Wednesday 31 December 2008

The great Christmas points give-away

What sort of firm makes its staff work on New Year's eve? Mean spirited buffoons like my employers, that's who. My (ordinarily low) motivation levels are feeling particularly drained today.

As I was away over Christmas I don't really have any strong views about the Histon and Stevenage games, other than that it appears to have been a needless waste of four points. Dodgy penalty decisions or not (someone told me yesterday that Bridgo's theatrical tumble in Sunday's game was "one of the worst penalty decisions I've ever seen") it sounds as if we had enough chances to put both games to bed, and indeed you would usually expect our miserly defence to be reliable in those situations.

You may have gathered from reading my posts that I've always been fairly optimistic about our chances of promotion, but even I'm beginning to worry that this team is lacking what is required to go up. We seem to be short of mental toughness, and whether this comes from the management or the make up of the side I don't know. Managing to hold onto Rendell is obviously a massive step in the right direction, and we can only hope that the rumours of Hatswell's departure prove to be unfounded. With Bolland almost certainly on his way out, it would be a big blow to lose our most consistant player of the year so far as well.

We can perhaps take heart from the example of Exeter, who at this time last year were sitting eighth in the table, with many supporters questioning the future of manager Paul Tisdale. For us to enjoy a similarly glorious conclusion to the season, the Brabinator will need to get a bit extra out of our talented but currently underperforming squad. Whether he is capable of doing this or not may well be the making of him as a manager.

Read more...

Wednesday 24 December 2008

Merry Christmas

U's Blog is a taking a (some might say long overdue) holiday this week, so the site won't be updated for a few days. Normal service should be resumed on Monday, hopefully following festive victories over the Villagers and the Chavs.

So for now, all that remains is to thank everyone who has visited this blog over the last 12 months, and to wish you all a very merry Christmas, ho ho ho.


Read more...

Tuesday 23 December 2008

Barry Bull$**t strikes again?

Times must be hard over at Bridge Road.

I visited my local Budgens tonight and was greeted by a mob of youths wearing Histon FC tracksuits, who were offering to pack your shopping in exchange for chucking a few coins into their buckets. I'm all for novel ways of boosting your kitty ahead of the opening of the transfer window, but employing children is taking things a step too far if you ask me.*

Anyway, onto our real rivals, and the latest episode in the battle of the bullshitters between Barry Fry and George Rolls. Sunday's NLP regurgitated a load of stuff we already knew Re: the phantom offer for Rendell, but there was one interesting quote in amongst the usual bluster from Fry:
"George made on offer of £100,000 which my chairman rubberstamped on Sunday," revealed everyones favourite chirpy cockney character. Funny that when, two weeks before, it was widely reported that P*sh had quoted a price of £120,000 to secure Scotty's services. If the required figure has already dropped £20,000 before the transfer window is even open, I'd advise that George returns at the end of January and makes an offer of 50p - he might have a bit more success.

*This is a joke. They were probably collecting for a worthwhile cause of charity. Or Gareth Baldwin's holiday fund.

Read more...

Saturday 20 December 2008

U's:4 Salisbury:0

Last week in my match report I commented on Courtney's girly tights, which I may have insinuated were "not a particularly fetching look for a bloke."

I hope my words weren't a contributory factor to his goal celebration yesterday, during which he proved his, er, manhood by pulling down his shorts to reveal a pair of Stephen Ireland-esque Superman pants. Fortunately I wasn't close enough to assess just how manly the winger is, but by all accounts it was quite an, um, impressive sight.

The Pittster's goal put a satisfying gloss on a dominant performance from United, albeit against a fairly woeful Salisbury side. The Whites' house of cards has come crashing down this season, with the withdrawal of major backers exposing a fanbase and infrastructure unable to sustain football at this level. Histon take note perhaps.

On the pitch, things are so bad that they've been forced into signing Danny Webb who, at the age of 25, is already firmly in the "journeyman" category. His partner up front was another ex-U, Charles Ademeno, and it seems a shame that, after a couple of injury-hit years for the Southend youngster, their careers have converged. Hopefully Charles will go on to fulfill his promise at a higher level.

Salisbury have lost a few defenders as well, and it was soon apparent that, to put it politely, they're not the best when it comes to dealing with set pieces. An early United corner almost saw a training ground routine executed to perfection, with Challinor making a late, unmarked, run into the box, but seeing his looping header float wide of the far post.

To be fair to visitors, they were at least having a go at winning the match, backed by 45 vocal travelling fans. Ademeno's pace is still a threat, but they didn't really trouble Danny Potter, and the nearest to scoring they came was from a corner which was flicked across goal and wide by Herring.

And once United went in front there was only ever going to be one winner. Tonkin launched a long throw in from the left, Coulson and then Holroyd flicked the ball on, and there was Robbie Willmott to climb above his marker and nod into the net. Hurrah, 1-0.

Pitt curled a free kick over the bar, and had a goal ruled out for offside, while Farrell shot wide from 20 yards and had an effort blocked by a diving defender after a terrific passing move involving Tonkin and Pitt.

Usually in this situation the Brabinator's men go on to miss a hatful of chances before nervously closing out a 1-0 win, but on this occasion we doubled our advantage within five minutes of the restart. The electrifying Willmott accelerated away down the right, cut inside his marker, and looped in a cross for Holroyd. His header was brilliantly parried by James Bittner, but the rebound ran nicely to Rendell, who doesn't miss when presented with an open goal. All we want for Christmas is you Scotty, as Mariah Carey may have said. 2-0.

Holroyd was enjoying another good showing, and shot just wide shortly afterwards, while Rendell saw a header flash over the bar, and have an effort ruled out for offside. But we didn't have to wait to long for goal number three, and it was a deserved second of the season for young Chris. We got a corner on the right, and again Salisbury failed to pick up Challinor's late burst into the box. This time his header had a bit more elevation on it, and Holroyd was able to turn the ball in from close range.

Three became four moments later, when Tonkin put in another good long throw, which was helped on by Carden to the Pittster, who poked the ball home from close range, provoking the shorts-less celebration.

We probably should have gone on to get a couple more, with Pitt, Holroyd, and substitute Beesley all being denied by Bittner. The best chance came right at the end, and fell to Willmott, who pounced on a short back pass, but with only the keeper to beat, shot wide. Oh well, never mind.

So yeah, a nice convincing win ahead of the sterner challenges to come. We shouldn't get too carried away, as Salisbury were pretty dire, but we have looked like a much more effective unit in the last three or four games, and that can only be a good thing. The return of Rendell and Pitt has made such a difference, and I think Farrell gives us a bit of extra steel in the middle of the park which is lacking when Convery or Challinor are in there with Carden. It's all coming together nicely anyway, bring on the Villagers.

Man of the Match: Chris Holroyd - Always on the move, and capped a second successive excellent performance with a deserved goal.








Fashion Statement of the Match II: Although I never ever want to see them again in any circumstances, the pants are much better than the tights Courtney.

Read more...

Wednesday 17 December 2008

What Scotty did next

Oh, what you gonna do, Sco-tty? You're a sweet sweet, er, boy, and it's a cruel cruel (footballing) world, a cruel a cruel world.


Yes, it seems the future of our current goal-getter in chief, Scott Rendell, is about as clear as a particularly muddy section of Histon's pitch. Where he will be plying his trade post-January 1 depends on who exactly you wish to believe.

Personally I like the Brabinator's version of things: "The ball is rolling in terms of negotiations with Scott," squeaked our leader. "When January comes and it's D-Day we'll be fighting tooth and nail to keep him at the club. He desperately wants to stay, we're desperate to keep him, he's enjoying his football again".

It's not usually like George Rolls to put a dampener on things, but he told yesterday morning's Evening News that we weren't in a position to match the price tag the scummers have slapped on young Mr Rendell's head: "We're in talks with Barry and we're doing our utmost to try to keep Scott on loan, but I can't give our fans the false hope that we might be signing him permanently.

"We're not in a position where we're going to spend £60,000 to £70,000, even if we could get them down to that - we're in the Conference and we've got to be realistic." Cheer up George, it's nearly Christmas, you never know what you might get in your stocking.

Clouding the water further is fat Barry, who today announced that the deal is dead as a dodo: "George Rolls phoned me to talk about making Scott Rendell's move permanent and made an offer which my chairman accepted," he said.

"Then George came back to say they didn't want to buy him, they just wanted to extend the loan. My chairman does not like the mickey being taken out of him, so Rendell will come back to Peterborough.

"Rendell won't be staying on loan at Cambridge - that is a one billion percent certainty," he said. Someone should probably tell the fat fool that you can't have more than 100 per cent, but given his creative approach to transfer fees, wages, etc, it's probably a bit late to teach him basic maths.

Who's telling porkies then? Well both Fry and Rolls have shown in the past that they have a fairly liberal relationship with the truth, but I'm inclined to believe that Barry is the one who's lying in this instance. He has been touting Rendell about ever since Scotty first joined us on loan, so it's fairly obvious they want to get rid, and that they're most likely going to have to take a hit in terms of the fee: In the current financial climate is a League One or Two team really going to fork out 120k for a player who has yet to prove himself at league level? I doubt it, so Barry is just trying to drum up a bit of interest in the only way he knows how.

We'll have to wait and see whether it works or not, but I suspect P*sh will be more grateful of our overtures if a couple of weeks of the transfer window pass by without any decent bids coming in. Watch this space.

Read more...

Sunday 14 December 2008

Villagers:2 U's:3

Hurrah hurrah. United finally put the villagers back in their place on Saturday in a derby match which ebbed and flowed like a wetter version of the Colorado River.

Trudging across the paddy field that masquerades as Histon Rec at about 2.30pm yesterday seemed like the ultimate masochistic act; it was freezing, wet, and we were approaching the ground for which United seem to reserve their most dismal performances. I think it’s fair to say that few members of the amber army approached the game with any large degree of optimism.

Inside the “stadium” the scene was little less bleak, with the ever bog-like Bridge Road pitch in a particularly gruesome state ahead of its third game in a week. You have to wonder how it was deemed playable in the first place given that there was probably more mud than grass on the playing surface, a situation which will no doubt continue well into 2009, as it does every season. The Stutes may be investing money in their infrastructure, but evidently a decent pitch isn’t top of their priorities list.


This is probably because it helps their, ahem, direct style to play out matches on what is little more than a swamp. Witness the opening goal; Gareth Gwillim swung a wicked free kick into the box, which bounced off a few heads, stuck in the mud, and fell to Jack Midson, who brought the ball under the control before firing across Potter and into the far corner.

That came after four United-dominated minutes, and indeed we were on top for much of the opening half. The Brabinator had made three changes, with Challinor, Farrell, and Holroyd coming into the line up, and the latter two were particularly impressive, with Farrell, playing out of the position on the right, using the ball intelligently, and Holroyd buzzing around Rendell like a Bee that had consumed too much Red Bull.

Talking point one came in the 15th minute. Holroyd chased a long ball forward, and was clearly wrestled away from the ball by Gwillim. For reasons best known to himself, referee Gary Sutton awarded a free kick to the home side, a decision which riled up players from both sides. The ensuing melee saw Bolland, who had raced 40 yards to join in (presumably to calm things down with a dose of scouse wit), receive a slap round the chops for his troubles from Mat Mitchell-King. Bolly was yellow-carded, while the Villagers captain was given his marching orders.

United tried to make their numerical advantage count, but the Stutes crowded the middle of the park effectively, and the only outlet ball was to Robbie Willmott on the left. Unfortunately he was his usual frustrating self, seemingly beating his man at will but then sending over a poor final cross or shot. His best effort whistled a few inches over Danny Naisbett’s bar, and the home keeper was only extended once, tipping a deflected Farrell shot around the post.

Brabin’s boys needed an early breakthrough in part two, and it came from the mighty Scott Rendell. Picking up possession after some neat passing between Gleeson, Carden, and Farrell, Scotty advanced into the area, and from the narrowest of angles chipped the ball over Naisbett and into the far corner. Most probably it was meant as a cross for the inrushing Holroyd, but who cares, we had finally scored a goal at Bridge Road. 1-1.

Everyone’s favourite convicted racist Craig Pope soon entered the fray to a crescendo of boos from the United fans, and quicker than you could say “oh look, a person of Afro-Caribbean origin” he had conceded a penalty, bringing down Willmott as he nicked the ball off his toe just inside the box. Some might say justice was done as Scotty showed that he remains deadly from the spot, sending Naisbett the wrong way. 2-1.

It seemed as though the players thought they had the game in the bag after this, and Histon began to dominate for the first time in the match. Gwillim started to wind up his long throws, aided by an army of towel-wielding ballboys, and from one such delivery Knight-Percival chipped a shot over Potter but against the crossbar.

However, the young winger didn’t have to wait long for his fourth goal against the U’s in three years. Another Gwillim missile thundered into the area and bounced off a leg or two before Knight-Percival squirmed a low shot under the body of Potter. It had been coming. 2-2.

Chances came and went at both ends as the match descended into a full on war of attrition. The best came when Challinor made space on the right and caught out Naisbett with a cheeky dinked cross, but the dastardly Pope was on hand to make an excellent clearance.

United’s numerical advantage increased with six minutes left, when the nations favourite postman (after Pat), Matt Langston, picked up a pair of yellows in quick succession for fouls on Willmott. First, he pulled back the young winger on half way as he burst clear. Then he launched into a knee high assault on RW by the touchline. Another red card that Pinocchio and Geppetto can have few complaints about, and to be fair to the Histon boss he made no excuses for his players during his post match interview with Radio Cambridgeshire.

Anyway, even with two less players, the Stutes weren’t going to let United have it all their own way in the closing stages, and they were almost handed the match in the 90th minute by an extraordinary decision by Mr Sutton. A cross came in from the Histon right, and as Gleeson and Danny Wright challenged for the ball, the home striker threw himself to the turf in one of the most blatant examples of diving seen outside of the Olympic swimming pool. Astonishingly, Mr Sutton pointed to the spot, but United agony soon turned to joy as Wright hit his spot kick too close to Pottsy, who stuck out a big left glove and pawed the ball away.

On such moments can seasons turn; had the penalty found the net, I would almost certainly now be reflecting on a most embarrassing of embarrassing defeats to our nine-man near neighbours, and knives would be out in some quarters for the Brabinator. Instead United surged up to the other end and scored a glorious late winner of their own. Tonkin fed Rendell, who slid the ball across to the far post where Willmott got in ahead of Naisbett to slide the ball into the net. 3-2.

Even if we had lost, this would certainly have been our best-ever performance at Bridge Road. United matched their hosts physically (even when it was 11 v 11) in a way which we never saw during the meek surrenders of the Quinn era, and played as much football as was humanly possible on the worst pitch in the Western hemisphere. The Brabinator has been the subject of a lot of unfavourable comparisons with his predecessor recently, so let’s hope he gets a bit of credit for this fantastic result.

A special note for the five Histon fans who stood in the car park goading United fans as they left the ground, untroubled by the of the nearby stewards and police, who for some reason chose to ignore them. Their behaviour was a bit pathetic, and not at all becoming of the family club (sic) they represent. But then of course we already know there's a big gap between image and reality where that particular notion is concerned.

Man of the Match: Ben Farrell – The ginger genius rarely put a foot wrong, and with Convery now out of the picture for a bit will hopefully cement his place in the starting line up.






Fashion statement of the match: Courtney’s tights – Not an especially fetching look for a bloke, but I suppose if they’re good enough for John Barnes then they’re good enough for our own wing wizard.

Read more...

Thursday 11 December 2008

AOB: Being unfaithful

Yes, I have to confess that I've cheated, spurning the chance of a romantic weekend on the English Riviera in favour of a quick one-dayer in London. I knew it was wrong, but strangely it just felt so right.

I am of course refering to last weekend, when I took in Fulham vs Man City at Craven Cottage instead of making the long journey south west to Torquay.

It was the first Premier League game I've been to since 2001, and I have to say that I quite enjoyed the experience. We were seated right in amongst the Fulham "hardcore", and the atmosphere was pretty good, with plenty of witty songs (ex-Scummer Jimmy Bullard is apparently "better than Steve Gerrard, and fitter than Frank Lampard") and a bit of banter (yuk, I loathe that word) with the visitors from the blue side of Manchester. It was certainly far from the sterile experience that top flight matches are often portrayed as.

Of course Fulham is probably the least Premier League-like Premier League ground, so that could have something to do with it, but another thing that impressed me was the quality of the football on show. Even two mediocre sides (City were missing Robinho, so instead had Darius Vassell spearheading their attack) produced the kind of play that is light years ahead of what is usually served up in the Blue Square Premier league; there were no aimless hoofs into the channels, or corners shanked straight out of play, and misplaced passes were few and far between.

What I'm trying to say is that while there is a lot wrong with the Premier League, the standard of the football certainly isn't one of those things. With this in mind it makes me laugh when Setanta try to insist that the BSP is "proper football". I will always support United at whatever level they're playing at, but I don't relish that we are in such a terrible league at present. "Proper" football is exciting and high quality and played out in front of a packed crowd. It isn't 22 cloggers taking part in a competition to see who can launch the ball the furthest in front of 800 people in some loathesome hell hole like Ebbsfleet or Histon.


Read more...

Wednesday 10 December 2008

Brewers:3 U's:1 - Down in Albion

Yes, last night United, like Babyshambles, were down in Albion.

Not an entirely unpredictable result given Nigel Clough's side sparkling form of late, but a disappointment nevertheless. It sounded like (and yes, I know there's often a big gap between reality and what is uttered by Mssrs Johnson and Line) we had the bit between our teeth at 2-1, so it was a shame we let them kill the game off on the break. We need a bit of last seasons killer instinct, which seems to be lacking at present.

Interesting to see the Brabinator single out his mate Carden for a bit of stick. Perhaps it's an indication that he thinks some members of the side are getting a bit complacent? But then if that is the case, why bring Hatswell and Gleeson straight back in when young Coulson and MacAuley did well at the weekend? And indeed why start Willmott when both Pitt and Jardim are superior and available and haven't had flu? Questions, questions, questions.

Onwards and, er, onwards anyway, we've now got Saturday's MASSIVE local derby with the Villagers to look forward to, and I for one can't wait to see what kind of magic the FA Trophy has in store for us this year. After all, it's always been so generous to us in the past.

Read more...

Monday 8 December 2008

Gulls:0 U's:0 - outbreak!

I thought the traffic congestion on Newmarket Road was down to people doing a bit of last minute Christmas shopping, but in fact it was probably because a protective cordon has been set up around the Abbey in a bid to contain the outbreak of man flu which decimated our squad ahead of Saturday's game.


"We're just getting over the injury crisis and now we've been hit by this flu epidemic," commented the Brabinator, borrowing George Rolls' patented exgeration machine and cranking it up a few notches. "I think we'd have had a good case to have the game called off, but with the fixture congestion ahead I don't think it would have been wise under the circumstances."

Crisis or no crisis, a point at Torquay isn't something to be sniffed at, even if it is another 90 minutes where we have failed to trouble the scorers. As I said in my post on Friday, I'd be quite happy with a couple of draws from the next two games, so if we can keep another clean sheet against Nigel Clough's Burton Albion tomorrow night it will (sort of) be mission accomplished as far as I'm concerned.

Read more...

Friday 5 December 2008

Torquay talk

Is it just me or does the Brabinator say almost exactly the same thing in every pre-match interview.


I realise he's employed to manage the team, not reel off quotes from William Blake or John Betjemen, but it would be nice if he said something vaguely worth reading every now and again. It almost makes you hark back to the halcyon days of the utterances of Jimmy "I scored a million goals against team X in my glorious playing career" Quinn. Or maybe not.


This presumably means that GB thinks that if we win both games we're right back in the title race, whereas if we lose them we're looking at play-offs at best.
I'm not sure this is entirely true myself, you only have to look at last season; our record against the other promotion contenders (except stupid 'effin Exeter) was almost impeccable, yet we still never really got close to Aldershot. The reason being that we dropped too many points to mediocre teams like Stafford, Farsley, and Ebbsfleet. What I'm saying is that the games with the other top sides don't necessarily make or break your season, but the games against teams who you should beat, can.

So I reckon if we do lose the next couple of matches, it won't be the end of the world, so long as we can start turning draws and defeats against the leagues lesser lights (Forest Green, Altrincham, etc) into wins. Over to you Gary.

Read more...

Wednesday 3 December 2008

Cup chaos

I'll start by gritting my teeth and saying well done to Histon on beating Leeds. Someone more magnanimous than me said of the Villagers that every dog has it's day. And even when the dog concerned is a mangy, part-time, mongrel that barks at black people, I suppose we should give them credit where credit is due.

I also don't blame them for postponing our new-years day get-together at their place in order to have a bit more time to prepare. I hope if we were offered that chance we would do the same. However, I do take a bit of umbrage with the shambolic Conference board for allowing them to do it.

If neither Histon nor Barrow were still in the cup, we'd be playing two league games in three days. Why do they have a different standard for league games than they do for the cup? Some teams are still going to have to play two matches in quick succession and may lose points as a direct result. Will they get the option to cancel their second game if they are in the midst of an injury crisis? At the other end of the spectrum, some teams (including ourselves) could end up without a game for two or three weeks, stopping any chance of taking momentum from the festive fixtures.

I imagine the Conference officials are working under the misguided, typically non-league, assertion that we all like to see our fellow Conference clubs do well. But is it really fair that they favour a few of their members (those still in the FA Cup) to the distinct disadvantage of the rest? Probably not, but then again, as we've seen numerous times over the years, very little in this division is done on the basis of fair play.

Read more...

Tuesday 2 December 2008

U's:1 Fleet:0

I feel like I’ve already written this report several times this season: Dominated possession, blah blah, missed a lot of chances blah blah, unadventurous opposition never looked like scoring blah blah blah.

The slight difference between Saturday’s game and the succession of 1-0’s that came before it was that United looked like a more cohesive side. Usually the defence is the only part of the team which functions as a proper unit, but during the Ebbsfleet match the midfield and attack were also linking effectively, thanks largely to the presence of one S.Rendell up front.

We can only hope that the Brabinator can keep Scotty beyond January 1, as having a player like him makes a world of difference. He held onto the ball well, brought others into play effectively, and won numerous flick-ons. And of course he scores goals. It’s all very well Brabin saying that “things haven’t been falling for us in the box”, as he did after the game, but I think it’s more to do with the fact that none of our other strikers have been getting in the sort of positions Rendell takes up.

The goal was a prime example of this. A corner from the right skimmed off a few heads to Hatswell, who turned and fired a low shot across goal that was going wide until Scotty raced in at the far post to ram it home.



United were good value for their half time advantage, and Danny Crow, who enjoyed probably his best game in a Cambridge shirt, should have given us the lead when he headed the ball past a defender, sprinted clear on goal, but hit his shot straight at Lance Cronin, who to his credit made a good reaction save.

With the defence marshalling the now-slimmed down Michael Gash adroitly, Danny Potter enjoyed a quiet afternoon, and although Fleet forced quite a few corners, none of them came to anything of note.

Most of United’s efforts were off-target, with Carden and Willmott dragging shots wide. A nice one-two between Rendell and Crow almost fashioned a chance for the latter, but he was crowded out before he could get a shot away.

The second half commenced with a Gleeson header from a corner which Cronin turned onto the bar, while Crow almost notched a superb goal following an incisive breakaway by Jardim. The winger accelerated down the left, running about 40 yards before sending over a deep cross. Carden met the ball on the half volley, sending it back across goal where Crow slid in and was inches away from connecting.

Willmott had a frustrating afternoon generally, running down more blind alleys than a myopic mouse. In the 71st minute he was replaced by the returning legend that is Courtney Pitt, much to the delight of most of the crowd. The Pittster’s first contribution was to lift a free kick over the cross bar, and he could have crowned his comeback with a goal when he raced past James Smith, brilliantly controlled a long ball but blazed his shot over the bar. Oh well, you can’t expect everything to be perfect all at once.


There was also time for Rendell to be booked for a dive, after what looked like a fairly innocent collision between himself, the keeper, and a defender, but despite throwing a few extra players forward, Ebbsfleet were unable to fashion a chance in the closing stages, and United closed out the game fairly comfortably. Just call us the Arsenal of the Conference.

Man of the Match: Scott Rendell – It was like he’d never been away.






Comment of the Match: Liam Daish tells it like it is: “We had to be brave out there and prepared to make mistakes in the final third. If myself, Alan Kimble, Paul Wilson the physio and Ian Docker had been out there in place of Cambridge's back line we would have been in control because we were too static.”

Read more...

About This Blog

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP