Villagers:2 U's:3

Hurrah hurrah. United finally put the villagers back in their place on Saturday in a derby match which ebbed and flowed like a wetter version of the Colorado River.

Trudging across the paddy field that masquerades as Histon Rec at about 2.30pm yesterday seemed like the ultimate masochistic act; it was freezing, wet, and we were approaching the ground for which United seem to reserve their most dismal performances. I think it’s fair to say that few members of the amber army approached the game with any large degree of optimism.

Inside the “stadium” the scene was little less bleak, with the ever bog-like Bridge Road pitch in a particularly gruesome state ahead of its third game in a week. You have to wonder how it was deemed playable in the first place given that there was probably more mud than grass on the playing surface, a situation which will no doubt continue well into 2009, as it does every season. The Stutes may be investing money in their infrastructure, but evidently a decent pitch isn’t top of their priorities list.


This is probably because it helps their, ahem, direct style to play out matches on what is little more than a swamp. Witness the opening goal; Gareth Gwillim swung a wicked free kick into the box, which bounced off a few heads, stuck in the mud, and fell to Jack Midson, who brought the ball under the control before firing across Potter and into the far corner.

That came after four United-dominated minutes, and indeed we were on top for much of the opening half. The Brabinator had made three changes, with Challinor, Farrell, and Holroyd coming into the line up, and the latter two were particularly impressive, with Farrell, playing out of the position on the right, using the ball intelligently, and Holroyd buzzing around Rendell like a Bee that had consumed too much Red Bull.

Talking point one came in the 15th minute. Holroyd chased a long ball forward, and was clearly wrestled away from the ball by Gwillim. For reasons best known to himself, referee Gary Sutton awarded a free kick to the home side, a decision which riled up players from both sides. The ensuing melee saw Bolland, who had raced 40 yards to join in (presumably to calm things down with a dose of scouse wit), receive a slap round the chops for his troubles from Mat Mitchell-King. Bolly was yellow-carded, while the Villagers captain was given his marching orders.

United tried to make their numerical advantage count, but the Stutes crowded the middle of the park effectively, and the only outlet ball was to Robbie Willmott on the left. Unfortunately he was his usual frustrating self, seemingly beating his man at will but then sending over a poor final cross or shot. His best effort whistled a few inches over Danny Naisbett’s bar, and the home keeper was only extended once, tipping a deflected Farrell shot around the post.

Brabin’s boys needed an early breakthrough in part two, and it came from the mighty Scott Rendell. Picking up possession after some neat passing between Gleeson, Carden, and Farrell, Scotty advanced into the area, and from the narrowest of angles chipped the ball over Naisbett and into the far corner. Most probably it was meant as a cross for the inrushing Holroyd, but who cares, we had finally scored a goal at Bridge Road. 1-1.

Everyone’s favourite convicted racist Craig Pope soon entered the fray to a crescendo of boos from the United fans, and quicker than you could say “oh look, a person of Afro-Caribbean origin” he had conceded a penalty, bringing down Willmott as he nicked the ball off his toe just inside the box. Some might say justice was done as Scotty showed that he remains deadly from the spot, sending Naisbett the wrong way. 2-1.

It seemed as though the players thought they had the game in the bag after this, and Histon began to dominate for the first time in the match. Gwillim started to wind up his long throws, aided by an army of towel-wielding ballboys, and from one such delivery Knight-Percival chipped a shot over Potter but against the crossbar.

However, the young winger didn’t have to wait long for his fourth goal against the U’s in three years. Another Gwillim missile thundered into the area and bounced off a leg or two before Knight-Percival squirmed a low shot under the body of Potter. It had been coming. 2-2.

Chances came and went at both ends as the match descended into a full on war of attrition. The best came when Challinor made space on the right and caught out Naisbett with a cheeky dinked cross, but the dastardly Pope was on hand to make an excellent clearance.

United’s numerical advantage increased with six minutes left, when the nations favourite postman (after Pat), Matt Langston, picked up a pair of yellows in quick succession for fouls on Willmott. First, he pulled back the young winger on half way as he burst clear. Then he launched into a knee high assault on RW by the touchline. Another red card that Pinocchio and Geppetto can have few complaints about, and to be fair to the Histon boss he made no excuses for his players during his post match interview with Radio Cambridgeshire.

Anyway, even with two less players, the Stutes weren’t going to let United have it all their own way in the closing stages, and they were almost handed the match in the 90th minute by an extraordinary decision by Mr Sutton. A cross came in from the Histon right, and as Gleeson and Danny Wright challenged for the ball, the home striker threw himself to the turf in one of the most blatant examples of diving seen outside of the Olympic swimming pool. Astonishingly, Mr Sutton pointed to the spot, but United agony soon turned to joy as Wright hit his spot kick too close to Pottsy, who stuck out a big left glove and pawed the ball away.

On such moments can seasons turn; had the penalty found the net, I would almost certainly now be reflecting on a most embarrassing of embarrassing defeats to our nine-man near neighbours, and knives would be out in some quarters for the Brabinator. Instead United surged up to the other end and scored a glorious late winner of their own. Tonkin fed Rendell, who slid the ball across to the far post where Willmott got in ahead of Naisbett to slide the ball into the net. 3-2.

Even if we had lost, this would certainly have been our best-ever performance at Bridge Road. United matched their hosts physically (even when it was 11 v 11) in a way which we never saw during the meek surrenders of the Quinn era, and played as much football as was humanly possible on the worst pitch in the Western hemisphere. The Brabinator has been the subject of a lot of unfavourable comparisons with his predecessor recently, so let’s hope he gets a bit of credit for this fantastic result.

A special note for the five Histon fans who stood in the car park goading United fans as they left the ground, untroubled by the of the nearby stewards and police, who for some reason chose to ignore them. Their behaviour was a bit pathetic, and not at all becoming of the family club (sic) they represent. But then of course we already know there's a big gap between image and reality where that particular notion is concerned.

Man of the Match: Ben Farrell – The ginger genius rarely put a foot wrong, and with Convery now out of the picture for a bit will hopefully cement his place in the starting line up.






Fashion statement of the match: Courtney’s tights – Not an especially fetching look for a bloke, but I suppose if they’re good enough for John Barnes then they’re good enough for our own wing wizard.