Chester:2 U's:4 - Goals glorious goals

I take it everyone has viewed Chrissy Holroyd's spectacular second in our 4-2 win at Chester on Saturday. Even if you've already seen it, watch it again, because it's pretty damn sexy.

I wasn't at the game so don't have too many comments to make, other than that I won't be getting too excited about our early season form just yet. We've seen off two fairly shambolic teams in the last couple of games, and our match tomorrow night against Steve Evans’ Crawley Town will give us a more realistic picture of where we’re at.

So in the absence of any match analysis, and in honour of Super Chris’s wonder strike, here are the best five United goals I’ve witnessed live. When I say best I’m talking in terms of individual technique and/or team play, rather than importance.

5: Trevor Benjamin v Brighton (A). March 21 1998. Poor old Trev, now reduced to trekking around godforsaken non-league outposts such as Tamworth to get a game. He’s capable of so much better, as he showed with this goal. Taking the ball on his chest just outside the area, he span and volleyed past the unsighted keeper. Sadly I don’t think any footage of it exists, but trust me, it was a thing of great beauty.

4: Mark Beesley v Rushden and Diamonds (A). April 8 2008. An awesome team goal started by Courtney Pitt on the edge of his own box. He ran practically the entire length of the pitch before offloading to Boylan, who in turn helped it on to Wolleaston. His superb first time pass put Beesley in, and the ex-Forest Green man finished with aplomb, chipping the ball across the keeper into the far corner. Cue a massive mental in the United end.

3: Tes Bramble v Wycombe (H). March 19 2005. There wasn’t much to remember about the relegation season of 2004/05, but young Tesfaye’s goal would have graced any game anywhere in the world.

2: Dan Chillingworth v Brentford (H). December 26 2001. The goal which probably formed the highpoint of Chilli’s United career. During most of his apperances he seemed incapable of doing more than one thing (ie moving and controlling a football) at once, yet for this goal he someone managed to combine all the attributes of a top striker, culminating in a great finish on the run to secure a boxing day triumph for John Taylor’s team.

1: Alex Russell v Port Vale (H). September 12 2000. Has there ever been a better week to be a United fan? Probably, but it didn’t feel like it at the time. After a 6-1 win over Rotherham on the Saturday, Roy Mac’s men demolished Port Vale 4-0 on the Tuesday, with Russell’s goal the pick of the ten. Following a Vale corner, Perez bowled the ball out to McAnespie, whose pinpoint crossfield pass found Russell rampaging down the left. Cutting in from the flank, he curled a beauty from outside the box over the keeper and into the far corner. It doesn’t seem to be on YouTube, but I have it on video somewhere for posterity.

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A true Frankenstein footballer

Anyone seen the article on the BBC website about Football's Frankenstein? Some bloke is apparently taking the best bits from the worlds top footballers and training himself to immitate them using some kind of brain programming. When he's finished he seems to think he'll be the ultimate footballer.

Sounds like a load of old crap to me, but it did get me thinking about who you could combine to get the worlds worst footballer. Imagine a combination of the "skills" of these ex-United players - it trully would be a Frankensteins monster:

Brain: Stephen Reed - Despite being solid if unspectacular on the pitch, Reedy was clearly not the sharpest tool in the box, as demonstrated when he signed a new contract this summer, then apparently marched into the managers office two weeks later to demand, er, a new contract.

Movement: Dan Chillingworth - Even though he scored one of the best goals ever at the Abbey, for most of his career Chilli was about as mobile as that sculpture outside the Grand Arcade.

Turning: Danny Webb - Has there ever been a more anemic front line in United history than Webb and Chillingworth? The former had the turning circle of a battleship, and probably the best thing he ever did in United colours was smacking Luke Guttridge in the face (something I'm sure we'd all do given half a chance).

Finishing: Martin Carruthers - Hailed as the man to save our 04/05 season by Steve Thompson, a statement which should disqualify the fat-ankled one from ever working in football again. An open goal miss in the crucial game against Kidderminster was a particular lowlight of Carruthers undistinguished spell in black and amber.

Strength: John Turner - United fans must have spent two or three years waiting for JT to bulk out a bit. I imagine our counterparts at Kings Lynn are still waiting.

Explosiveness: Ashley Nicholls - I'm not entirely sure how you quantify explosiveness, but I just wanted an excuse to add Nicholls to this list because he's a pie-eating t*****.

Balance: Kingsley Mbome - I have no idea how Kingsley managed to spend time on the books of both Sheffield United and Celtic, considering his legs appeared to be screwed on the wrong way round.

Dribbling: Trevor Robinson - There are some seriously inept footballers in this list, but not-so tricky Trev was the worst, despite (or perhaps because of) looking just like Gus from Eastenders.

Heading: Leo Fortune-West - The term 50-pence-head could've been coined for the Lemu, who somehow appeared to be smaller when jumping than he was in a static standing position

Tricks: Parys Okai - How many defenders quaked in their boots when young Parys charged at them, stopped, did a few slow-motion step overs, then carried on. I'd be willing to be it wasn't many.

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