lloyd lunge. Amazingly Mr Pawson deemed the York full back to have played the ball, and waved play on.

Just as it looked as if we’d go into the break at 0-0, a supreme piece of opportunism from Boylan gave us the lead. Craddock looked to have Beesley’s pass over the top under control, but as he and keeper Tom Evans hesitated, Boylan stuck out a left boot and guided the ball into the net. Or if you prefer the BBC version, “Boylan fired home a stunning volley from the edge of the penalty area.”

I would hazard a guess that York’s problems this season have mostly been of a defensive nature, and five minutes after the break they contributed to their own downfall once more. Sodje tried in ill-advised backpass, which was intercepted by Reed, who was enjoying his best game for a number of weeks. His low cross looked to be too hard for Boylan, who was arriving unmarked at the back post, but the little striker somehow managed to get a shot on target from an acute angle that Evans could only deflect high into the net. Hurrah, 2-0.

York introduced Panther immediately after the goal, and switched to a 3-5-2 formation, but it had little effect and United played out the remaining 40 minutes fairly comfortably. The closest the visitors came was an effort from Martin Woolford that took a massive deflection and flew narrowly wide with Potter already committed in the opposite direction.

So having seen off two of the pretenders for the play off positions, United should travel to the Kassam Stadium in confident. Before that, I hope we'll all be getting behind the Gulls tonight and hoping they can open up the title race again.

Man of the Match: Lee Boylan - Plenty of candidates for this prize after what was an excellent team performance, but it was nice to see Boylan pick up a couple of goals as a reward for his hard work.






Sly wind up of the Match: The cheeky two-fingered salute Lee McEvilly directed at Stuart Elliott, after the York midfielder had made a couple of disparaging remarks about Evil's, ahem, ample girth.

Read more...