New players a-go-go; Kevin Roberts and Callum Willock sign in

With ten weeks or so of the season to go, Lingy's project to remodel the Abbey from a mock-Tudor scouse mansion into a cheaper but much classier east end flat continues apace.

*Bish* Into the skip goes that manky old Parky chest of drawers that's been repaired too many times for it to function properly.

*Bosh* And there goes the antique Hatswell sofa which used to be a favourite but is now getting worn around the edges and has seen better days.

*Clunk* and out the window flies the pointless Challinor hatstand which nobody will own up to buying because they're too embarrassed.

In their place have come a host of new items, mostly second hand, but many of which have so far proved to be much more functional (and in some cases better looking) than the furniture they replaced. Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen would be proud of the Linguist's work, and not a chunk of MDF in sight.

The latest new arrivals were delivered yesterday, in the form of Chester's highly rated utility man Kevin Roberts and Crawley's unwanted journeyman striker Callum Willock. I can't furnish you with too much information about Roberts, other than to say that a glance at the Deva Chat messageboard reveals he is one of the few players in their dwindling squad that they are sad to see the back off, with some posters speculating that he could eventually follow in the foot steps of Chris Holroyd and make the step up to League One.

Willock has never particularly impressed me when playing for other teams, and the fact that I can't find even one of his goals on youtube doesn't bode well. But hopefully he'll provide us with some physical presence in the final third, and as he's non-contract we can get rid if he turns out to be pants.

And with the arrival of two more players, one wonders whether more of the old fixtures and fittings will be forcibly removed in the coming days. Jim Harvey is back in football at Stalybridge Celtic in the Conference North, so perhaps he will take his love child Mark Beesley off our hands at least temporarily. And seeing as now have plenty of options in midfield you have to wonder whether Jai Reason would be available if the right offer came in. Certainly I would be willing to bet we haven't seen the last of the Lingy's squad renovations for this season.

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New year stuff

Happy new year folks. My journey back through the channel tunnel seems to have transported me to a bizarre parallel universe where League One Leeds are capable of beating Man United, the BBC deem it appropriate to make the awful Colin Murray the new face of the BDO world darts championships, and Histon think they can nick three of our senior players.

Perhaps Tony Roach has made it his new year's resolution to troll United as much as possible in 2010. Not content with declaring that the Villagers are the "biggest club in Cambridge" (anyone see the slight flaw in that? Unless Histon and Impington has jumped across the A14 in my absence that is) today Stutes acting manager Uncle Fester revealed he is interested in signing up Gleeson, Willmott, and Beesley: "I’ve always been a big admirer of Beesley, Gleeson and Willmott, I’ve spoken to a director at Cambridge and made my interest known to him," he said, before adding that he had put in a call to Sir Alex to enquire about Wayne Rooney's availability, and was looking at Stephen Gerrard as a potential replacement for Josh Simpson.

If this wasn't such a transparent PR stunt I would be quite happy at the prospect of someone taking Beesley and Willmott off our hands. Still, it's good to know that the Roach magic wand has done it's work on the Villagers precarious finances, to the extent that they can now put in bids for full time players and expand their stadium's capacity to 5,200 (average attendance so far this season; 973). Obviously there's nothing to worry about at the Glassworld.

Sadly Lingy must have plenty on his mind after our 4-1 defeat at Stevenage, not least that we could go into our Trophy game against Eastbourne next week with a backline comprised entirely of players yet to hit puberty. With Saah and Hatswell suspended, and Tonks on his way to Oxford, a totally CRC-spawned defence of McAuley - Coulson - Hudson - Coakley looks a distinct possibility, acne-tastic!

However, perhaps the freezing weather will come to our aid and the game will be postponed; it's bad times when the Trophy is all you've got to play for, but it has to be our priority now, and I would rather the senior players missed a league game than this, gulp, important cup tie.

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Chester:2 U's:4 - Goals glorious goals

I take it everyone has viewed Chrissy Holroyd's spectacular second in our 4-2 win at Chester on Saturday. Even if you've already seen it, watch it again, because it's pretty damn sexy.

I wasn't at the game so don't have too many comments to make, other than that I won't be getting too excited about our early season form just yet. We've seen off two fairly shambolic teams in the last couple of games, and our match tomorrow night against Steve Evans’ Crawley Town will give us a more realistic picture of where we’re at.

So in the absence of any match analysis, and in honour of Super Chris’s wonder strike, here are the best five United goals I’ve witnessed live. When I say best I’m talking in terms of individual technique and/or team play, rather than importance.

5: Trevor Benjamin v Brighton (A). March 21 1998. Poor old Trev, now reduced to trekking around godforsaken non-league outposts such as Tamworth to get a game. He’s capable of so much better, as he showed with this goal. Taking the ball on his chest just outside the area, he span and volleyed past the unsighted keeper. Sadly I don’t think any footage of it exists, but trust me, it was a thing of great beauty.

4: Mark Beesley v Rushden and Diamonds (A). April 8 2008. An awesome team goal started by Courtney Pitt on the edge of his own box. He ran practically the entire length of the pitch before offloading to Boylan, who in turn helped it on to Wolleaston. His superb first time pass put Beesley in, and the ex-Forest Green man finished with aplomb, chipping the ball across the keeper into the far corner. Cue a massive mental in the United end.

3: Tes Bramble v Wycombe (H). March 19 2005. There wasn’t much to remember about the relegation season of 2004/05, but young Tesfaye’s goal would have graced any game anywhere in the world.

2: Dan Chillingworth v Brentford (H). December 26 2001. The goal which probably formed the highpoint of Chilli’s United career. During most of his apperances he seemed incapable of doing more than one thing (ie moving and controlling a football) at once, yet for this goal he someone managed to combine all the attributes of a top striker, culminating in a great finish on the run to secure a boxing day triumph for John Taylor’s team.

1: Alex Russell v Port Vale (H). September 12 2000. Has there ever been a better week to be a United fan? Probably, but it didn’t feel like it at the time. After a 6-1 win over Rotherham on the Saturday, Roy Mac’s men demolished Port Vale 4-0 on the Tuesday, with Russell’s goal the pick of the ten. Following a Vale corner, Perez bowled the ball out to McAnespie, whose pinpoint crossfield pass found Russell rampaging down the left. Cutting in from the flank, he curled a beauty from outside the box over the keeper and into the far corner. It doesn’t seem to be on YouTube, but I have it on video somewhere for posterity.

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Burton, Butler, and Beesley

It's funny how some names resonate with footballing ineptitude, while others are only associated with the highest quality.

Has anyone decent ever played for United with the surname Robinson? On the basis of the most recent candidates, Marvin and Trevor, you would have to say not. There was also Dave Robinson, a woeful Geordie striker who had a few games for us in the dark days of the mid-90's and, er, I can't think of anymore. If you can remember any Robbo's that buck the trend, then let me know.

By contrast, if you turn up at the Abbey sporting the last name Butler then you've got more than half a chance of a decent Cambridge career. I'm too young to remember Peter Butler, but anyone who can go on to manage those giants of the Malaysian Premier League, Kentalan FA, must've had something about him as a player. Then there was Sir Steve Butler, and more latterly Martin Butler, who will be back tomorrow leading the line for Roy McFarland's Burton Albion.

Butler (M) remains one of my favourite ever United players, and the memories of him, Shaggy, and Trevor Benjamin tearing up Division Three defences are some of the best I have of my time as a United fan. But it is worth remembering that in his first season with the club he struggled, both with finding form and getting over a string of injuries.

I say this because a lot of people have been getting on Mark Beesley's back lately. Admitedly Bees, whose season is probably now over following hip surgery, has been a bit pants recently. But he is clearly a classy player, as he has shown in flashes during his United career thus far, and I hope our supporters will be patient when he returns to the fray. Players are not always instant hits when they join a club, and I think someone of his obvious talent is worth perservering with for a bit longer.

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City:1 U's:1

No pre-season is complete without a trip to Milton Road, a stadium which for some reason has been judged unsuitable for the Blue Square South, meaning our neighbours will ply their trade in the Southern League next year. A bizarre decision to say the least when one considers that the likes of Stafford, Canvey, and Histon have been allowed to compete in the Blue Square Premier, but anyway.

This match had a much more proper feel about it than Saturday’s sleepy sojourn to Norfolk. Perhaps it was merely because there was some semblance of atmosphere, with both sets of fans in good voice, happy to direct abuse at our village dwelling chums.

It also helped that the Brabinator fielded what, give or take a centre half, is probably our strongest team, with Hatswell, Pitt, and Farrell coming into the starting line up for Hoyte, Convery, and Reed. Again it was apparent that United are going to try and be more Arsenal than Bolton this season, with Beesley and Parkinson in particular linking up well with some swift interchanges.

One such move saw Parky slalom into the area and have a shot blocked by a diving defender, while Hatswell and Matt Halliday saw headers comfortably saved by City’s new keeper Richard Willmott.

But somewhat against the run of play it was the hosts who took the lead through the finally tuned goalscoring machine that is Michael Gash. It looked as though Roberts was fouling Hatswell as he flicked the ball through to Gashy, who took one touch before hammering a half volley past Potter.

Beesley forced the ball in from close range for the equaliser after Halliday had headed the ball back into the goalmouth. The young defender put in another good-not-great performance, and one has to wonder whether we can do better in the centre back arena.

The same can be said of Ramon Calliste, who appeared in the second half and was far better than in Saturday’s game, showing some neat touches and going on one decent run which unfortunately ended with him slipping over and shooting wide. I’d like to see him given a run with the ‘first’ team rather than all the subs, but again I suspect we can do better.

The highlight of a mediocre second half was the introduction of an unknown trialist, subsequently identified as Dutch winger Filino Jardin. I prefer it when trialists are unexpected – it lets you imagine they are a young star wrongly discarded by Barcelona rather than some journeyman who couldn’t get a game at Bognor Regis.

By that I’m not saying that little Filino couldn’t get a game at Bognor Regis. In fact he was quite useful in patches, though I don’t really think we need another right winger with Parky, Bussens and Willmott in the squad. Robbie had the best chance of the second half, with a header from a Pitt cross that drew a good save from his namesake Richard.

So yeah, more good football, which was pleasing, and although we did only score one goal, I’m sure our clinical-ness in front of goal will improve between now and the start of the season. Maybe.

Man of the Match: Mark Beesley – Bees was all over the place in the first half, and showed his strikers instinct to get in where it could’ve hurt and poach the equaliser.

(very)Minor celebrity sighting of the Match: Wantaway P*sh striker and part-time Buster Rhymes impersonator Aaron Maclean was hanging around outside the main stand at half time. Checking up on his potential new employers perhaps?

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