Chris off - Holroyd move to Brighton back on?

It's been quite a day for revelations.

First we had Tony Blair declaring that he'd invade Iraq all over again if he had to - no surprise there perhaps. Then it was revealed that England's brave John Terry ((c) The Fiver) is the player who slapped (not literally I hope) a leading tabloid with a super-injunction to block them from printing sordid revelations about his private life. Sounds like JT will have some bridges to rebuild with his England pals, ahem.

And finally we have Chris Holroyd's on/off/on/off/on/off/zzzzzzzzzz move to Brighton, which, despite being declared dead in the water earlier today by their version of the CEN, appears to now be back on again. You gotta love local papers, haven't you? A story also appeared on our official site, then was taken down again shortly afterwards, possibly an indication of somebody jumping the gun in announcing the news. In any case, it would seem that it is finally a done deal. Maybe.

And it's probably best for all involved that Chrissy goes now. Admittedly our goal threat will be seriously depleted, but I'm not sure what sort of contribution he would have made had he been waiting around for a summer move. You may remember that Stuart Fleetwood's goal tally at Forest Green dropped off after Christmas a couple of years ago, when it became clear he would be moving on. I expect that even if a player is trying his best, subconsciously you must hang back a bit in fear of injuring yourself and ruining a potential big move.

The only problem with this saga having dragged on for so long is that Lingy now only has three days to secure a replacement. Hopefully he already has some targets in mind.

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20 word match reports - Sports:0 U's:2

Hurrah hurrah, the road to Wembley continues to be paved with gold for Lingy's amber army. As Clive Tyldesley would've undoubtedly screamed had he been commentating on last night's victory at Eastbourne; NAME. ON. THE. TROPHY. Who can possibly halt our quest for glory? Except maybe Stevenage. Or York. Or Oxford. Or some other teams.

As you can probably tell from this rambling nonsense, I wasn't at Priory Lane last night, so I will leave reporting duty to my learned friends Ling's Awkward Smile and Me and the Palmer, get on fine. Good effort chaps (or chapesses);

Haiku Review:
Eastbourne yet again
Ives and Reason hit the net
Thank god that's over
- Ling's Awkward Smile

A report which doubles as an ode to a recently-departed amber soldier:
Pity it was so cold,
I had a hat on.
The game was ok,
Two-nil to the U's!
- Me and the Palmer, get on fine

*If you'd like to submit a match report - of 20 words or less - about next Tuesday's match against Salisbury/Maidstone, or any future match, you can email me via cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under a recent post.

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Hard man David Partridge wings in

One wonders whether Lingy has a check list he goes through when looking at potential signings. Ex-Orient? Check. A chequered past? Er, Check. Then step forward new recruit David Partridge.

Obviously I'll wait and see what he's like before I get too excited, but on the face of it this looks like a good signing. An experienced centre half who's played in the Football League, and one who must be used to slumming it after spells in the Scottish and Irish leagues. If you believe his wikipedia page (and why wouldn't you?) he also appears to be a bit of a nutter, and as we've lacked a hard bastard at the back since the departure of Bolland he should slot in nicely alongside Saah. Good captaincy material to take some pressure off Carden perhaps?

Unfortunately he's not available for tonight's trophy tie at Eastbourne, which must be the biggest match of our season so far. It's a sad day when I use "trophy tie" and "biggest match of the season" in the same sentence, but if we lose we will literally have nothing left to play for this year. I'm in no hurry to get back to Wembley (or, as it was memorably described by a writer in When Saturday Comes magazine, "The Emirates with a handle"), but the revenue would be nice and it keeps the rest of the season vaguely interesting.

Good luck to any brave souls making the trip down to Eastbourne tonight, fingers crossed you don't have to endure extra time and penalties...

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Black holes and revelations - the CUFC AGM and other stuff

When was the last time you saw United score a goal from open play?

For me it was Danny Crow's late winner against Chester on December 1, nearly seven weeks ago. Seeing as the earliest I'll get to another game is next Tuesday, I will have gone two whole months without witnessing a U's goal that didn't come from the penalty spot. I sometimes wonder why I bother.

Saturday's 1-0 reverse at the hands of York City, our fifth league defeat in a row, was another frustrating, goalless, afternoon, and one that I think emphasised the importance of confidence in football. York did very little of note in the final third, but defended solidly knowing they'd get a chance sooner or later. And when they did finally get a sight of goal they took a shot and earned a bit of luck with the deflection that took Neil Barratt's effort past Danny Potter.

On the other hand, United huffed, puffed, and got nowhere, with our attacks getting more and more panicky - and less and less effective - as time progressed. We looked like a team that had run out of ideas as soon as York scored, which is a worrying sign. Lingy will have his work cut out to turn things around, but hopefully a few new signings will change the dynamic of the squad and inject a bit of that illusive confidence.

One player who may not be on his way out just yet is Super Chris, whose move to Brighton appears to have hit a snag. I suspect the striker's agent is busy whoring his client around clubs in the north west, in the hope of securing him a move nearer home. Hopefully the situation will be resolved soon either way, as we need to know where we stand.

Tonight is the Cambridge United AGM, and chairman Paul Barry will no doubt come under the microscope following the article in today's CN confirming that he'd be prepared to sell his shares in the club. Mr Barry has kept United going in the past few years with several substantial cash injections, for which we should all be grateful, but given the disastrous chairmanships of Law and Rolls, you have to question his decision making in appointing people to look after his cash.

And it's been the suggestion for a while that he doesn't want to keep putting his money into CUFC, so perhaps now is the right time for a change. Whether there is a good alternative out there is another matter, but it seems to me that the current situation, with a chairman and who is based on another continent, and whose commitment is questionable, is not one that can continue if the club is going to move forward. And with Gareth Baldwin set to be unveiled in a consultancy role (see yesterday's NLP) it should be an interesting meeting.

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20-word match report - U's:0 Minstermen:1

Today's match report - well actually two match reports - come from Ben Mynott:

Why use 20 words when three will suffice: smash and grab.

Or two more: woeful finishing.

Especially Phillips. We need a target man desperately. Farewell Hatswell & Holroyd; you've both served the club well & will get a good reception should you ever return. Ben Mynott.

*If you'd like to submit a match report - of 20 words or less - about Tuesday's Trophy replay at Eastbourne, or any future match, you can email me via cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under a recent post.

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RIP Courtney's Cambridge United career - hello Simon Russell

Today my friends is a sad day in the history of CUFC, up there with the day we sold the Abbey, the day we got relegated to the Conference, and the day we decided to appoint Steve Thompson as manager.

Because just hours ago Courtney Pitt's departure was confirmed, with the little winger joining York on loan for the rest of the season.

For me this is the first bum note Lingy has played in the transfer market so far. Courtney isn't the most consistent of players, and his ability to look like Leo Messi one minute, Kingsley Mbome the next, has always divided the opinions of supporters. But if he was brilliant all the time he clearly wouldn't be at this level, and if you look at the assist charts over the five years he has been at the club I'm sure he would always feature near the top.

Above all, his departure leaves badly us lacking what the Spanish call a "fantasy" player, someone who can come up with an unexpected moment of magic. Quite often during our stay in the Conference a Pitt run or shimmy has been the only thing to light up a dreary match, and I think now he's gone we might truly realise what a dangerous player he is at this level. All the best Courtney.

In his place we appear to have acquired a younger version of Hatswell, a blonde cockatoo by the name of Simon Russell, who played a lot last season for York when they were rubbish, but hasn't featured much since they've become decent. And when you add in the fact that Lingy himself describes the new man as "versatile" (ie not very good at anything), then the early signs don't look promising if you ask me. But I'd be a fool to write off a player before he's even pulled on an amber shirt, so let's hope he shows himself to be worthy of a longer stay.

*Don't forget I want your 20-word match reports on the York match tomorrow. Details below.

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Trophy, turncoats and trashy television

I awoke this morning to the sound of Carlos Crow roaring a battle cry of "We can still make the play-offs."

Not because young Mr Crow was in my house at 7am you understand, that would have been a bit weird. No, it was on the radio, and although I initially thought he must have signed for another club, it turns out he was referring to United. It (finishing in the top five) all sounds a bit optimistic to me, but I suppose if Loose Women can win an award for being the best factual programme on television then anything is possible.

A more realistic prospect is the FA trophy, and United's hopes of reaching round three remain alive - albeit on life support - after Tuesday's shambolically entertaining 2-2 draw with Eastbourne. The two teams will be sick of the sight of each other by the time next weeks replay is over.

However, our yearly Trophy showdown with the Villagers may have to be cancelled due to allegations that they fielded an illegible player in their 3-0 first round victory at Maidstone. Expulsion from the competition awaits if they are found guilty at an FA hearing on Monday. I like Uncle Fester's assertion in today's CN that they'll get off the hook because "it's not like we signed David Beckham to win us the tie." That's bound to go down a treat with the FA. But perhaps if Histon do get expelled Stutes chairman Tony Roach will reassess his statement that Fallon is the most unprofessional person he has encountered in football...

Anyway, the CN also reports that, surprise surprise, Gareth Baldwin is considering an offer to come on board at United, I don't think anybody saw that coming. Personally I have mixed feelings about his potential involvement. On the one hand he undoubtedly has good commercial contacts which could be utilised to get money into the club, but on the other the way he has treated United fans over the last couple of years, particularly last season during the Glassworld lock out fiasco, has been nothing short of atrocious. You would hope that if he is appointed he will not be given carte blanche to do what he likes as Chairman George was.

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20 word match report - U's:2 Sports:2

So we've received our first (but hopefully not last) 20 word match report, from Michael, who submitted it despite not actually being at the match. Seems like a very sensible strategy to me.

Didn't go! Watched City beat manure on the box. Listened to Radio Cambridgeshire for the last ten minutes. Final score 2-2. - Michael.

If you'd like to send a match report - of 20 words or less - about this Saturday's match against York, you can email me via cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under a recent post.

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Wanted: Your 20-word match reports

How's your trophy fever? I can hardly contain my excitement ahead of tonight's clash of the titans between the mighty U's (three wins in 16) and Eastbourne (one win in 15). If Saturday was anything to go by it's bound to be a feast of football, and Wembley is a mere, er, few games away. Believe people, believe.

Anyway, you may have noticed that I now write the match reports for home games on the official website. And as it seems unlikely anyone would want to read the same drivel twice, I want you to do my work for me and send in match reports of 20 words or less. It was something one of the fanzines did ages ago and I thought it was a cool idea, so we'll see if it works this time around. Make them funny, foul-mouthed, rhyming, or even nonsensical, I'll leave it up to you.

You can either post them as a comment under this article, email them to cufcblog@googlemail.com, or tweet them to me via @Us_Blog. I'll look forward to reading the results (if there are any) and posting them up on here tomorrow or Thursday.

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U's:0 Sports:1

Gah, can someone please put this terrible season out of it's misery; if it was a race horse it would have been shot ages ago, if it was a car it would be on the scrap heap, if it was a pop star it would be, er, David Sneddon (left).

I'm sure that's enough similies to convey my displeasure at having to witness another dire display against opposition who we would have beaten comfortably in the good old days. The performance wasn't quite as bad as that game against Chester before Christmas, but it was still pretty crap, and suffice to say I'm not particularly looking forward to having to endure another 90 minutes on Tuesday night.

I'd like to blame our young, unfamiliar, back four, but you couldn't really fault any of them. In fact the two debutants - Hudson and Palmer - were probably our outstanding players. Hudson looks a real prospect, and paired with a senior partner I think he could be a first team regular next season. Meanwhile Palmer was pretty solid and put over a number of useful crosses, although my only slight worry about him would be that he got caught upfield on a number of occasions.

Our problem was the front six, none of whom covered themselves in glory against part time opposition. Fair play to Eastbourne, who defended in numbers, but we really should have put them under more pressure. There were too many channel balls up to Crow and Holroyd, and when we did get into crossing positions, more often than not the opportunity to test Danny Knowles in the Sports goal was squandered. A note, too, on our set pieces, which were uniformly dreadful. Why are none of our players capable of whipping in a cross with height and pace ala someone like Gareth Gwillim? The tame, floated, deliveries Willmott and co persist with are never going to test any centre back worth his salt.

It's getting to the stage where I really don't care if any members of our underperforming squad leave, and that includes Holroyd, heavily linked with Brighton in the papers this morning. We're not going to get promoted, and due to the amount of shit in the division we're in no danger of being relegated either, so really the whole campaign is a total write off. I suggest we withdraw from all remaining league games and let the pools panel decide the results, we might pick up a few more points that way.

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Express yourself, create the space, express yourself, don't give up the chase

Bad news ladies and gents, the FA has confirmed that there will be no official World Cup song from the England team at this summers contest.

According to an FA spokesman, the killjoy misery guts England management "want to be fully focused on the football." Someone should perhaps tell them that the Brabinator employed a similarly joyless attitude ahead of the play-off final last season, and look what happened to him. Personally I blame Embrace, whose 2006 dirge World at Your Feet was enough to put anyone off football-related music, or music in general, for life. Someone needs to write another World in Motion, and fast.



Hopefully Lingy will have the players all singing from the same songsheet when our league campaign resumes at home to Eastbourne Borough tomorrow. With Hatswell and Saah both suspended, Blaine Hudson looks set to become the latest child to feature in our first team this term, and having seen him in pre-season I have high hopes for the CRC-graduate. I get the impression that Lingy doesn't rate Josh Coulson, and if Hudson impresses I can see him usurping his older colleague in the centre back pecking order.

The Histon circus continues to provide an interesting sideshow following the bizarre press conference given yesterday by Tony Roach. In a speech sure to do wonders for Histon's already dwindling fanbase he somehow managed to blame Steve Y'Know, Gareth Baldwin, the supporters, the local media, The Railway Vue pub, Gordon Brown, and Princess Diana for the current shambles at the Glassworld Stadium. And in an interview packed with contradictions, I particularly liked the bit where he said that Fallon would be allowed to chose his own assistant, then in the next breath added that he'd given the outgoing manager a list conditions of employment, one of which was that he had to keep Alan Lewer. Still, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

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Fallon goes again, and other stuff

Not content with nicking our title of "biggest club in Cambridge", the Villagers seem intent on taking the "most shambolic team in Cambridge" crown too.

Steve Y'know's sacking, just two days after he returned to work, was such a ridiculous (and funny) event that I'm half expecting Tony Roach to tear off his face and reveal that he is actually George Rolls masquerading in a Roach suit. Rolls/Roach hasn't even bothered to come up with a new reason for firing Fallon, instead just copying and pasting the statement he made when Lingy left and changing a couple of the names:

"After resuming the role only yesterday it soon became very evident that underlying irreconcilable differences between Steve and myself and the Board would preclude the partnership ever working for the benefit of Histon FC so it was a unanimous decision of the Board of Directors to relieve him of his responsibilities with immediate effect," the Histon supremo said, as he removed the last trace of the Baldwin era from the the Glassworld Stadium.

One suspects the irreconcilable differences between the pair may be small, bald, and Uncle Fester-shaped, as Lewer has, er, stepped into the shoes of his ex-boss on several occasions in the past. It should also be noted that none of these forays into management have gone particularly well, so I wish the Villagers luck with that one, they'll probably need it.

Meanwhile, United secretary Wayne Purser is on his way, meaning there is a vacancy in the club's backroom to be filled ahead of the AGM. A job for former Histon secretary Mrs Baldwin perhaps? Certainly it's looking more and more likely that she and/or her husband will be involved with United at some point in the future.

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Orient re-union continues as Aiden Palmer signs

For someone who supposedly set up a scouting network for Hibs while he was between jobs, Lingy's little black book seems suspiciously full of players with Leyton Orient on their CV.

Nothing wrong with that of course, just so long as we're not going to restrict ourselves entirely to ex-O's men when it comes to boosting our squad - I'd hate to think that we might end up doing something heinous like re-employing Luke Guttridge.

The arrival of left-back Aiden Palmer, formerly of Orient, Bishops Stortford, and, er, Edmonton Shankstarz, will no doubt cause much grumbling from those who believe we shouldn't be signing someone who was jailed last year for his involvement in a "bloody street battle". But personally I don't think you can deny anyone a second, or third, or 500th chance at turning their life around. What kind of society would we be if we just wrote people off when they did something wrong? Not a very nice one, that's what.

What concerns me most is whether Palmer will be able to step into the sizeable shoes of Tonks on the left side of our defence. After a quick glance at the Orient messageboard, it would seem that the answer is an emphatic maybe:

"He was awful"

"Watched him twice over the Christmas, New Year holidays when Braintree played Bishops Stortford and he was a class above everybody else.
"He'll do OK at Cambridge, there's a decent little full back in there somewhere."

"Palmer will do alright there. Did have a decent run a few years back but seemed to lose it."

"Never rated him."

So there we go. While it's not the kind of ringing endorsement they gave Saah, on the other hand he doesn't sound like a complete Trevor Robinson. It's also unlikely the Orient fans appreciate the complete rubbishness of Conference football, which allows even the most average of players to make a name for themselves. And if our new man applies himself properly, it sounds like he has the talent to do the bizzle, fo shizzle.

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An ice little earner?

The longer this wintry weather lasts, the more and more retarded the general public seem to be getting. On the radio this morning some bloke had called in to wonder why we don't deal with snow as well as countries like Norway? There are no words, really.

Even those resourceful Nordic types would have struggled to ready a pitch in time for United's match against Eastbourne tomorrow, which has long since been postponed. Not for the first time I'm find myself glad that I don't work for Radio Cambridgeshire, who have to fill a four-hour sports show tomorrow afternoon despite all the local action having been called off. I look forward to live reports from the Wisbeach and district Table Tennis club, or perhaps the Huntingdonshire Judo association. Good luck with that folks.

One suspects the rearranged date of next Tuesday for our FA Trophy showdown is a bit optimistic too, but we'll have to wait and see. And seeing as there isn't a game it leaves Lingy, Cardy, and Jez George free to continue their direct marketing campaign to flog Chris Holroyd.

"If I was a betting man, I probably wouldn't put any money on Chris being here beyond January," Cardy told Radio Cambs, while hanging a big For Sale sign around the 17-goal hitman's neck. "There’s no pressure for players to leave, but we’ve got to make sure whatever deal we do that it’s in the best interest of Cambridge United," added Jez. "But if Chris goes it won’t be for anything under our valuation unless it's gets near the end of the window and we haven't had any bids."

I might have made that last bit up, but the fact remains that the comments in the press this week make it fairly clear we want to get Holroyd off the books this month, and in that respect it makes sense to try and start a bidding war, or at least a small bidding skirmish. But there's a fine line between talking things up and looking desperate, and the United management will have to be careful that they don't make their desire to cash in on Super Chris too apparent, otherwise his value will start plummeting quicker than the temperature.

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Ins and outs as Lingy shakes it all about

Much like that pesky snow and ice, the transfer window is back with a vengeance this week.

Unlike the snow it probably won't cause a national disaster, or any panic buying in the supermarkets, unless we all become addicted to Sky Sports News that is. But it does promise to keep the staff at the Abbey busy as Lingy reshapes his squad ahead of the battle for that coveted 12th place spot in the Conference. Here's a round up of the comings and goings, confirmed or otherwise, at CUFC this week.

Jon Challinor out (to Mansfield): We already knew about this one, but nevertheless it is a relief to see it go through. JC has been fairly anonymous throughout his time at United, and although he has done good stuff in the past, I suspect his career is now on a downward arc. A complete waste of £15,000 by Brabin.

Anthony Tonkin out (to Oxford): Again this has been common knowledge for a while, and I'm in two minds as to whether it's a good thing. On the one hand, Tonks has probably been our most consistent player this season, and will be difficult to replace. But do we really want to tie up a lot of our budget on an outstanding left back? Obviously in an ideal world you'd like quality players in every position, but now we are operating on a restricted budget I suspect his (presumably hefty) wages can be better used to strengthen in more important areas.

Wayne Hatswell out (to Dundalk): The news that Hats will soon be twatting 40-yard free kicks into defensive walls in the League of Ireland is unexpected post-Christmas bonus. I assumed we'd be stuck with his ageing legs until the end of the season, and given his dip in form this year it's probably the right time for him to pursue a coaching career. All the best Wayno, and thanks for memories such as this:



Luke Foster in? Fresh from his capture of Tonkin, nasty turncoat Chris Wilder was quoted on Radio Cambs this morning as saying we're in for their unwanted centre half Luke Foster. I'll confess to knowing nothing about him other than a) the fake U's used to rate him highly, and b) he fell out with the last manager who I seem to remember accused him of being a big time Charlie. Will reserve judgement on this one if it happens, but anyone's got to be better than Josh Coulson.

Matt Lockwood in? Not sure if there's anything in this or whether the link has arisen purely because the Colchester left back has worked with the Ling before and is available for loan. But if we can afford him I think he'd probably be a good addition. Although at 33 he must be past his best, he would be a senior voice in the dressing room to give the manager some back up, which you imagine would very beneficial given that Lingy doesn't have an assistant manager to call his own.

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New year stuff

Happy new year folks. My journey back through the channel tunnel seems to have transported me to a bizarre parallel universe where League One Leeds are capable of beating Man United, the BBC deem it appropriate to make the awful Colin Murray the new face of the BDO world darts championships, and Histon think they can nick three of our senior players.

Perhaps Tony Roach has made it his new year's resolution to troll United as much as possible in 2010. Not content with declaring that the Villagers are the "biggest club in Cambridge" (anyone see the slight flaw in that? Unless Histon and Impington has jumped across the A14 in my absence that is) today Stutes acting manager Uncle Fester revealed he is interested in signing up Gleeson, Willmott, and Beesley: "I’ve always been a big admirer of Beesley, Gleeson and Willmott, I’ve spoken to a director at Cambridge and made my interest known to him," he said, before adding that he had put in a call to Sir Alex to enquire about Wayne Rooney's availability, and was looking at Stephen Gerrard as a potential replacement for Josh Simpson.

If this wasn't such a transparent PR stunt I would be quite happy at the prospect of someone taking Beesley and Willmott off our hands. Still, it's good to know that the Roach magic wand has done it's work on the Villagers precarious finances, to the extent that they can now put in bids for full time players and expand their stadium's capacity to 5,200 (average attendance so far this season; 973). Obviously there's nothing to worry about at the Glassworld.

Sadly Lingy must have plenty on his mind after our 4-1 defeat at Stevenage, not least that we could go into our Trophy game against Eastbourne next week with a backline comprised entirely of players yet to hit puberty. With Saah and Hatswell suspended, and Tonks on his way to Oxford, a totally CRC-spawned defence of McAuley - Coulson - Hudson - Coakley looks a distinct possibility, acne-tastic!

However, perhaps the freezing weather will come to our aid and the game will be postponed; it's bad times when the Trophy is all you've got to play for, but it has to be our priority now, and I would rather the senior players missed a league game than this, gulp, important cup tie.

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