Wednesday 6 February 2008

AOB: Super Tuesday

For me there’s something a bit wrong about one of the defining moments in the race to elect the leader of the free world being named Super Tuesday. You half expect Simon Cowell to appear at some point and start critiquing Hilary Clinton’s speeches, or something. Personally I think they should just throw Clinton, Obama, McCain et al out the window and elect David Palmer from 24. Except that he’s dead, so that might not work.

Anyway, it was certainly a super Tuesday for me and anyone else who tuned into Radio Cambridgeshire last night and heard Dave Remnants wonderfully homo-erotic commentary on the Histon – Burton match. I realise that listening to Histon matches on the radio probably makes me a terrible human being, but bear with me for a bit.

Remnant is the worst commentator I have ever heard, and as someone who has in the past regularly listened to Steve Line’s ramblings, that’s not a title I would bestow on anyone lightly. To misquote Nick Hornby in Fever Pitch, he commentates like a man who has won a competition, the first prize in which is to talk about Histon games on the radio.

Last night we were treated to a discussion on tight versus baggy shorts, and accompanying underwear. Dave likes “nice tight shorts with a jockstrap,” and is also “half the man he used to be.” Sadly I’m not making this up, he actually said both those things. Live on the radio. In contrast, I’m pleased to report that Neil Andrews prefers to wear his trunks baggy. Amongst other things there was the wonderful anecdote about his pub quiz prowess, and the difficulties of spelling chinchilla.

All well and good unless you wanted to know what was happening in the match. For that it was best to listen to the bellowing of Beck in the background. Yes, Gepetto gave us an interesting insight into his tactical acumen, constantly yelling (I kid you not) “GET IT FORWARD, GET IT FORWARD.” And people say Histons’ style has no hidden depth.

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