Deadline day shenanigans - Mark Cooper, Lisa Baldwin, Andy Parkinson, & Antonio Murray

"Nobody has given the bloke a chance since he was appointed 10 games ago and he has had to deal with one fiasco after another. I am of course unhappy that the results have not changed but at the same time I am not ready to throw the towel in as quick as others appear to be."

Anybody who read Darragh McAnthony's hilarious rant on the P*sh website last week would quickly deduce that the Irishman is not a happy man. But his decision to part company with Mark Cooper still represents a remarkable volte face after the above comments. The scummers are now looking for their third manager of the season, and we can only hope Cooper's departure is the catalyst for the return of Barry Fry to the managerial hotseat. Baz oversaw their last relegation from the Championship, so it seems only right that he should once more take the wheel of their rapidly sinking ship.

Not that we have much room to chuckle seeing as we now have Gareth Baldwin in our midst, a man for whom the truth has always been a fluid concept. Witness his denial in the CEN last week that his wife, Lisa, would be the new U's secretary: "But Baldwin denied speculation wife Lisa would reprise her role as Histon secretary at United following Wayne Purser's resignation - if he were to join the club. He said: 'People are putting two and two together and making 27. It's nothing I'm aware of and my understanding is the club are advertising the job."

So today's news that his spouse has been appointed as Wayne Purser's successor must've been a shock to Gareth. Better communication needed in the Baldwin house perhaps. I don't doubt that we've appointed a very capable individual, and probably the best candidate available, but the timing of this decision stinks like a block of vintage roquefort.

Anyway, in terms of player movement it's been quiet as a mouse at the Abbey, with rumours that Lingy was interested in Coventry's legendary keeper Steve Ogrizivic and disgraced Chelsea skipper John Terry proving to be spurilous. We have managed to ship out Andy Parkinson and replace him ex-Histon man Antonio(p) Murray, a deal which, if you believe certain posters on the CUFC messageboard, actually happened in the summer. Very strange that it's taken him so long to arrive, but at least he's here now I suppose.

I don't really have any strong opinions on Murray, other than that his head is a bit of a funny shape, but it's unlikely he can be worse than Parky, who must go down as one of the worst bits of business for CUFC since Ollie Morah (one for the teenagers there): "He [Parkinson] has conducted himself in an exemplary manner during his time here and we all wish him well for his future career" said Lingy, failing to specify what that career might entail. I can't see it involving football myself, but all the best to Parky, who would surely have been an asset to the club were it not for that horrific injury.

From what I've read it doesn't appear that Murray is an out-and-out winger, so his arrival probably signals an intention from Lingy to persist with 4-3-3 for the time being. With so many new players available, tomorrow night's game should be an interesting one.

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AOB: Fergie Jr not too Posh to get the push

Another day, another set of amusing stories emerging from our near neighbours.

Both P*sh and the villagers seem to have been reading The art of communication according to CUFC given their latest faux pas.

Gareth Baldwin has followed the lead of our dear ex-chairman Rolls, and decided to carry out all communication by text message, much to the chagrin of Tony Roach. It's not all bad news for Histon though, as the new chairman is confident their financial difficulties will soon be a thing of the past.

"I feel very optimistic that we can get through this period and I don't think we're going to have to sell loads and loads of our players," Roach told the CN, while trying to lasso a nearby flying pig. "Our aim is to have cleared all overdue debts by January." That's alright then, they'll be able to turn down those multi-million pound offers for Danny Wright which have no doubt been flooding in over the weekend.

P*sh meanwhile are following the other golden CUFC rule and not saying anything at all about the future of their manager Darren Ferguson, despite the fact that news of his departure is about as secret as Paris Hilton's bedroom preferences.

It's hard to feel sorry for convicted wife-beater Ferguson, and given the amount of cash he's spent I wouldn't go along with those who claim him to be one of the best up and coming managers in the game. But on the other hand, the poor bloke can hardly do more than win automatic promotion in consecutive seasons. The scummers haven't had a great start, but seeing as they have very few players with Championship experience in the squad this season was never going to be a walk in the park.

Still, if you accept the money of a millionaire on an ego trip I guess you have to live with the consequences. Hopefully Barry Fry will be named caretaker, I'm sure he can keep them ticking over at the bottom of the table for a few weeks.

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Blues:0 U's:1 - Conference football in 'being rubbish' shock

Listening to so many games on the radio recently has left me pondering another reason as to why we need to get out of this awful, awful, division as soon as possible.

Every away game recently seems to have taken place in a vacuum, with no sounds audible over the chat of the commentators, save for the occasional chant from the travelling United fans. Now I know the Abbey isn't exactly a seething cauldron of noise, despite us having the bestest, loudest fans in the world ever, but at least you know there will be a bit of noise when we score and stuff. Were it not for worried tone in Mark Johnson's voice, there would have been no way of telling when Danny Potter's goal was coming under threat during Tuesday's match at Grays.

It also highlights how few people have witnessed the recent quartet of away wins. A total of 5,132 hardy souls have attended our last four matches, with United probably providing at least a third of that amount. By way of contrast, there were 5,103 people at London Road on Tuesday night to watch Barry Fry's Peterborough overcome Carlisle. As much as it pains me to say it, it's hard not to be slightly jealous of P*sh while we're stuck down amongst the dregs.

Never mind though, at least the team are going the right way about staying in the promotion race, and are beginning to pick up wins in the same monotinous manner that characterised our form at this time last season. Based on the last couple of years, we'll need 78 - 81 points to make the play offs, which would involve winning six or seven of our remaing 13 games. Sounds do-able, doesn't it?

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The third coming of Rendell

Apparently today is "Blue Monday". That's the most miserable day of the year, not the New Order memorial day, if you were wondering.

It began as a blue Monday for Scott Rendell, but ended as a yellow and black one, and we all know that it's much better to be yellow and black than blue.

"This is well run club that likes to do things properly," said the Brabinator, presumably while supressing a smirk. "It's great that the board have pushed the boat out to back me and bring Scott Rendell back in."

I'm not so sure myself. Part of me thinks a well run club would just operate within it's budget and not push the boat out on one player, but there you go. At least no one, least of all the Brabinator, can accuse the directors of not putting their money where their mouth is if we don't get promoted.

And I don't think any United fan could say they're sad to have Rendell's proven goal-getting abilities back in the squad. It does pose our leader an interesting selection dilemma for Thursday's game; does he stick with the front three who performed so well in the last match, or does he restore the man who has seven goals in nine games?

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Rendell shambles

Anyone hear the sounds of gunshots in the Newmarket Road area earlier? Apparently it was our boards latest attempt to shoot themselves in the foot. Reports that they initially gave the gun to Danny Crow, whose shot missed the foot and instead hit a passing pigeon, have yet to be confirmed.

I'm finding the sheer ridiculousness of Scotty's return to the Scummers difficult to comprehend. First off I should say that there's no way we should be paying a potential £50,000 (plus his hefty wages) for a loan player, however good he is, so in that sense the board have done the right thing.

I can only hope that Fry has moved the goalposts at the last minute, but even if that is true, then why announce the deal before it's finalised? Given the wording of the statement, I'd be more inclined to think the board have agreed to the transfer, and announced the deal, before reading the small print and getting cold feet. If this is the case, then WHY ANNOUNCE THE DEAL BEFORE IT'S FINALISED? After all the various faux-pas' in the summer, I thought George Rolls was beginning to learn to think before he speaks in public, but it appears we will continue to lurch from one PR shambles to another under this current regime. It amazes me that they can make such a pigs ear out of seemingly elementary things like whether a transfer has happened or not, I'm really, really cross.

Never mind though, with the temperatures set to remain sub-zero for the rest of this week (I spoke to a weatherman yesterday so I know these things) I'd say the chances of Saturday's game being on are remote at best, meaning the Brabinator has an extra week to find a Rendell replacement. I'm sure he won't have any trouble, after all cheap yet prolific strikers are easy to come by, ho hum.

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Barry Bull$**t strikes again?

Times must be hard over at Bridge Road.

I visited my local Budgens tonight and was greeted by a mob of youths wearing Histon FC tracksuits, who were offering to pack your shopping in exchange for chucking a few coins into their buckets. I'm all for novel ways of boosting your kitty ahead of the opening of the transfer window, but employing children is taking things a step too far if you ask me.*

Anyway, onto our real rivals, and the latest episode in the battle of the bullshitters between Barry Fry and George Rolls. Sunday's NLP regurgitated a load of stuff we already knew Re: the phantom offer for Rendell, but there was one interesting quote in amongst the usual bluster from Fry:

"George made on offer of £100,000 which my chairman rubberstamped on Sunday," revealed everyones favourite chirpy cockney character. Funny that when, two weeks before, it was widely reported that P*sh had quoted a price of £120,000 to secure Scotty's services. If the required figure has already dropped £20,000 before the transfer window is even open, I'd advise that George returns at the end of January and makes an offer of 50p - he might have a bit more success.

*This is a joke. They were probably collecting for a worthwhile cause of charity. Or Gareth Baldwin's holiday fund.

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What Scotty did next

Oh, what you gonna do, Sco-tty? You're a sweet sweet, er, boy, and it's a cruel cruel (footballing) world, a cruel a cruel world.

Yes, it seems the future of our current goal-getter in chief, Scott Rendell, is about as clear as a particularly muddy section of Histon's pitch. Where he will be plying his trade post-January 1 depends on who exactly you wish to believe.

Personally I like the Brabinator's version of things: "The ball is rolling in terms of negotiations with Scott," squeaked our leader. "When January comes and it's D-Day we'll be fighting tooth and nail to keep him at the club. He desperately wants to stay, we're desperate to keep him, he's enjoying his football again".

It's not usually like George Rolls to put a dampener on things, but he told yesterday morning's Evening News that we weren't in a position to match the price tag the scummers have slapped on young Mr Rendell's head: "We're in talks with Barry and we're doing our utmost to try to keep Scott on loan, but I can't give our fans the false hope that we might be signing him permanently.

"We're not in a position where we're going to spend £60,000 to £70,000, even if we could get them down to that - we're in the Conference and we've got to be realistic." Cheer up George, it's nearly Christmas, you never know what you might get in your stocking.

Clouding the water further is fat Barry, who today announced that the deal is dead as a dodo: "George Rolls phoned me to talk about making Scott Rendell's move permanent and made an offer which my chairman accepted," he said.

"Then George came back to say they didn't want to buy him, they just wanted to extend the loan. My chairman does not like the mickey being taken out of him, so Rendell will come back to Peterborough.

"Rendell won't be staying on loan at Cambridge - that is a one billion percent certainty," he said. Someone should probably tell the fat fool that you can't have more than 100 per cent, but given his creative approach to transfer fees, wages, etc, it's probably a bit late to teach him basic maths.

Who's telling porkies then? Well both Fry and Rolls have shown in the past that they have a fairly liberal relationship with the truth, but I'm inclined to believe that Barry is the one who's lying in this instance. He has been touting Rendell about ever since Scotty first joined us on loan, so it's fairly obvious they want to get rid, and that they're most likely going to have to take a hit in terms of the fee: In the current financial climate is a League One or Two team really going to fork out 120k for a player who has yet to prove himself at league level? I doubt it, so Barry is just trying to drum up a bit of interest in the only way he knows how.

We'll have to wait and see whether it works or not, but I suspect P*sh will be more grateful of our overtures if a couple of weeks of the transfer window pass by without any decent bids coming in. Watch this space.

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Danny Crow - what do we know?

So the Crow has swooped/flown in/landed/other bird pun of choice. As I said yesterday, I’m not sure it’s an entirely necessary signing, but if we have the cash in the budget – and I’m sure we wouldn’t overspend, we never have before, ho hum – adding a quality player to the squad can’t be a bad thing.

A lot has been made of his bad attitude, mostly stemming from the now infamous Big Ron Manager documentary which P*sh took part in a few years back. But a glance at the Scum messageboard shows that opinion about our new signing is very much divided.

There’s the good:

“Good luck to him. The best natural finisher at the Club for years. Pity it has not worked out and obviously faults on BOTH sides.”

“Far more natural talent than Rendell or Hatch but its up to the manager to get players to perform. I know who I blame.”

The bad:

“I would say he had every chance, but he just seemed disinterested and lazy. I was keen for him to do well, and prove his critics wrong but ended up totally disillusioned with his lack of effort.”

“He was a workshy mofo who was good in his debut season, when he had something to prove. good riddance. shame we had to pay him to leave.”

And the indifferent:

“Crow never got a chance under DF, and i'm actually pretty gutted about that as he quite clearly has talent to go far (albeit his attitude somewhat overshadows that talent).”

Seems like a signing that could either way really. But on the positive side, Evil came with a reputation as a troublemaker and he’s done alright so far. If the Brabinator can keep all these strikers happy, we will surely have the best frontline in the division.

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