U's:1 Fake U's:1

Paul Parker is a buffoon.

Not really breaking news I know, but I wanted to state it from the beginning asI let him off quite lightly after our match at Wrecsam, so pre-occupied was I with our total lack of quality on that particular occasion.

Having recorded Thursday nights game, I fast forwarded through a few of the highlights this morning, and every time I stopped to play a bit of action it was accompanied by some kind of nonsense eminating from the mouth of the ex-Man Utd man. Leaving aside his bias against the mighty U's, it always amazes me how someone who gets paid to talk on television can mangle the English language so spectacularly. Here's a little tip for you Parks; learn some adverbs. He didn't do terrific, he did terrifically, he didn't do brilliant, he did brilliantly etc etc. Moron.

Never mind, at least the presence of Parks and his chums from Setanta didn't cause us to lose an entertaining varsity derby (sic). In fact we probably could have won, though by the same token we could have lost about by about five or six.

Our chances of getting three points would have been increased had we not decided to give the fake U's a free ten minutes at the beginning of the game to try and score, which they duly did. No one in an amber and black shirt seemed to be at the races in the opening moments, and Oxford, full of the confidence that a new manager inevitably brings with him, took full advantage. Pottsy did well to block an angled shot from Adam Murray, who also shot narrowly over from the edge of the box, while Luke Foster was off target with a close range volley. They could have had a penalty as well when Lewis Haldane was crunched in the area by a combination of Tonkin and Pitt, but referee Quinn turned down his appeals.

Haldane was the creator of the opening goal though, when he skipped away from Pitt and McMahon, and put in a cross which deflected into the path of James Constable. He produced a nice shimmy near the by-line to get away from Bolland, and drove in a cross which Murray converted from six yards. Not a good start, 1-0.

At least the goal drew a bit of a reaction from United, and we won a couple of corners before the Crow spurned a golden chance to equalise. Carden tried a shot from outside the area which took two deflections and landed at Crow's feet. But with a clear sight of goal he slid his shot past Billy Turley but saw it rebound off the post and away to safety. Other than that United spent the first half suffering from their usual problem of having tonnes of possession but doing very little with it, with neither Willmott nor Pitt getting into the match and the front two looking increasingly isolated. And in fact Oxford could have increased their advantage, with only the lunging toe of Bolland (they should so make that into a film) denying Constable a shot, and Potter racing off his line to foil Haldane.

The second half began with more aimless United possession, although Turley was finally given a couple of things to keep him occupied, plucking a couple of crosses out of the air ahead of the United front pairing. The flow of the match wasn't being helped by Mr Quinn, whose novel interpretation of the rules of the game involved giving the advantage to the defender every single time. So the four central defenders were free to push and shove the likes of Rendell and Constable till their hearts were content, knowing that if any striker tried to give them a bit back then they'd be immediately penalised.

Jon Challinor entered the fray in place of Pitt in the 68th minute, as the Brabinator changed things around, with Willmott going up front as part of a three. And for once his alteration paid dividends; Willmott started seeing more of the ball, and although (as usual) his final pass or shot was pretty useless, he warmed Turley's hands with a shot that the Oxford stopper turned over the bar. McMahon followed suit moments later, but Turley was again equal to the Irishman's shot, pawing the ball behind.

But the pressure was mounting, and United finally equalised in glorious fashion. Carden recieved a throw from Tonkin, drove towards the corner of the box, and from just outside the area curled a tremendous shot round Turley and into the top corner. I was right behind it in the Habbin and it was one of those fantastic moments where you're actually shouting "goal" as soon as the ball leaves the players foot. 1-1.

Now United were in the asscendency, but Willmott wasted our best chance to snatch a winner when he charged down the right, but with Crow and Rendell unmarked in the middle put in a woefully overhit cross that was too high for either of them. That effort about summed up the quality of our crossing during the entire game, something to work on at the training ground perhaps.

There was still time for substitute Odubade to be denied by a perfect last ditch tackle from Tonker before the match drew to a close. A draw was probably a fair result after our second half improvement, but at the end of the day it's only another point on the board. Time is beginning to run out if we are to finally click into gear and secure our play off place, and three points at Rushden tomorrow would be a welcome boost to our aspirations.

Man of the Match: Anthony Tonkin - Solid in defence and provided our only attacking width on either flank.

Pleasant surprise of the Match: My bacon roll, which was fairly hot and came in a non-stale bun. Someone was obviously trying to impress the students.

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Chairman George

We've had so many chairman in the last few years it's hard to keep track of where one ends and another begins.

Part of the problem is that they all say exactly the same thing when they're appointed, and in that respect George Rolls' bland acceptance speech doesn't disappoint; blah blah unity blah blah in it for the long term blah blah success on the pitch and stability off it blah blah blah blah blah. Hardly Obama-esque is it?

How long he lasts remains to be seen, but as it goes I think George will probably make a better fist of being chairman than he has of being director of football. He clearly pulls all the strings at the club anyway, and from what I gather is actually around at the stadium during the week, something which a number of our former chairman (naming no names Lee Power) have struggled to do.

And despite his various football-related gaffes, as he runs his own firm he presumably has some kind of business accumen and as such should be au fait with the commercial side of things, the role that, after all, he was initially brought onto the board to fulfill in the first place. If we can get someone in who actually knows the football business (big if I know, but I've got my optimistic hat on today), and can deal with the likes of Barry Fry without ending up looking like a total dork, we could be onto a good thing.

Meanwhile, the latest results from the Great Gary Brabin Formation tombola will be revealed in tonights match against Oxford. The smart money, or should I say the CEN's money, appears to be on 4-3-1-2, but no doubt our leader will keep us guessing until the last minute. Exciting times.

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Pimp my manager

United usually get a lot of stick for not being especially sharp in the commercial arena, but they've come up trumps with this genius idea, which has had me giggling inanely for the last 30 minutes or so.

I'm not sure whether the, er, lucky, lady will get especially good value for her money, because judging by his post-match interviews the Brabinator will probably start repeating his chat up lines after about five minutes, then complain that there aren't enough dishes on the menu, and that he doesn't have enough money to pay the bill.

Still, if it goes well I reckon we can extend the principle to cover other members of the club staff. Who could resist dinner with Darler? Or a pint with Pitt? Or perhaps even a curry with Crow, although you probably wouldn't get very much food at that one.

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Norman's stormin' (again)

The headline doesn't really work that well does it? It's staying though, mainly because I can't think of anything better.

Norman Gautrey seems to have resigned about a million times during his 14 months at the Abbey, so this latest exit isn't totally out of character. However, one suspects it will be more permanent than his previous walk-outs given the rumours from the weekend's NLP that Weymouth's Chief Executive Gary Calder is set to get a job at the Abbey. In the wake of Gautrey's departure, Terry Baker's fervent denial that Calder will be turning up in the United board room sounds about as hollow as Stephen Reed's brain cavity.

Incidentally, does anyone else find it vaguely amusing that the Gautrey's are leaving to go travelling? It conjures up images of Norman living it up at a full moon party on some random Thai beach. One suspects their actual choice of destination will be a bit more sedate, but it's certainly a nice lifestyle if you can get it, and I wish them well.

The timing of this announcement seems more than a little suspect, coming hours after the club AGM. Presumably the Gautrey's have known they'll be going for a little while, and anyone would think the board delayed making it public so they wouldn't be questioned on it by shareholders. The whole business seems a bit underhand, but then again, when has anything involving Cambridge United been anything but?

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Dragons:2 U's:0

The world of football has seen plenty of tactical innovations over the years, from the favoured pre-war line up of 2-3-5, to 4-4-2, to the current en vogue formation of 4-5-1, via wing backs, sweepers, and plenty more besides.

But I doubt any of the globes most creative soccer thinkers have come up with a formation as bizarre as that employed by the Brabinator in last nights game. We were tokenly playing 4-3-3, but it more resembled a lop-sided 4-4-2 set up, with Willmott roaming down the right flank and, er, no one patrolling the left.

It's hard to know where to begin with the difficiencies of this line up, and I don't quite comprehend what the Brabinator was thinking. It was obvious we were going to get over run in midfield (it was virtually four against two, with Willmott doing no defensive work of note), and up front he chose an unbalanced combination of strikers; with Rendell leading the line we needed one of the others to drop deep and the the third to stretch the defence. As it was, both Crow and Beesley were wanting to occupy the same space, and the team was crying out for some of Holroyd's pace, which wasn't injected until all was lost.

But it would be wrong to direct all the blame at the manager when none of the players covered themselves in glory either. Potter looked as though he could've done better on both goals, the defence were sluggish and gave their opponents far too much space, midfield was weak and up front the three strikers seemed to keep getting in others way.

United weren't actually playing too badly until an unimpressive yet hard working Wrexham outfit took the lead. Marc Williams, who was by far and away the best player on the pitch in the first half (he faded a bit in the second), played the ball into Jon Brown, whose low shot clipped the heels of Tonkin and flew into the far corner, with Potter a mere spectator.

Rendell scuffed a shot wide from close range, but other than that chances were few and far between at either end, although Wrexham could have had a penalty when the otherwise annonymous Jefferson Louis appeared to be clipped in the box by Hatswell. Louis, who always seems to score against us, had the last laugh though, when he netted the second. Tonkin and Hatswell both failed to clear their lines with headers, and a scuffed shot from the edge of the box came through a sea of legs to Louis, who turned it in from close range. Game over.

When the U's finally did fashion a clear opportunity it went begging. Holroyd chipped a cross over to fellow sub Jardim who, with the goal gaping, headed disappointingly over the bar. Why is it that we save our worst misses for live televised games?

So all in all a complete shambles. The Brabinator has spent the last few weeks complaining that he doesn't have any players, but when he does have a full(ish) squad to choose from it seems he can't be relied upon to select the right team. Of course he's a young manager, and as such can be forgiven for making mistakes, but he needs to show he's learning from them as well.

Man of the Match: Er, I'll come back to you on that one...

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U's:4 Cards:1

It seems like ages since I went to a football match. Last time I saw United play, Kaka joining Man City was little more than a Sheikhs pipe dream, Craig Bellamy was still happy (well, as happy as Craig Bellamy gets) at West Ham, and Scott Rendell was still on loan at United. Oh, hang on.

Well anyway, the Salisbury game was almost a month ago, and since it's all been a bit doom and gloom around the Abbey. I think the players must have been missing me, because on the basis of Saturday all appears quite well on the pitch. Certainly we were comfortable enough in dispatching woeful Woking, and one suspects Wrexham will present a much stiffer test.

It helped that we got an early goal to settle the nerves. New man Daryl McMahon played the ball into Beesley, whose precise through pass found Danny Crow. Maneuvering smoothly past a couple of defenders, Crow found some space and delivered a perfect shot high past Simon Eastwood in the Woking goal. Fantastic finish, and bonus points for running over to celebrate with the Habbin. 1-0.

I've always said the Crow would be a great signing for us, and he tested Eastwood again with a volley from outside the box shortly after the goal. United looked comfortable in their new 3-5-2 formation, with wingbacks Tonkin and Rory MacAuley marauding down the flanks impressively at regular intervals. It was the first time I'd seen MacAuley play and he looks a good prospect - athletic, strong in the tackle, and fairly comfortable on the ball. While he may not have what it takes to get to the top level, he should have a future as a Gleeson-esque solid citizen.

McMahon looks decent as well, and it was a credit to him and Ben Farrell that we didn't really miss the absent Paul Carden at all. The Irishman was unlucky not to register a debut goal when his shot from outside the box cracked against the inside of the post and rebounded to safety.

By that time United were already 2-0 up. Tonkin started the move, feeding the ball inside to Crow. He played a swift one-two with Beesley, advanced on goal, and finished neatly again, this time lofting the ball over the keeper into the far corner. 2-0.

Our lead should have been greater at the break, with Coulson heading straight at the keeper, Beesley having a shot blocked, and Holroyd displaying his electric pace but shooting into the side netting. Referee Cooper blotted his copybook slightly just before half time, when he failed to send off Woking's Patrice Konan. Having been booked just moments earlier for chopping down Holroyd, the Frenchman cynically blocked off Tonkin but received only a talking to from the man in black. Still, this was the Cooperman's only indescretion, and perhaps we should be grateful given his last horror show.

Amber dominance resumed in part two, and Eastwood saved sharply from Bees and Tonkin, before blocking a MacAuley effort. The third goal didn't arrive until the 65th minute. Eastwood advanced to punch clear a wicked McMahon delivery, but only direct the ball to the feet of Beesley, who took a touch before hammering a shot back through a crowd of players into the net. It's about time he scored again, 3-0.

Three became four before the end, when substitute Robbie Willmott curled in a free kick from the left which eluded everyone and nestled into the corner of the net. A four goal winning margin certainly wouldn't have flattered us, but Woking pulled one back right at the death, when Joel Ledgister muscled his way past a half hearted challenge from the Pittster, and crossed for Guiseppe Sole to score from close range. It was too late to make difference, but I don't suppose Pottsy was too pleased about the loss of his clean sheet bonus.


Man of the Match: Phil Bolland - It amazes me that some people still don't rate Bolland, who put in a collosal performance of no-nonsense defending.





Random irritation of the Match: Memo to the tannoy man, WE DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW THE "EAST ANGLIAN CLUBS IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP" ARE DOING. Week after week he reads out the Norwich and Ipswich scores, and neglects to let us know how P*sh are doing, grr.

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The third coming of Rendell

Apparently today is "Blue Monday". That's the most miserable day of the year, not the New Order memorial day, if you were wondering.

It began as a blue Monday for Scott Rendell, but ended as a yellow and black one, and we all know that it's much better to be yellow and black than blue.

"This is well run club that likes to do things properly," said the Brabinator, presumably while supressing a smirk. "It's great that the board have pushed the boat out to back me and bring Scott Rendell back in."

I'm not so sure myself. Part of me thinks a well run club would just operate within it's budget and not push the boat out on one player, but there you go. At least no one, least of all the Brabinator, can accuse the directors of not putting their money where their mouth is if we don't get promoted.

And I don't think any United fan could say they're sad to have Rendell's proven goal-getting abilities back in the squad. It does pose our leader an interesting selection dilemma for Thursday's game; does he stick with the front three who performed so well in the last match, or does he restore the man who has seven goals in nine games?

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U's:0 Creepy Crawley:5 - Thank you Histon

It's very rare that I am grateful for the existance of Histon FC.

In fact I'd go so far as to say that this is an unprecedented scenario in my life thus far, but I do wake this morning feeling happy that the Villagers are in the world.

Because were it not for their FA Cup game on Tuesday, our own match against Crawley would not have been put back by 24 hours, and I would have undoubtably been there to witness what was, by all accounts, a shambolic performance.

Instead, last night I was at the Junction watching a show by comedian Mark Watson. Despite looking like a stretched version of Lee Boylan (the likeness is more striking in real life than in that picture), Watson is properly funny, and I can thoroughly recommend going along to one of his gigs if you get chance.

On the other hand, football is very rarely a laughing matter, particularly where United are involved. Having read his big post-match whinge, I'm getting increasingly concerned about the Brabinator's state of mind.

"We're all embarrassed at the result, but we've had three players - Danny Potter, Wayne Hatswell and Paul Carden - having injections yesterday so they could play (....) Certainly after this result and performance, if we're going to sustain a serious challenge we definitely need to strengthen," he told the official site, this mornings Evening News, Radio Cambridgeshire, and anyone else who would listen.

I have some sympathy with Brabin, who is clearly working on a reduced budget compared to last season, but are we really that hard up in terms of players? Admitedly he didn't have much choice but to play Potter, but could have not rested Carden and Hatswell and stuck a couple of the young players in? It was only the Trophy after all.

Later he goes on to bemoan the need for a "big man" up front to replace Evil and Rendell, but if money is so tight would it not have been better to save the cash we spent on McMahon to put towards a striker? I want us to be successful as much as anyone, but it can't be at the expense of the future of the club.

Finally, it doesn't augur well that the manager feels the need to try and emotionally blackmail the board through the media to get them to spend a bit of cash. If he's making statements like this so publically it's fairly obvious that all is not well behind the scenes...

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AOB: Points of dis-order

It always gives me great pleasure to highlight what a shambolic league we play in, so I couldn't let this weeks latest round of points deductions pass without comment.

For once I don't think the Conference can take all the blame for these continuing problems surround player registration; you'd have to be a pretty half-arsed administrator to send something important by fax and not check that it had arrived at it's destination.

But moreover it amazes me that in this day and age a so-called professional organisation is relying on people faxing them important stuff in, when much quicker and more reliable electronic methods of communication are available. Why haven't they changed over to something a bit more modern? And why are the points deductions handed out on a seemingly random basis? The silence from the leagues' head honcho, Dennis Strudwick, who declined to speak to the BBC's Non-League show on Monday, spoke volumes.

I've said it before on here and I'll say it again now; if the Conference wants to be regarded as the fifth division of the football league (an erroneous line that is often trotted out by lazy journalists and deluded managers and fans) they need to pull their socks up and be a bit less amateurish.

And while we're on the subject, it's a bit rich hearing the lovely Steve Evans, boss of tonights opponents Crawley, describe the Leagues rules as "archaic". Only in an archaic division would Crawley, a team that have continually breached the rules over the last three years, be allowed to continue competing without any significant action being taken.

Football-wise, you can't accuse Evans of not knowing his stuff though. In the preview of tonights match on the Crawley website he states that "My relations reliably inform me that it is the Abbey Road end of the ground that will be in full voice..." Rumours that the surviving members of the Beatles are to record a new album in the Supporters Club have yet to be confirmed.

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Stuff. That's happened. Today

Sorry, I know that's not the most imaginative of headlines, but it does what it says on the tin and all that.

So we have a new player, despite the fact that we definately don't have any money to sign any new players, oh no. Of course, given the boards recent record, it's entirely possible that this deal could be cancelled at any time, so I don't want to count my chickens.

And anyway, I've got mixed feelings about Daryl McMahon's arrival; on the one hand, I think we need some extra cover in midfield, but on the other his arrival will most likely limit the amount of minutes Ben Farrell gets on the pitch. The Brabinator obviously doesn't rate Farrell for whatever reason, but I hope he won't be on his way as, like many United fans, I think he has massive potential.

McMahon himself looks quite scary in his picture on the official site, which is always a good start, and the Stevenage fans seem to rate him quite highly, so we'll have to see how it works out. Welcome to Cambridge Daryl.

Meanwhile, we have been handed the chance of an, ahem, mouthwatering away tie at Lewes or Havant if we get through our re-arranged game against Crawley in the trophy. I think I speak for us all when I say I can't wait for that one.

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Rendell shambles

Anyone hear the sounds of gunshots in the Newmarket Road area earlier? Apparently it was our boards latest attempt to shoot themselves in the foot. Reports that they initially gave the gun to Danny Crow, whose shot missed the foot and instead hit a passing pigeon, have yet to be confirmed.

I'm finding the sheer ridiculousness of Scotty's return to the Scummers difficult to comprehend. First off I should say that there's no way we should be paying a potential £50,000 (plus his hefty wages) for a loan player, however good he is, so in that sense the board have done the right thing.

I can only hope that Fry has moved the goalposts at the last minute, but even if that is true, then why announce the deal before it's finalised? Given the wording of the statement, I'd be more inclined to think the board have agreed to the transfer, and announced the deal, before reading the small print and getting cold feet. If this is the case, then WHY ANNOUNCE THE DEAL BEFORE IT'S FINALISED? After all the various faux-pas' in the summer, I thought George Rolls was beginning to learn to think before he speaks in public, but it appears we will continue to lurch from one PR shambles to another under this current regime. It amazes me that they can make such a pigs ear out of seemingly elementary things like whether a transfer has happened or not, I'm really, really cross.

Never mind though, with the temperatures set to remain sub-zero for the rest of this week (I spoke to a weatherman yesterday so I know these things) I'd say the chances of Saturday's game being on are remote at best, meaning the Brabinator has an extra week to find a Rendell replacement. I'm sure he won't have any trouble, after all cheap yet prolific strikers are easy to come by, ho hum.

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AOB: NCBA no more?

If you believe what you read on the internet (and why wouldn't you?) Nigel Clough's Burton Albion are to become Nigel Clough's former club Burton Albion in the next day or two, with their illustrious boss set to be named as manager of Championship side Derby County.

Obviously from a United perspective I regard this as good news, as it will hopefully facilitate a spectacular implosion from the Brewers, leaving the way clear for Gary Brabin's men to make a last minute title charge. Or something.

But I have to wonder why on earth Derby would think it's a good idea to appoint a bloke who has never managed in the league before and has just one promotion on his CV in ten years as a manager. It's also probably fair to say that, before his club made around £1million by drawing Man Utd in the FA Cup a few years back, they weren't among the leading lights in the Conference.

As I've said on here before, I'm all for managers from the lower leagues getting their chance, but clearly Clough is getting this job because of his last name, rather than because he has "served his apprenticeship" in the minor divisions. Paul Ince's appointment at Blackburn came about in similar circumstances, and he was soon shown to be out of his depth at the top level.

I have no particular axe to grind with Clough (apart from that he's a miserable git), but it's unrealistic to make expect a manager to make such a massive jump and be an overnight success. I hope the Derby board are prepared to give him time to adapt to his new environment, rather than expect instant miracles just because of who his Dad was.

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Baldwin talking b*******?

Apologies for another post about the Villagers, but you know I always like to highlight what a professional, friendly, lovable bunch they are. Gareth Baldwin's latest comments, following yesterday's postponement of their FA Cup tie with Swansea, really take the biscuit.

"I think the assistant manager of Swansea has perhaps applied a bit of pressure. I'm disappointed about that," he said, while tuning up his violin.

"We tried to get the referee to wait another half-hour or 45 minutes - the temperature has changed and the top inch of the pitch is now wet.

Before joining the cast of Oliver for a rendition of It's a hard knock life, the Histon chairman added:"We'll have to pay the police costs and the stewarding costs, and we've got 140 corporate meals we'll have to pay for, but that's part and parcel of operating at this level."

Even by Baldwin's usual, highly hypocritical, standards, I find this statement laughable for two reasons. Firstly because he wasn't complaining when the Leeds game went ahead despite the fact it clearly should have been postponed. I'm sure there was no pressure at all applied by anyone from Histon FC or ITV to get that one on, no siree.

And what about the recent Trophy game against United, where they did the pitch inspection at 10am? It may have been vaguely playable at that time, but after another five hours of rain it certainly wasn't, and the game still went ahead, boosting HFC's coffers at a time when I assume they were running a bit low. Any quibble from the Villagers? Of course not.

But moreover, if someone made such a disrespectful statement about Histon, Fallon and Baldwin would be shouting it from the roof tops, playing the poor little victims as they so love to do. It was vaguely satisfying to see a disapproving mention made of Baldwin's comments on the ITV highlights show last night - perhaps the rest of the country will now start to see the real Histon, rather than the myth they love to perpetuate.

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