Don't panic, don't panic

It's ok everyone. Fear not that our squad is another player down, following Wolly's defection to Lee Power's Conference Allstars. Fear not that at present Ben Farrell only has his shiny new contract to keep him company in midfield. Fear not that our hopes for the new season may rest on the slender shoulders and brittle bones of Darren Quinton. Because our leader is back armed with a cunning plan:

"I've got one or two targets in mind, and I would like to reassure the fans that it's all going to plan and you'll see one or two new faces before the start of the season," said JQ, before adding that United are planning to resign from the Blue Square Premier and enter the national Wembley Doubles league. Suddenly our previously slimline squad of 14 players look positively bloated, and having seen this video of our likely opposition I reckon we're in with a good chance of challenging for promotion.

In all seriousness, it's good to hear from Jimmy, even if he isn't really telling us much. Aside from persisting with his 'emporers new clothes'-esque line of "We need to give the young players a chance" he assures us that Wayne Hatswell (or, as we should probably call him following his England captaincy duty, England's Brave Wayne Hatswell) definately isn't going anywhere. Happy news, if only it didn't come a couple of paragraphs after he said: "I've always had a policy as a manager that when there is an enquiry from another club I let the player know then it's down to them." So EBWH is definately staying, as long as another club doesn't come in for him, because then he might leave if he wants to. Great.