Lincoln:1 U's:3 - Cups half full and cups half empty

A little while back, I asked my, ahem, army of Twitter followers whether they could think of a better nickname for our manager than Lingy.

My favourite response was the suggestion from @chrisozz that "If he were a wrestler I think he'd be called The Linguist."

This seems particularly apt given some of the things Martin Ling comes out with. After all, the best nicknames are often the most ironic.

"Today [Sunday's game at Lincoln] was another banana skin and we came through it with flying colours," announced our leader, taking the english language and pushing it through the mangle a couple more times for good measure. "It's a difficult place to come and you have to come and do the job and do it right and we did that today."

It was always going to be an uphill struggle for Lincoln without the presence of the legendary Terry Fleming, who dropped out of the match because playing against United would have been too emotional for him he had a prior engagement. Had the gold-toothed schemer been on the pitch, flopping his rubbish long throws into the box at every opportunity, the outcome could have been far different.

Although by the sounds of things we were below par again, I think that Sunday's match was always going to be a no-win situation for United - if you lose it's massively embarrassing, and if you win you always think you should have beaten such lowly opposition more convincingly. Nevertheless, [cliche]the main thing is that we're through to the next round[/cliche], and have a winnable looking game on the horizon against Blue Square North side Ilkeston.

Meanwhile the Villagers have come up with a cunning plan to make up for the lack of Cup income - a hastily arranged glamour friendly with, er, Peterborough reserves. Sounds like a sure-fire money spinner to me, I hope Cambridgeshire Police have been informed about the massive crowd that will no doubt be in attendance.

Presumably Steve Y'Know will also continue hawking Lanre Oyebanjo round to all and sundry: "He will go somewhere in the January window I would imagine, so we’ve got to do what’s best for us and for Lanre," a not-at-all-desparate sounding Y'Know told the CN last week after P*sh agreed to take the right back on trial. Methinks a long hard winter could be in prospect at The Glassworld

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AOB: Conference Sponsorship news

In between publishing their usual mix of homophobic bile and general scaremongering nonsense, this morning's Daily Mail found time to report this:

"There may soon be a full set of the major English professional football competitions looking for new backing such is the sponsorship crisis facing the game.
"The latest sponsors in discussion over whether to renew a title endorsement are online betting operation Blue Square, whose three-year support of the Conference divisions below the Football League will terminate at the end of the season."

Not to be outdone, The Conference's slick PR machine moved swiftly into action this afternoon with this statement:

"In light of an article published today in the Daily Mail, the Football Conference and our Title sponsor Blue Square, wish to distance ourselves from the report suggesting that Blue Square are to terminate their sponsorship at the end of this current season."

Everybody feeling reassured? Time will tell whether Blue Square feel it is worthwhile to sign up again now that the league isn't televised. But given the Conference board's long list of previous faux pas', I think it would have been appropriate to send out the following image with the press release:

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Hayes & Yeading:3 U's:0 - all at sea

What did you do with your Saturday?

Mine was spent in not-so-sunny Hunstanton, which I was pleased to discover hasn’t changed at all since I holidayed there as a child; same amusement arcades, same fair ground rides, same bizarre shops – the kind which only seem to exist in Norfolk these days – selling everything from knitting needles to out of date crisps. It was like stepping back in time.

Something else which hasn’t changed since my childhood is United’s propensity to try and ruin my weekend. With all due respect etc etc there’s not really any excuse for capitulating at the hands of a part-time outfit like Hayes & Yeading, and by all accounts we were pretty dire, although these excellent video highlights would seem to indicate we created enough to chances to get something out of the game:

Anyway, I’ve been having a think about what’s going wrong so far this season, and I’ve come to the conclusion that our team is severely lacking in leadership. When you think back to the 2007/08 season, JQ’s side was full of figures who could be relied on to rally the troops when the chips were down. Say what you like about players such as Danny Brown, Mark Albrighton, or the great Mark Peters, but even if they were playing badly they could be relied on to gee the players up a bit. Who have we got in the current team who you could say the same about? Cardy? Danny Potter perhaps?

Of course, the squad isn’t that much different to last season, when we did alright, but even then I always felt we lacked a degree of resilience. If we went behind in a game, or playing badly, we struggled to turn it around, and that problem has been exacerbated so far this term.

Lingy gets the benefit of the doubt from me for now, but his talk of attitude problems will be pointless unless he makes changes. I was disappointed to see Challinor back on the bench on Saturday at the expense of Jordan Patrick or Adam Marriott - it doesn’t exactly show a great degree of trust in the young players if he’d rather have a transfer listed player in reserve. I hope his talk of being happy to blood the youngsters isn’t going to turn out to be just lip service.

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United out to avoid hairy moments at Hayes

I've had a couple of shocks to the system this week.

One was the completely unexpected, but truly marvellous, beard sported by David Beckham in England's 3-0 win over Belarus. You don't see many fully bearded footballers these days, let alone those with facial hair of a different colour to that on top of their head. It impressed watching Sunderland manager Steve Bruce so much that he decided to give the former England skipper the Man of the Match award, despite the fact that he [Beckham] was only on the field for half an hour. Well done Becks.

The other was Danny Crow's revelation that he "doesn't start scoring till October". This will come as a shock to United fans, most of whom probably didn't realise that he starts scoring at all. I did laugh when I heard Crowy labelled "CUFC's Carlos Tevez" on Radio Cambs the other day, because the similarities between the two are becoming more obvious by the week: Neither of them score many goals, but do run around a lot to no great effect, and get a lot of love from fans for it. Both are short and, er, a bit dumpy, and both have increasingly preposterous hairbands. Hopefully Crowy has no plans to join a band playing shantytown/urban music, I'm not sure the world is ready for that.

After that superb goal last week I shouldn't mock I suppose. And Carlos Crow and his team mates have a good chance to add to their respective goal tallies tomorrow when we face lowly Hayes and Yeading. With Willmott and Parky set to be sidelined, it will be interesting to see which way Lingy chooses to go; will he pick the obvious replacement, Jordan Patrick, or will he decide to play the slightly more experienced Sam Ives out of position?

For me this would seem like the ideal opportunity to blood JP against opposition who, with all due respect, are unlikely to be the strongest we encounter this season. But on the evidence of his reign so far, I think ML will opt for the safety-first option of Ives. Hayes have only picked up one point from a possible 18 in their last six games, so regardless of the line up, a United win is really the only acceptable result.

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U's:4 Eurostar:0

One day our team will learn to play decent football for 90 minutes. And when that day arrives, we may have a realistic chance of promotion.

In our current state we will continue to get results against terrible teams like Ebbsfleet, and even (I'll whisper it quietly) mediocre ones like the Villagers. But you have to think that anyone half decent is going to beat us fairly comfortably, and the sluggishness which, once again, afflicted our play in the first period of Saturday's match needs to be eradicated, and fast.

And lets not make any bones about it, Ebbsfleet were terrible. It amazes me that you still hear people saying things like "the Conference is a really competitive league" and "the standard in this league is higher than ever", when it clearly isn't. There may some relatively big teams at the top of the table, but there is certainly a lot more dross at the bottom than there was a couple of years ago.

Before the game we were serenaded by a samba band, presumably brought in to welcome Fleet's absent striker, and former United loanee, Mango Vieira. It didn't inspire any of the players to do anything vaguely Brazilian in a first half lower on quality than the latest U2 album. Fleet probably had the better of things, and striker Luis Cumbers had a shot blocked by Danny Potter, while tricky winger Ismael Welsh blazed over after a typically mazy dribble. Potter was also forced into one brilliant save, clawing away a dipping shot from Scott Shulton that looked goalbound.

United had threatened sporadically from set pieces, but it came as something of a surprise when we took the lead just before half time. Jai Reason, who put in a much improved performance compared to some of his recent displays, threaded a pass through for Chris Holroyd, who reached the ball ahead of Lance Cronin, skipped past the stranded keeper, and delived a cross to the far post, where the Pittster made a predigious leap to head the ball into the unguarded net.

Judging by Courtney's bonce-rubbing celebration, he hadn't scored a header for a while, but it was just reward for his performances since returning from transfer-listed exile. The winger was at his unplayable best in the second half, displaying his full array of dribbles, tricks, and flicks. In the 53rd minute he was much too quick for Paul McCarthy, turning and being brought down by the Fleet player/coach. Super Chris, whose penalties are beginning to assume the metronomic quality of Scott Rendell's, slotted away the spot kick high to Cronin's left. 2-0.

Shortly afterwards another Pitt run and cross set up a chance for Tonks, who swept his shot over the bar from just inside the box, and after that the game descended into a lull until the final ten minutes, when United put some, perhaps undeserved, gloss on the scoreline. First Pitt was at it again, releasing Willmott with a superb defence splitting pass. Young Robbie kept his cool, held off a defender, and slotted past the keeper via the inside of the post. But the best goal was certainly the last, which stemmed from some good play from subs Sam Ives and Lee Phillips. Picking up an Ives pass, big Phil juggled the ball on the edge of the area, before unleashing a tremendous half volley which rattled the underside of the bar. The ball rebounded to Crowy on the opposite corner of the box, and he took his time and lined up a curling shot which dipped over Cronin and into the far corner. Superb strike. 4-0.

As I say, I think the final score was slightly flattering, but on their second half performance there's no doubt United were worthy winners. We can only hope this result will herald some improved consistency from Lingy's charges.

Man of the Match: Courtney Pitt - Scored one and made two to cap a sparkling performance.





Slightly homo-erotic ritual of the match: Fleet giants Leon Crooks and Darius Charles were indulging in a bout of shadow boxing just prior to kick off. It was very cute.

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Abbey-ly ever after?

New shirt sponsors eh? Exciting times, and although I was hoping for a return of the C&R Windows splodge, I suppose Greene King will do for now.

In other news this week, Paul Barry seems to have been enjoying the (quite good) new Channel Five show Flash Forward to the extent that it has caused him to have a preminition of his own. Fortunately it doesn't involve any of his colleagues dying, or his wife having an affair, but does feature United staying at the Abbey for at least ten years.

Our leader said: "Cambridge United is and has been at the heart of the community in Cambridge and I believe we now must focus on our current location. Of all the various football stadia I have visited around the world, my favourite ones are those right in cities.

"Fans are at the heart of the atmosphere created at stadia, and with our passionate fans, staying at and improving the Abbey would be my personal wish."

In an ideal world, I too would like to see us stay at the Abbey for ever and ever, but there's no mention in there of how we might get round the little matter of ~£2.5million which we'll have to pay the ginger one in rent over the coming decade.

Having covered our losses personally in recent years, Mr Barry should know better than most that the current situation isn't sustainable, and having done a bit of research I couldn't find one example of a club that pays a substantial rent and achieves on pitch success/stability at the same time. Oxford are obviously doing alright so far this season despite their rent, but it remains to be seen what will happen if they don't get promoted this year.

So we can only hope there is more to this statement than meets the eye. Otherwise it is difficult to see us moving forward as a club with the stadium millstone hanging round our neck.

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Villagers:1 U's:1

Some things in life are inevitable.

Every year politicians make things up, chocolate bars get smaller (and more expensive), and the X-Factor winner produces the Christmas number one single, and there’s very little anyone can do about it. As a Cambridge United fan, another sure thing to add to the list is that Histon will always score a late goal.

Said goal is likely to be a scrappy affair stemming from a set piece of some description. Predictably enough, it happened again yesterday; they got an injury-time corner, the ball was headed on by one of their giant players, bobbled around, hit another giant player (Matt Langston) in the face, and ended up in the net.

It was disappointing to concede yet another late goal, but United were far from their best for two-thirds of the game, so a draw was probably a fair result. Histon dominated proceedings in a low-quality first half, played out in an atmosphere more akin to a pre-season friendly than a local derby. If you read the local press or listen to Radio Cambs you may get the impression that the Stutes are now a slick passing team akin to Brazil 1970 or Arsenal circa 2004. And while it's true to say that, in the absence of the gardening John Beck, they are a little bit less direct, the only time they really looked like scoring was from set pieces. Plus ca change.

It took vital blocks from Anthony Tonkin and Brian Saah to stop Josh Simpson and Nat Knight-Percival, while Danny Wright spurned a glorious chance, robbing Paul Carden and sprinting clear on goal, only to drag his shot wide when it looked easier to score.

Apparently Lingy gave the players a deserved roasting at half time, and they came out for part two looking much more purposeful. Nevertheless, it was still the home side who created the better chances, and a big up and under from John Kennedy set up a chance for Simpson, who was denied by a stretching save from Potter. From the resulting corner, Pottsy also had to be at his best, leaping high to palm away a header from convicted racist Craig Pope.

Simpson hit another shot straight at the U's keeper before United took control. The Pittster was in inspired form, tormenting the Histon back line with some superb dribbles which had Pope and co tied in knots. A couple of runs resulted in shots which drew great saves from Danny Naisbett, while Danny Crow had a diving header blocked, and a angled cross-cum-shot from Hatswell almost looped in at the far post.

When the breakthrough came, it was inevitably Courtney who was the provider, picking up a short corner and driving a low cross into the six yard area where the predatory Holroyd turned in his 12th goal of the season. 1-0.

It couldn't last though, despite the best efforts of Potter, who made a superb save to keep out Billy Crooks' curling free kick. From the resulting corner, Langston climbed highest to win the initial knockdown, and, well, you know the rest.

We were atrocious in the first half, but much better in the second, and hopefully we can take the latter form into our next two, winnable looking, matches.

Man of the Match: Danny Potter - Made up for last seasons error at the Glassworld with a fine performance.




Debate of the Match: An argument between two of our more, er, special supporters (I won't name them, but I'm sure you can guess who they are) about the merits of Danny Crow. Needless to say it was a highly intellectual exchange.

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