One of those days

It hasn't been a great Monday here at U's blog towers. First of all I came in this morning to find that one of the computer servers was emitting a high pitched beeping alarm. Our wonderful IT support team were unable to solve the problem - apparently the obvious (to me anyway) answer of pulling the plug wasn't an option - so I had to endure a four hour beeping nightmare.

Then I discover that the Brabinator has decided that the best way to solve our current goal-crisis is to loan out our top scorer. It doesn't take too much reading between the lines to realise that he's obviously not happy with Evil's attitude, and while he hasn't been scoring with regularity of late it seems a shame to let him go so soon after one of his best performances of the season. Hopefully one of the other strikers will step up to the plate (and looking at Evil it's probably a big plate, hoho), but it seems like a bit of a gamble to me.

And finally there was the unwelcome confirmation of our now annual FA Trophy trip to Bridge Road, where we will no doubt play spectacularly badly and be defeated in humiliating fashion by the villagers. Can't wait for that one.

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Borough:0 U's:3 & U's:0 Poppies:2

Like a blogging version of Tesco’s, I am today offering two match reports for the price of one.

Bank holiday weekend offered a brace of games of contrasting quality, and I’ll start by returning to happier times down on the south coast.

I actually think it would be a good idea if the Conference introduced a new rule decreeing that all away games be played in Eastbourne; what could be better than eating ice cream on the beach in the shadow of a good old fashioned pier, with the sun beating down on your face. You wouldn’t get that at Grays or Stafford, that’s for sure.

Inside the ground there was no segregation, a policy I suspect Eastbourne will review after a visit from some of the leagues more unsavoury sets of fans. But it was good fun (in a non-league kind of way) being able to wade in amongst their singing contingent, which comprised a handful of teenagers and a forlorn-looking drum and flag, the latter of which was captured during the half time interval by some cheeky U’s fans. Bless them.

Anyway, the first half was pretty one-sided, with United dominating proceedings, using the full width of the pitch to good effect. It was just the final ball that was lacking, with Jardim, Willmott, and Beesley all putting crosses in which failed to find waiting team mates.

But the result never looked in doubt once Evil had swept us into the lead with his fourth goal in as many games. Challinor worked the ball onto Beesley, who fed a perfect through pass into his strike partners feet. Big Lee took a couple of touches before guiding a low shot across the keeper into the far corner. 1-0.

Eastbourne vaguely resembled the St Albans side who spent a brief spell in the Conference a couple of years ago, knocking the ball around well but lacking any kind of defensive solidity. The second goal came moments before the break; A borough defender trod on the ball just inside his own half, and Evil pounced like a rampaging rhinoceros, surging forward and releasing Jardim. It looked as though the winger had held onto possession for too long, but in fact he timed his pass to perfection, squaring the ball to Ben Farrell, who lashed home from outside the box. 2-0.

The second half was fairly dull by comparison, with Eastbourne seeing more of the ball but doing little of note with it. Danny Potter provided us with a brief moment of excitement when he picked up a Hatswell back pass, but the resulting free kick from inside the area was blocked and cleared by the massed United ranks.

There was time for Chris Holroyd to mark a lively substitute appearance with a debut goal. Again it stemmed from an Eastbourne error which capitalised on by Beesley. His pass put Holroyd in the clear, and he beat Lee Hook with a stylish lofted finish. 3-0, job done.

Man of the Match: Lee McEvilly – At his unplayable best, and capped a good performance with a well-taken goal.







Bank holiday Monday saw Kettering arrive at the Abbey, along with a familiar face from our almost-glorious past; the dulcet tones, receding hairline, and constant mentions of Shrewsbury could only mean that Jimmy Quinn was back, making good on his pre-season promise to offer his punditary skills to Setanta.

After getting comfortable in the home dug out, shaking hands and chatting with the substitutes, JQ beat a hasty retreat pre-kick off, and spent the match watching from the Habbin. Given our lifeless performance, I can only imagine he was infiltrating the players brains, jedi-style, and encouraging them to play aimless long balls in the direction of Evil. Needless to say, the giant Poppies centre backs, Guy Branston and the brilliantly named Exodus Geohaghan, gobbled them up with ease.

Mark Cooper’s side won’t win many style points this season, but the former Tamworth manager had obviously done his homework, and his team worked hard to cut the supply to U’s wide men Jardim and debut-making Chris Jones. They were also a threat going forward, and Gareth Seddon had the best chance of a dull first half when he was denied at close range by Wayne Hatswell.

Five minutes after half time they took the lead, when former United frontman Craig Westcarr sent in a Wolleaston-esque cross/shot which eluded Danny Potter and flew in at the far post.

United had some work to do now, and Phil Bolland reacted well to a Jardim free kick, but shot straight at Lee Harper when well placed.

Any chance we had of getting back into the match evaporated in the 68th minute. Farrell raced after a loose ball, but arrived slightly late and stamped on Westcarr’s foot. The goalscorer went down in mock-agony, and referee Creighton, whose approach to card-issuing throughout the match was as erratic as a dyslexic postman at Christmas, gave the ginger-balled midfielder his marching orders. I’m not surprised the club are appealing what was a shocking decision, and I hope they are successful, not least because the only available alternative may be Darren Quinton, ho hum.

Anyway, with a man advantage the Poppies poured forward, and Chris Beardsley put the result beyond doubt when he finished from close range after fellow sub JP Marna’s fine run and cross.

Kettering deserved the three points, and it was a worrying performance from United, who never got to grips with the visitors physical approach. It is clear from the opening four matches that we can play football as well as the best of them at this level, but without a hard edge to go with it our spell at the top of the table will be as shortlived as Craig Pope’s retirement.

Man of the Match: Wayne Hatswell – no one really stood out, but for the most part 'Hats' kept his head while those around him were losing theirs.







Mutton-dressed-as-lamb of the Match: Setanta’s latest blonde bimbo reporter, who could do with a visit from Trinny and Susannah judging by the bizarre outfit she was wearing.

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U's:2 Kiddy:1

I may have mentioned before that, much to my chagrin, my better half is a lot better at predicting football matches than me. So last nights result should have come as no surprise given that she told me earlier in the week that "we're going to beat them 2-0 or 2-1, this hoodoo thing is a load of rubbish."

To be fair the record never looked likely to survive another 90 minutes, as United were good value for this win and dominated proceedings throughout against a hardworking but limited visiting side.

The early stages saw the visitors enjoy a prolonged spell of possession, with little Darryl Knights pulling the strings from his position 'in the hole'.

Despite this it was Felino Jardim who registered the first shot on target, cutting in from the left in the seventh minute but seeing a tame shot easily saved by Adam Bartlett.

It was clear from the off that the Brabinator had done his homework, and intended to utilise the pace of Jardim and Robbie Willmott, in for the injured Andy Parkinson, as often as possible, with the wingers pushing high up the pitch to exploit the space left by Harriers narrow 4-3-3 formation.

And after weathering the early storm United began to create chances at regular intervals. Bartlett flapped at a cross under pressure from Lee McEvilly but Wilmott and Jardim between them were unable to force the ball home. Then some delightful skill from Willmott led to a corner which saw the England C stopper make a good save from McEvilly’s header.

It was no surprise when United hit the front in the 27th minute. Jon Challinor picked up a loose ball on the edge of the box and played a perfectly weighted reverse pass to Beesley. His angled shot was parried by Bartlett, leaving McEvilly with the simple task and slotting home the rebound.

Kidderminster came close to an immediate equaliser when Andy Ferrell’s shot deflected off the heels of Phil Bolland, presenting a good chance to Simon Russell, but Danny Potter was out quickly to save at his feet. For the most part the visitors were unable to penetrate United’s backline, as the supply to Knights and the other front men dried up and Hatswell and Bolland easily mopped up a string of high balls.

But you always felt a second goal was needed to be certain, and it duly arrived in the 60th minute. Again the busy Challinor was the instigator, releasing Jardim, whose superb cross left the unmarked McEvilly with the simple task of nodding the ball in from close range.

Just before this referee Halliday, whose interesting interpretation of the advantage rule disrupted the match at regular intervals, turned down a fairly clear cut looking penalty when Luke Jones appeared to handle Jardim’s cross. He then incensed the home crowd further by booking Challinor for time wasting as he wound up for a long throw, then showing a yellow card to Jardim for a sliding challenge on Bowler where the winger appeared to play the ball. The sad thing is we'll probably see officials a lot worse than him before the season's out.

The visitors continued to huff and puff, and although Justin Richards provided a willing, ungamely, fulcrum for their attacking play, they struggled to turn possession into chances, and Andy Ferrell summed up his sides night by firing a shot from the edge of the box high into the south stand.

Beesley headed a Tonkin cross narrowly wide before Kiddy pulled a goal back at the death. Following a corner, the ball ran to David McDermott, who trundled a shot across the box which Richards turned in from close range. But it came too late to deny United a landmark victory. Hoodoo smoodoo, I never did believe any of that superstitious nonsense.


Man of the Match: Felino Jardim - The Dutchman makes the game look so easy, and the cross for Evil's second goal was sublime.

Pointless new ritual of the Match: The Champions League-esque pre-match handshakes. Whoever thought this up clearly has too much time on their hands.

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