Uh oh, we're in trouble, Chester's demise could burst our bubble

Another day, another defeat to some shite team I hadn't even heard of five years ago.

Even Radio Cambridgeshire seem to realise how poor we have become, mercifully deciding to stop broadcasting live commentary of last night's 2-1 defeat at Salisbury and blaming "technical issues". Listening to 90 minutes of static would have probably been more enjoyable than the match.

At least it was only in the trophy, but with every passing defeat the pressure continues to mount on Lingy's slender shoulders. Personally I still think he'll turn it round and am unconvinced that another managerial change would be particularly constructive; you might get an improvement in the short term but the new man would encounter the same problems as the present incumbent - someone else's players, someone else's assistant manager, and no money with which to remedy either situation. Certainly bringing in a long ball merchant - the kind of manager that is usually successful in a crisis situation - like the currently unemployed Mark Cooper is unlikely to be effective with the squad we have.

And please put me right if you think I'm being a bit blaze, but I'm still confident we're in little danger of being relegated. Chester and Grays are already down, and over the course of the next 16 games there are bound to be at least two other teams who are shitter than us. However, I'll be slightly less confident if Chester go to the wall, which looks a distinct possibility after they failed to fulfill their fixture last night. As most people are probably aware, losing the six points we nicked off the Deva Stadium outfit this season would leave us just one point and two places clear of the drop zone.

For once you can't entirely blame the Conference administrators for the Chester situation - afterall they inherited this problem in the summer from the football league. However, they shouldn't have let them start the season, and having allowed them to come this far I expect they're going to give them every chance to finish it in some form or other. Blue Square have yet to renew their title sponsorship deal, and acquiring a new backer for the league would be rendered all the more difficult if it were forced to limp through to end of the season minus one member. With this in mind I don't think we should get too despondant just yet; keep the faith people, we'll be fine. Maybe.

Creepy Crawley:1 U's:0 - loan rangers needed (and 20 word match reports)

I wasn't at Crawley on Saturday and am not sure what to make of the performance.

On the one hand the radio commentators were making sound as if we were knocking the ball about with the vim and precision of Brazil circa 1970, and that we were unlucky not to win comfortably. However, a glance at the messageboard suggests most people who were in attendance weren't so impressed.

Either way, it's obvious that Lingy needs to dip into the loan market, not least because Pottsy looks set to be sidelined for eight - 10 weeks with shoulder-knack. Re-enforcements are definitely needed up front as well; I know Phillips hasn't had that many games but surely time must be running out for him - I'm not entirely sure what he contributes, as he doesn't seem to be an out-and-out target man or a goalscorer. And as much as I harbour vague hopes that the Forest Green version of Mark Beesley will turn up before the end of the season, it seems highly unlikely, and I'm a bit bemused as to why Lingy continues to use him as a non-impact sub when Adam Marriott seems to have a greater effect on games.

On the match itself, here are the latest crop of 20-word match reports, the Broadfield toilets are getting a bit of love, and rightly so;

Powderpuff in attack.
I had two tuna sandwiches.
The Broadfield toilets are good.
Tired now, after a 'nothing' game.
- Me and the Palmer, get on fine

Encouraging-ish
Crow needs to practise shooting
He shanked two sitters
- Ling's Awkward Smile

The Us put in a disapponting performance @ Crawley The side looked void of ideas and inspiration.D Crow had Us best chance.
- @footiedad

Russell looked good, Reason played well, Evans was loud, Crow missed a sitter, the toilets were nice. And we lost.
- @RounderBrighton

20 word match reports - U's:0 Salisbury:0

A quartet of match reports for you today, two of which mention Steve Line. Very strange. Anyway here they are:

Passed on this one,
Instead, listened to Mark J.
The match sounded pretty dull,
Though also bored of Steve Line.
-Me and the Palmer, get on fine

Wasn't there last night but BBC's Steve Line told Johno he is working early breakfast for the replay. Lucky Sod!
-Ben Dunmore

Another uninspiring draw, huffed and puffed but nothing in the final third, gotta worry whose gonna get the goals.
@Jordan_Worland

Rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish beesley sitter rubbish rubbish rubbish gleeson sitter rubbish rubbish crap whistle.
@fluffyskg

U's:0 Whites:0 - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

For me the only two moments of note in last night's game came at the end. Neither was the full time whistle, although that did come as blessed relief. They were:

1) Learning that Brian Saah's injury is to his "private area", and required stitches. This begs all sorts of questions, most of which probably shouldn't be asked or answered on a family-friendly blog such as this. Get well soon Big Bri'.

2) While waiting for Lingy to emerge from the dressing room, a Salisbury player walked past, clapped me on the shoulder, and offered me a friendly greeting, before realising that we'd never actually met before. Quite who he thought I was I have no idea, but he seemed like a nice chap.

The game itself isn't really worth mentioning, such was its lack of any kind of quality. United tried hard, but looked powderpuff in attack, and Salisbury seemed to be playing for time for practically the whole second half.

I thought Coulson and new boy Dave Partridge played well at the back, and Reason and Crow both worked hard, but up front we had all the pace of a geriatric tortoise. There's no way 4-3-3 will work without someone like Willmott or the departed Holroyd who can run in behind and stretch the opposition defence. Beesley had a few good moments, but he's never going to be that kind of player, and neither will Phillips. In fact, it's hard to imagine what kind of player Phillips can be, he needs to find some form sharpish.

In midfield Ives appears to be badly in need of a rest, so I would hope Lingy will make some changes ahead of Saturday's trip to Crawley. With a few more players coming into the reckoning there's certainly scope to alter things a bit, perhaps going back to 4-4-2 with Willmott and Antonio Murray on the flanks. Or 4-3-3, with Carden, Reason, and Russell in midfield, and Willmott, Crow, and Murray up front. We'll have to wait and see what our leader decides.

*Send me your 20-word match reports on last nights game - cufcblog@googlemail.com, http://twitter.com/Us_Blog, or leave a comment under this post.

Deadline day shenanigans - Mark Cooper, Lisa Baldwin, Andy Parkinson, & Antonio Murray

"Nobody has given the bloke a chance since he was appointed 10 games ago and he has had to deal with one fiasco after another. I am of course unhappy that the results have not changed but at the same time I am not ready to throw the towel in as quick as others appear to be."

Anybody who read Darragh McAnthony's hilarious rant on the P*sh website last week would quickly deduce that the Irishman is not a happy man. But his decision to part company with Mark Cooper still represents a remarkable volte face after the above comments. The scummers are now looking for their third manager of the season, and we can only hope Cooper's departure is the catalyst for the return of Barry Fry to the managerial hotseat. Baz oversaw their last relegation from the Championship, so it seems only right that he should once more take the wheel of their rapidly sinking ship.

Not that we have much room to chuckle seeing as we now have Gareth Baldwin in our midst, a man for whom the truth has always been a fluid concept. Witness his denial in the CEN last week that his wife, Lisa, would be the new U's secretary: "But Baldwin denied speculation wife Lisa would reprise her role as Histon secretary at United following Wayne Purser's resignation - if he were to join the club. He said: 'People are putting two and two together and making 27. It's nothing I'm aware of and my understanding is the club are advertising the job."

So today's news that his spouse has been appointed as Wayne Purser's successor must've been a shock to Gareth. Better communication needed in the Baldwin house perhaps. I don't doubt that we've appointed a very capable individual, and probably the best candidate available, but the timing of this decision stinks like a block of vintage roquefort.

Anyway, in terms of player movement it's been quiet as a mouse at the Abbey, with rumours that Lingy was interested in Coventry's legendary keeper Steve Ogrizivic and disgraced Chelsea skipper John Terry proving to be spurilous. We have managed to ship out Andy Parkinson and replace him ex-Histon man Antonio(p) Murray, a deal which, if you believe certain posters on the CUFC messageboard, actually happened in the summer. Very strange that it's taken him so long to arrive, but at least he's here now I suppose.

I don't really have any strong opinions on Murray, other than that his head is a bit of a funny shape, but it's unlikely he can be worse than Parky, who must go down as one of the worst bits of business for CUFC since Ollie Morah (one for the teenagers there): "He [Parkinson] has conducted himself in an exemplary manner during his time here and we all wish him well for his future career" said Lingy, failing to specify what that career might entail. I can't see it involving football myself, but all the best to Parky, who would surely have been an asset to the club were it not for that horrific injury.

From what I've read it doesn't appear that Murray is an out-and-out winger, so his arrival probably signals an intention from Lingy to persist with 4-3-3 for the time being. With so many new players available, tomorrow night's game should be an interesting one.

Chris off - Holroyd move to Brighton back on?

It's been quite a day for revelations.

First we had Tony Blair declaring that he'd invade Iraq all over again if he had to - no surprise there perhaps. Then it was revealed that England's brave John Terry ((c) The Fiver) is the player who slapped (not literally I hope) a leading tabloid with a super-injunction to block them from printing sordid revelations about his private life. Sounds like JT will have some bridges to rebuild with his England pals, ahem.

And finally we have Chris Holroyd's on/off/on/off/on/off/zzzzzzzzzz move to Brighton, which, despite being declared dead in the water earlier today by their version of the CEN, appears to now be back on again. You gotta love local papers, haven't you? A story also appeared on our official site, then was taken down again shortly afterwards, possibly an indication of somebody jumping the gun in announcing the news. In any case, it would seem that it is finally a done deal. Maybe.

And it's probably best for all involved that Chrissy goes now. Admittedly our goal threat will be seriously depleted, but I'm not sure what sort of contribution he would have made had he been waiting around for a summer move. You may remember that Stuart Fleetwood's goal tally at Forest Green dropped off after Christmas a couple of years ago, when it became clear he would be moving on. I expect that even if a player is trying his best, subconsciously you must hang back a bit in fear of injuring yourself and ruining a potential big move.

The only problem with this saga having dragged on for so long is that Lingy now only has three days to secure a replacement. Hopefully he already has some targets in mind.

20 word match reports - Sports:0 U's:2

Hurrah hurrah, the road to Wembley continues to be paved with gold for Lingy's amber army. As Clive Tyldesley would've undoubtedly screamed had he been commentating on last night's victory at Eastbourne; NAME. ON. THE. TROPHY. Who can possibly halt our quest for glory? Except maybe Stevenage. Or York. Or Oxford. Or some other teams.

As you can probably tell from this rambling nonsense, I wasn't at Priory Lane last night, so I will leave reporting duty to my learned friends Ling's Awkward Smile and Me and the Palmer, get on fine. Good effort chaps (or chapesses);

Haiku Review:
Eastbourne yet again
Ives and Reason hit the net
Thank god that's over
- Ling's Awkward Smile

A report which doubles as an ode to a recently-departed amber soldier:
Pity it was so cold,
I had a hat on.
The game was ok,
Two-nil to the U's!
- Me and the Palmer, get on fine

*If you'd like to submit a match report - of 20 words or less - about next Tuesday's match against Salisbury/Maidstone, or any future match, you can email me via cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under a recent post.