So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye

So far 2010 has been quite a year for endings. Labour left Downing Street after 13 years, Jack Bauer tortured his last terrorist of indeterminate Arab origin in the final series of 24, and Courtney Pitt bade the Abbey Stadium a fond farewell after five glorious years.

And now it is the turn of U's Blog to say adieu. I started this blog mainly because I enjoy writing about United, but also to give me some sports-writing experience in anticipation of getting a sport-related job in the future. It's paid off, though not quite in the way I expected, and as of this week I have started a new role as Sports Editor for Cambridge First. So if you live in the Cambridge area you'll still be able to read my ramblings, albeit in a more concise format with less lame attempts at humour.

Writing this blog has generally been ace, and I think the last three seasons have summed up life as a CUFC fan - and probably as a football fan in general - pretty well; fleeting moments of hope followed by ultimate crushing disappointment and bitterness. Hopefully that will all change this coming season, and I certainly believe we have the right man in place to do it - Lingy always gives the impression he knows what he's doing, which is a stark contrast to some of his predecessors, and the squad he has assembled should give us a fighting chance of a top-five finish.

So yeah, anyway, thanks to everyone who has read and/or contributed over the past three years, and I hope to make a return to blogging one day if circumstances allow. But for now it's cheerio, cheerio, cheerio.

MG
14/07/2010

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Players we love to hate

One of the best things about being a football fan is that it's quite acceptable to be a brazen hypocrite.

I'm sure there are loads of people out who, like me, spend most of their lives wishing misfortune to befall the majority of the England squad. But come the World Cup we put our differences aside in the hope that they might bring glory to the nation, only to start hating the over-hyped scumbags again when they inevitably get knocked out in the early stages.

Similar rules apply at club level; you can hate a player who repeatedly wrongs your team throughout his career, only to forget his long list of misdemeanors when he dons your club's colours. We haven't signed one of these since the days of big Lemu Fortune-West, so it's quite funny that Lingy has picked up two in the space of a week: Long-haired playmaker Adam Miller and everyone's favourite camera licking flat track bully Daryl Clare.

Miller always struck me as a narky, if talented, sort in his Stevenage days, and I've never really forgiven him for his snarling celebration when he netted a penalty against us at their place in 2007. Clare's crime-sheet mainly consists of regular goals scored against us and a reluctance to stay on his feet for any longer than is necessary, but you can't really sniff at his goalscoring record, which has remained consistently good despite his advancing years and regular changes of employer.

There's no doubting that both are talented additions to an already solid squad. In fact I'd have to say this is probably the strongest, most well balanced, group of players we've had since relegation: There's a good mix of youth and experience and brains and brawn, and no one area of the pitch where we look particularly short of cover. Of course plenty can, and probably will, go wrong between now and the start of the season, but I'm beginning to get genuinely excited about our prospects. Who needs the World Cup anyway?

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This, that, and the other

(Pic (c) The Guardian)

Watching England labour to an uninspiring 0-0 draw with Algeria reminded me of the frustration I often feel when playing FIFA 09 on the Wii.

When the player I'm controlling in the game moves forward, he usually has no options on because his team-mates are standing, static and dis-interested, right next to an opponent. This kind of behaviour is perhaps excusable from the pixelated characters of a video game, but less so from England's mighty heroes, who are supposedly capable of bringing the World Cup home, but on recent evidence would struggle to win the Setanta Shield.

Plenty has already been written about the Algeria match, which in terms of entertainment and quality ranked alongside the United v Chester game last season as one of the worst 90 minutes of football I've ever seen, so I won't say too much more, except that it brought to mind a quote from Pete Davies in his excellent book on Italia 90, All Played Out. Following England's draw with Ireland in that tournament, Davies remarked that, while the rest of the world were trying to put on a show, the teams from the British Isles were "stinking the place out" with their terrible football. Twenty years on it seems little has changed - we still stink.

Back home, Lingy is back from his holidays, and as you will have seen, has completed the signing of Forest Green's Conal Platt. I'm not going to pretend to know anything about him, but on the surface he would appear to be a good signing; experienced enough to know what the Conference is all about, but young enough to improve as we progress. But as a left-winger with the initials CP, he has a hard act to follow, and I hope he is up to the challenge of filling Courtney's giant shorts. Not literally of course, that would be impossible.

Over in the village of the damned, JB is licking his wounds after being gazumped by the mighty, er, Halesowen in his quest to bring in a new centre back. He has apparently now turned his attentions to players from France in a bid to unearth the new Armand One.

"Using my contacts and managerial know-how, I jumped on a plane and went and saw some players at a showcase in Paris. A couple looked like they might be able to do a job for Histon Football Club, so we're looking at the logistics of bringing them over and having another look at them," he told the CEN. Sounds like a winner to me, anyone got Kingsley Mbome's number?

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AOB: Brave Lions of Ing-er-land 1 - 1 US Soccerball Kickers

I hope you're pleased with yourself Adrian Chiles.

Sure, £1million+ (allegedly) is quite a decent yearly salary for a rotund journo who occasionally sports questionable facial hair, especially when all he has to do to earn it is sit on a sofa and make small talk with Kevin Keegan.

But is any amount of money enough to work for ITV, an organisation so incompetent that they managed to play an advert at the exact moment England's brave Stevie G was slotting home the opening goal in last night's game with the USA? What price your journalistic - and broadcasting - integrity, eh Adrian? Chiles profusely apologised for the blunder during the half time break, but he might as well have been apologising for the existence of his employers, who should never be allowed to broadcast a sporting event again. Ever.

Anyway, England's 1-1 draw with America would have been painful viewing had been shown on BBC, CNN, or Al Jazeera. Not because we played particularly badly in my opinion, but because the result was so predictable. England never know what to do when they take the lead - we've seen it time and time again in tournaments over the last few years; they start faffing about, gifting the ball back to the opposition, or lumping it long in the direction of the big man up front, and before long disappointment ensues.

If the equaliser was predictable, the manner of it was less so. Nevertheless, I would stick with Green for the Algeria match, if for no other reason than neither of the replacements are a sure thing; Hart is completely untested, and James is over-the-hill and error-prone. Capello thought Green was the best option yesterday, and I would hope he has enough courage in his convictions not to change his mind after one (admitedly costly) gaffe.

After half time I thought we were much improved, and should have gone on to win the match. We kept the ball reasonably well against awkward opposition, and created plenty of chances. Heskey, Gerrard, and Johnson were the pick of the white-shirted bunch, and again I hope the manager sticks with Mr Em, who did a good job of linking play and was certainly more impressive for much of the game than Rooney.

It wasn't perfect by any means; Lampard was annonymous, the centre-backs look like a disaster waiting to happen, and the usually peerless Capello made two left sided errors, selecting Milner then SWP when Joe Cole should have joined the fray. But with two games against less capable opposition to come, England showed enough for me to remain confident we will top the group. What happens beyond that remains to be seen.

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Where there's a Will(mott) there's a way?

I usually find it difficult to muster up any sympathy for Rio Ferdinand, but even I feel a little bit for the England skipper, whose dream of leading the nation to quarter final defeat in the World Cup has been wrecked by injury.

Still, with no football to worry about perhaps the Man United defender can resurrect Rio's World Cup wind ups, the prank show filmed during the 2006 finals which involved such hilarious japes as, er, pretending to kidnap David Beckham. Every cloud, eh Rio.

Another player dogged by injury recently is Robbie Willmott, but the U's winger is now back to full fitness and gave a very frank interview to BBC Cambs last week admitting that he needs to up his game.

"[Last year] I let my standards drop and it wasn't the best season for myself," he said. "A few people were getting on my back, the injury was a bit of a blessing because it meant I could evaluate everything again."

It's good to hear such reflective talk from Robbie, and it's perhaps a sign of growing maturity in a player who spent most of last term looking grumpy and disinterested. But the proof of the pudding will be whether he can back up his words with action on the pitch. I remember last season he did an interview in the programme where he admitted he needed to play better, and that he switches off sometimes during matches, and there wasn't any discernible difference in his performances after that.

For me this will be a make or break season for Willmott. When he's on his game he's an exciting player, but I still harbour serious doubts as to whether he has the footballing intelligence to make the most of his gifts. Too often his decision making is poor, and it doesn't seem to have improved over two seasons of first team football. We all saw the difference that the far more dynamic Scott Neilson made when he came into the side last season, and Willmott could do with taking a leaf out of his book if he wants his career to progress to the next level.

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AOB: Warning, may contain traces of England-related optimism

There's nothing like listening to talkSPORT to boost your world cup fever. Except perhaps reading the Sun, or watching Sky Sports News, who have no doubt been covering the England squad's flight to South Africa in painstaking, high definition, detail. Multiple-camera-angles-of-blokes-getting-onto-an-aircraft ahoy.

Anyway, whatever your tabloid media of choice, it's hard not to get caught up in the hysteria currently being generated around the World Cup. The press went into overdrive yesterday when Fabio Capello named his squad for the tournament, with names leaking into the public domain via Twitter like a tap with a worn-out washer.

As is often the case, in my opinion it was a lot of fuss about nothing, because Capello's selection of squad players is completely irrelevant. I didn't agree with all his decisions - I would've taken Walcott and Parker, and would have left Wright-Phillips and Carrick behind for example - but either way it's unlikely to make much difference. Is there much to choose between Wright-Phillips, Lennon, and Walcott? Not really, they've all had decent games and shocking games for England, so you wouldn't want to rely on any of them to be the difference between winning and losing the trophy.

For me it boils down to this; As usual, England can win the World Cup, but as usual they probably won't. For us to win it, we need everything to go right, and that means all our big players staying injury free and in form. There's no point Lennon playing a blinder if Rooney gets sent off, or Gerrard goes missing, or Ferdinand and Terry doze off and make some kind of catastrophic elementary error. I know it's a team game and all that, but with the squad players being much of a muchness, I don't think the selection posers that Fabio faces will be make or break.

But as I say, I think we can win it. It's not always the best team that goes to the final - look at France in 2006, or Germany in 2002. You just need to get on a run, and have a bit of fortune with the draw, referees, etc. I don't think we have a Zidane or Ballack figure to inspire us on the pitch, but we possibly have one in the dug-out. Now, where did I put my St George's flag?

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Hoooooooooooooof

I'm surely not the only one who often has Mika popping into their head when they think of Brian Saah.

The thought process usually goes something like this; Brian Saah >>> full name Big Brian Saah >>> or just Big Brian >>> is beautiful >>> I start humming the Mika hit Big Girl (you are Beautiful).

Now that the former Leyton Orient man has penned a new two-year contract, I reckon Big Brian, you are beautiful could be a new terrace anthem. Make it happen Newmarket Road End, make it happen.

Anyway, it's happy, and perhaps surprising, news that Big Brian will be donning the amber and black next year. Of the three out-of-contracters, I think that in a way his would have been most damaging departure. Although it's probably more difficult to replace a 20-goal striker like the Crow, who today completed his transfer to Luton (hiiiiisssssss), Saah is a Ling man, so if he had left us it wouldn't have said very much about our promotion chances next year, or about our manager's ability to attract the players he wants.

The football being played at the Glassworld Stadium is likely to be considerably less beautiful than our number five now that John Beck is back at the helm.

"I don't think there's another manager in the country that can do this job and offer what Histon needs," said a typically bullish Beck, after signing a two-year contract at the Glassworld.

In a way he's right: there probably aren't many managers more suited to taking the bunch of young, inexperienced, players the Villagers are likely to end up with next year and turning them into an ultra-fit, well-disciplined, football machine. However, after his last, disastrous, spell at the helm of United, it remains to be seen whether he can be successful without the steadying hand of Steve Y'Know to keep him in check and stop him from going too mental. Should make for interesting viewing either way.

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AOB: Naming, shaming, and blaming

Happy news, we're never going to have to play Stevenage Borough again.

Unfortunately this isn't because they've ceased to exist, or suffered relegation to the Herts Senior League, but because the clever bods in the Lamex Stadium boardroom have decided to remove the Borough from their name.

“Looking to the future, the directors do not believe the connotation of the word Borough in the name should be carried into the Football League," said Borough Stevenage chairman Phil Wallace. "It’s served us well as a non-league club in the climb up the non-league pyramid and we shall always be ‘The Boro’ in recognition of our roots, but now it’s time to look to the future."

Personally I think nothing screams Non-League quite like changing your name (see Ebbsfleet and Fleetwood) and if they really do want to improve their image I would suggest more radical action. Like removing the "Stevenage" part of their title. And moving to a nicer part of Hertfordshire. And sacking Graham Westley. And getting some new fans. Actually, thinking about it, losing the Borough bit is probably a lot easier.

Some who - effortless segue alert - probably wouldn't mind changing his name this week is Lord Triesman, who has resigned his position at the FA and with the World Cup 2018 bid team after he was caught on tape making some serious allegations about rival bids to a female associate. As football administrators go, Triesman always struck me as being a fairly decent chap. He was prepared to voice his concern on Premier League debt (a subject on which, given the Portsmouth situation, he turned out to be correct) and seemed to have a good understanding of what was going on at grassroots level.

Triesman was a bit of a birk to go blabbing to the first young woman who batted her eyelids in his direction, but I lay the blame for his departure firmly at the feet of the Daily Mail. In my opinion the Mail can be found at the root of many of the world's problems, but one thing I wouldn't usually accuse them of being is unpatriotic. But in this case they have published a story which may have done fatal damage to England's world cup bid, an event which could have really galvanised the people of "broken Britain". They really are a despicable publication, and fair play to Gary Lineker for showing his disapproval by severing all ties with them. Hopefully they'll stick to immigrant bashing and miracle cancer cures in future.

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New boys, old boys, and soon-to-be old boys

It's occurred to me over the last few days that David Cameron's imminent appointment as Prime Minister is a bit like when Chairman George assumed control at CUFC.

Don't laugh, it makes sense when you think about it: Nobody was convinced putting either of them in charge was a brilliant idea to begin with, but both ascended to the top job in the absence of any better options, leaving the rest of us to cross our fingers and pray that they don't screw up too badly. That didn't really work out so well in the case of good old Mr Rolls, so we can only hope Cameron doesn't follow his lead and clumsily implement massive, unpopular, budget cuts in all departments. Oh, hang on a minute.

If only one of the political leaders had shown as much passion during their election campaign as Jez George has during his walk for change, then maybe the country wouldn't be in this mess. The term legend gets banded about a lot in football, but our director of football is one of the few truly befitting of the title.

His exploits in the name of fair funding for youth football are well documented, and the climax of his walk, last night's all star game, was a wonderful occasion. Of the old boys on show, Dion Dublin was of course sublime, and scored a marvellous goal which may or may not (I prefer may not) have been slightly choreographed. Lee Philpott, shorn of his shocking early 90s haircut, pinged the ball around with precision, while Matt Joseph, one of my favourite players of his era, still looked impressive at right back.

What will have been of more concern to U's fans is the new boys on show. I said on here before that I'm not a massive fan of Naisbitt, and unless he's significantly cheaper I fail to see the point of getting shot of Potter to make way for him. But I'll keep an open mind, as I will on our other refugee from Glassworld, Danny Wright. I don't know anything about James Jennings, the new left back, but as a former Kettering player you would assume he can mix it physically, something Aiden Palmer didn't always do, and which probably contributed to his departure.

Speaking of departures, Gleeson to Luton sounds like a done deal, though Lingy's comments today leave the door open for Crow and Big Brian to sign on the dotted line. Fingers crossed.

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Decision time for the nation (and some footballers)

So after weeks of campaigning, posturing, and mud-slinging, today is the day the men and woman - bigoted or otherwise - of Great Britain go the polls.

Red or Blue, Gordon or David, SaBro or SamCam, one lot of lying, self-serving shysters or the other? Or even the Lib Dems? Who knows, but I for one hope the Conservatives fail miserably, if for no other reason than I want to see what the headline would be in tomorrow's Sun.

Someone who has two big decisions to make today is Dan Gleeson, and one can only hope he is more decisive at the ballot box than he is when it comes to signing a contract, otherwise he could be there all night. According to this morning's Evening News the right back is considering lucrative offers from two Conference clubs alongside the new deal offered by United.

"I'm a Cambridge lad and it's a hard decision to make. It's something I've got to carry on thinking about and I might have made a decision by the weekend," he said, hurridly stuffing the Luton Homebuyers Guide into his inside pocket. "It's not easy, because I've been at United since I was 15, apart from the year away at Notts County. And I've supported the club since I was a kid, standing in the Newmarket Road end."

Players always make these kind of wishy-washy statements at this time of year, but money usually talks in football, and - sadly - it probably will in this case. After all, what's years of standing on a terrace as a child worth when you compare it to an extra £200 per week in your pocket?

If, as has been suggested, Gleese is being offered a substantial payrise elsewhere, I for one wouldn't blame him for taking it. Realistically his career is unlikely to progress above League Two (no offence Dan if you're reading), and at 25 he is at an age where he needs to start maximising income before he retires.

Making a sidesways move is a little unambitious, but it's understandable in this case, and if he does go I'll wish him all the best. I'll be more offended if Crow or Saah, two players who are easily capable of playing in League One, join other Conference clubs. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough which way their votes have gone.

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Ups and downs and ins and outs

Nothing much has happened CUFC-wise in the last week or so.

Various players are ruminating over new deals, others are seeking alternative employment, and Jez George is still walking the length and breadth of the country in the company of a plethora of minor celebrities, but other than the usual deathly calm of the close season has descended upon the Abbey.

It's somewhat busier elsewhere, with the make-up of the Conference play-off finals having been decided in the last couple of days. Alfreton face Fleetwood in the North, Bath and Woking square up in the South, and one of York or Oxford will be joining Stevenage in League Two.

York saw off Luton to make the Wembley final, and as you've probably seen on television, the Luton fans didn't take too kindly to being condemned to another season of trips to the likes of Histon and Tamworth, invading the pitch to try and get at the York fans and players.

The scenes at Kenilworth Road were quite extraordinary, but maybe they will force the Hatters hierarchy to get a grip of their problematic supporters. It may, as chairman Nick Owen has said, be a minority causing the trouble, but it's a sizable minority, and they've been at it all season, as we found out at first hand. There's no place for that kind of behaviour in modern football, and the hefty fine which should be heading their way will perhaps help to lift the collective denial which seems to afflict their more sensible supporters.

From a purely footballing perspective, it would have been better for us had Luton got promoted, as I suspect they are the only one of the four play-off sides who will be stronger next season. Still, it's quite funny that they've got to do at least another year of purgatory, and fair play to the chaps at FC Boro for this amusing little piece rubbing their noses in it.

Meanwhile, the Villagers are on the look out for a new boss, although they apparently haven't told the old boss. Good, professional, stuff from Bridge Road as usual. The brief job advert on their website doesn't give much by way of a personal specification, but presumably anyone with experience in tree surgery will shoot to the top of the short-list.

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U's release retained list & light at the end of the tunnel for the Villagers?

Since the departure of Tony Roach, it's all been a bit quiet at the Glassworld.

No lunatic ramblings about being the biggest club in Cambridge, no sackings of club legends, and no employing amateur aborists, it's all got a bit boring.

But fresh from their heroic escape from relegation (courtesy of, er, Forest Green failing to beat Grays), the Villagers are obviously in a good mood again, as they've wheeled out some other chap to make the bizarre suggestion that they might go full time next year.

"More facilities are available during the day because we don't need them to be floodlit. During the evening we need lights, which makes it more expensive and harder to find the right ones," said Alan Soraff in yesterday's CN. Ahh, so it's floodlighting costs which have got them into a financial mess, I don't why nobody has thought of this before. Instead of going full-time, perhaps they could buy all their players miners helmets with lamps on them. Then they could train anywhere, at any time, and illumination wouldn't be a problem.

Uncle Fester, who apparently still thinks he'll be in a job next season despite a record of three wins in 22 games, also chipped in: "It's easier. They eat together, work together and, to be honest, that is what builds spirit in the club." Interesting that, because Fallon and Beck never seemed to have a problem instilling team spirit into their part-time charges. Perhaps the problem lies elsewhere, hmm.

In all seriousness, going full-time has often marked the death-knell for a lot of small teams without the fanbase to support it and, lighting problems aside, I fail to see how it would make sense for the Villagers.

Over at United, the retained list came on Monday and didn't throw up any big surprises. You can't really argue with Lingy's reasoning, as outlined in this CN article, but one thing which did worry me a bit was the goalkeeping situation, with Ling explaining: "Simon [Brown] has done a great job since he came here and if he signs, I see him as a player-coach, who will also put pressure on another senior keeper."

I kind of assumed Brown would be our only custodian next season, with Laurie Walker or a similar young player providing back up. The revelation that another senior keeper could be arriving adds fuel to the rumours that Danny Naisbett is making the switch from across the A14. I'll be a bit disappointed if we've got rid of Potter to sign that useless lump, but I guess we'll have to wait and see what transpires.

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...and so we face, the final curtain (Alty 0 - 2 U's)

As another season approaches it's zenith, spare a thought for poor old Alan Green.

It must be a difficult life for 5Live commentator Green, whose job involves travelling to Football's biggest matches and watching the individual genius of players like Messi, Ronaldo, and Rooney at first hand. But apparently we don't know just how hard it is.

"This is dire" he lamented during today's Birmingham derby. "It sums up what a terrible Premiership season it has been." And he's got to endure the World Cup next month, bless his heart. If Alan is so unhappy with his lot perhaps he should do the listening public - and himself - a favour and apply his talents to another sport. Like gymnastics. Or fencing.

Mr Green is of course entitled to his opinion, but I don't think you can really appreciate dire until you've seen Andy Parkinson scurry around ineffectively for 90 minutes. And I hate to think what his comments would have been had he sat through the Chester game at the Abbey, or the Eastbourne game, or at least half a dozen other matches United have participated in during 2009/10, a season which at long last limped to a conclusion yesterday with a 2-0 win at Altrincham.

Despite our travails in the middle third of the season, like most fans I go into the summer break with a good deal of hope for next term, not least because of the emergence of Adam Marriott. Super Maz leapt from the bench again yesterday to net two goals to leave Lingy purring; "I think he'll be a product, I really believe it. Goals speak words and the kid can finish."

Goals speak words eh, profound stuff. But I do think the boss deserves credit for the way he has handled Marriott's introduction to the first team. By restricting his on-pitch time he has minimised the pressure on the striker's young shoulders, as well as hopefully keeping his feet on the ground. We've all seen young players who think they've made it before they have - Luke Guttridge being an obvious recent example - and while there will inevitably be big expectations of Marriott ahead of next year, it won't do anyone any good if he starts to believe his own hype.

The other notable aspect of Lingy's post match utterances was the possibility of him bringing in another coach. He's been speaking in glowing terms about Cardy recently, and it will be interesting to see how the dynamic between the two is affected if one of the gaffer's old muckers - Dean Smith or Kevin Nugent for example - arrive over the summer. There's no doubt having another person to sit on the bench with the boss would be an advantage, but on the other hand it could lead to a three's a crowd situation, with Carden being the odd one out...

*Send me your 20-word match reports on the Altrincham game. Email cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under this post.

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Jez begins his yomp for youth

I think we all agree Jez George is a good egg.

Not content with overseeing the youth team which has produced first team players such as Willmott, McAuley, and Coulson, he has today set off on his latest "walk for change" to highlight the inqualities in youth funding received by clubs in the non-league when compared to that available to league clubs.

The unjust distribution of money has long been one of football's biggest problems, and spotters badge awarded to the poster on the CUFC messageboard who spotted this little gem in the Observer's excellent Said and Done column:

Number crunching

• £16m: New increased annual Premier League parachute payments to be made to each relegated club, up from £12m. Payments could be extended this summer from two years to four.

• £15m: annual Premier League contribution to the Football Foundation, supporting grassroots football.

So instead of investing in the grassroots game which, lest we forget, provides many of the young players who make the Premier League the spectacle that it is, they prefer to splurge more cash on badly run clubs like Portsmouth (debt: £120million and counting) who pay mediocre shite like John Utaka thousands of pounds a week and can't afford relegation as a result.

One hopes this selfish, short-sighted, approach will come back to bite the Premier League and it's members in their bloated behinds at some stage, but I'm not holding my breath.

More information on the Walk for change and the Protect Football's Future campaign can be found at; http://www.protectfootballsfuture.co.uk/

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U's 4 - 1 Haze - Growing up badly

None of us are getting any younger. Except policemen. And maybe Cliff Richard.

It was my birthday last week, and while I'm still clinging onto my 20's, I'm beginning to feel the pull of middle age. On Sunday I mowed my own lawn for the first time in my life (that's because I've only just acquired a lawn by the way, not because I usually get someone else to do it), and spent time tidying the shed, feeling a vague sense of satisfaction on completion of my tasks. It's worrying, very worrying.

But I hope that as I get older some things never change, such as the slight feeling of awe that comes with meeting a professional footballer, even a fifth tier one with questionable arm tattoos.

Because before Saturday's match with Hayes and Yeading, I got to shake hands with the great Danny Crow, and the occasion had me stumbling over my words and grinning inanely like a bashful school girl. Danny went on to prove his greatness by netting two more goals as United strolled to a comfortable victory over Hayes, but it was the performance of his strike partner, Adam Marriott, that really caught the eye.

Maz is different gravy, ketchup, mayonnaise, burger sauce, or any other condiment you can think of. He seems to [cliche]have everything in his locker[/cliche], and while he is still a bit immature as a player - as evidenced in the second half of Saturday's game when he brilliantly bamboozled three players but then tried to score from a ridiculous angle when a pass to the unmarked Simon Russell would've left the winger with a tap in - next season I think he'll be making big waves.

Other than that it was fairly routine stuff, with McAuley, Russell, and Palmer particularly standing out. Lingy's comments at the end about "peoples favourites leaving" in the close season suggest that, as expected, the end as nigh for Danny Potter, which would be a shame, but probably not a surprise given the form of Simon Brown and the need to cut costs - I would assume Pottsy is one of our higher paid players.

Elsewhere, Stevenage are in the football league, Man Utd are back in the title race, and Histon are likely survive their relegation battle due to other teams being shitter than them. Forget immigrants or knife crime, if these aren't examples of Broken Britain then I don't know what are, and I'll vote for any MP who promises to come up with a suitable solution.

*Send us your 20-word match report on the Hayes and Yeading game. Email cufcblog@googlemail.com, visit the U's Blog twitter page, or leave a comment under this post.

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Lingy's contract conundrum

Uncertainty hangs over the heads of many Cambridge United players at the moment like a giant cloud of volcanic ash.

The smog is likely to remain until Monday week, when Lingy will announce which of our amber heroes have been offered contracts for next season. In the mean time, because speculation is always fun and I can't think of anything enlightening to say about our meaningless 0-0 draw with Oxford, here's what I would do were I in the manager's shoes. I'm not counting Beesley, Farrell, or Courtney (sob), as Ling has already made it clear they won't be coming back.

Goalkeepers
Simon Brown - CONTRACT: Brown or Potter would both make excellent number one's for next year. But I'd plump for the former because a) he's the man in possession of the shirt, and has done very little wrong since he arrived, b) he's a Ling player, and thus represents a break from the previous regimes, and c) he brings a bit of extra experience to what will probably be a fairly young squad next year. Sadly this means that...

Danny Potter - RELEASE: I love Pottsy as much as the next person, but it's probably time for a change to freshen things up for all concerned. He remains a top keeper at this level, and should have no problem finding new employers.

Laurie Walker - CONTRACT: Or should that be non-contract? Either way, it would be good to keep him on as cheap back up to Browny.

Defenders
Already Contracted: Dave Partridge - Hard as nails centre back. Not a left back.
Blaine Hudson - Giant hot prospect

Dan Gleeson - CONTRACT: A no-brainer really, the only possible snag could be interest from league clubs.

Aiden Palmer - CONTRACT: Definitely has the talent, but for me there are question marks over his physical strength and his concentration - he seems to drift out of position from time-to-time. Worth persevering with though I think, and will benefit from a pre-season not spent at her majesty's convenience.

Josh Coulson - CONTRACT: I'd have said no until recently, but Josh has upped his game over the last couple of months.

Brian Saah - CONTRACT: Again a no-brainer assuming he doesn't get a better offer. Please stay Big Bri'.

Daryl Coakley - CONTRACT: Never let the side down when called upon. Decent back-up.

Kevin Roberts - RELEASE: Possibly a bit harsh, as I've only seen Robbo play twice, but with Gleeson and McAuley in the squad do we need another senior right back?

Midfield
Already Contracted: Paul Carden - Captain/Assistant Manager/Scouser
Robbie Willmott - Occasionally awesome, permanently petulant winger.
Luke Berry - CRC blonde bombshell.

Antonio Murray - RELEASE: Done a few good things (including that great goal against Salisbury) but not enough to justify a longer stay.

Rory McAuley - CONTRACT: Probably our young player of the season.

Jai Reason - CONTRACT: Seems to have taken Courtney's role as the player who most divides opinions among fans, but there's a good player in there if you ask me.

Simon Russell - CONTRACT: Very impressive since arriving from York, his versatility could be crucial next year.

Scott Neilson - CONTRACT (if poss): I guess it's unlikely he'll be hanging around, but would be nice if we could arrange a season-long loan or something similar. Quality player at this level.

Sam Ives - RELEASE: Good coming off the bench, but hasn't been able to influence games on his starting appearances.

Jordan Patrick - CONTRACT: Talented player from the little I've seen. Hopefully he'll get some game time in the next two fixtures.

Strikers
Danny Crow - CONTRACT: Need I say more. The only problem I forsee is that if he has a good world cup it could alert Real Madrid.

Phillips and Willock - RELEASE: Shame we can't combine these two, not least because the composite player could have the amusing name Callee Phillock. A total of two goals between them isn't good enough, we can do better.

Adam Marriott - CONTRACT: Jez George says he's the most talented young player he's worked with, and who am I to argue with the man who unearthed Robbie Simpson et al.

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AOB: Paris St Germain 3 - 1 Bordeaux

Erding nets PSG's second goal (photo (c) www.psgmag.net)

Even though it doesn't have the best reputation, I've always had a soft spot for the French league.

Alright, so the quality isn't really comparable with that of the English Premiership, and the propensity of managers to play 4-5-1 away from home means the goals don't always flow freely. But since Lyon's powers began to wane a couple of years ago, it has become one of Europe's most open divisions.

This season six teams are still in a shot of the title, including reigning champions Bordeaux, who I was lucky enough to see in action last Saturday night at Paris St Germain.

I half-heartedly follow the fortunes of serial-underachievers PSG, who are, as usual, bumbling along in mid-table. This represents a disappointing first season in charge for coach Antoine Kombouare, whose squad includes experienced campaigners such as Claude Makalele and Ludovic Guily.

The atmosphere inside PSG's Parc-des-Princes ground pre-match was akin to that of a funeral. Not because it was quiet you understand, but because the supporters in the Bolougne end of the ground unveiled a massive grey and black flag featuring a mysterious figure known only as Yann. As kick off approached many songs were sung mourning Yann's passing, while several white roses were also chucked onto his banner in tribute.

Mrs U's Blog and I assumed that he was some kind of sinister cult leader, until a fan in an adjacent seat informed us that he was in fact a prominent member of a hooligan groupe anglais casuale who was killed in a confrontation between the Bolougne Boys and PSG supporters from the rival Tribune Auteuil, who stand at the other end of the ground. Astonishing stuff, and something I doubt you'd see in English football these days.

Apart from the concept of supporters fighting amongst themselves, the other major difference between the English and French football experience I noticed was the amount of marijuana use within the stadium. But the game that was visible through the smokey haze was a good one; Bordeaux had the better of the early stage, passing it about neatly without really hurting PSG. But the complexion of the contest changed in the 31st minute when Girondins keeper Ulrich Rame hurtled out of the area and handled the ball under pressure from PSG striker Melvut Erding.

The stopper was shown a red card, and replacement keeper Keita's first job was to pick the ball out of the net, with Sylvan Armand's free kick taking a slight deflection and zipping over the outstretched arm of the guardien.

Guily hit the bar just before half time with an explosive volley, but after the break the ten men had the better of it, with Ligue Une's outstanding player of last season, Yohan Gourcuff, pulling the strings in midfield.

But the reigning champions still couldn't break through the home defence, and then pressed the self destruct button again in the 74th minute. Keita scuffed a clearance straight to Guillame Hoarau, who quickly laid it off to Erding. The Turk, who spent much of the match buzzing around ineffectively like a bee trapped in a jam jar, took the ball into the box before crashing a shot into the net via the underside of the bar for his 12th league goal of the season.

Bordeaux were briefly back in contention when Sane flicked in an 80th minute header from a free kick, but an almost identical goal from Hoarau in the 85th wrapped up the points of the home side. "We drink a beer for Paris, we drink a beer for Yann" sang the Bolougne Boys as the match drew to a close, though perhaps the joy was tempered by the fact that their victory handed the initiative in the title race to their bitter rivals Marseille. It should be an interesting last few weeks in Ligue Une.

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Stuff

Hello all. I'm back from holiday and have returned to a country gripped by ELECTION FEVER. Sort of.

As far as I can tell this election campaign so far has been much like United's season - boring, much too long, and featuring a cast incompetents, none of whom are capable of delivering a positive outcome. Sadly the main difference is that while Lingy can ditch his underperformers in a few weeks time when their present deals expire, one of the political parties is going to be given a new five-year contract to run the country. The mind boggles.

Anyway, in my absence the Mighty U's have won a pointless game against Mansfield (highlights below, looks like it was a cracker), and lost pointless games at Gateshead and Salisbury.



Lingy has been handed his budget for next year, which he considers will put United in the top-eight of the spending league table; "I'd say it's in the top eight budgets in the Conference and I'm happy with that, although I'd say it's nearer eighth than first. In terms of 'is the amount I can spend better than when I came here?', I'd say yes," he told the CN last week.

Sticking to budgets hasn't exactly been United's forte in the last few years, but assuming we can maintain this level of spending, it sounds like a sensible basis on which to build a promotion push. The likes of Dagenham, Aldershot, and (to an extent) Burton have shown that it isn't necessarily the team with the most money that wins this league, and indeed tonight's opponents Oxford have totally lost their momentum since they made several expensive, high profile, additions to their squad in the January transfer window.

It will be interesting to see how a United side, boosted by the return from injury of Saah, Gleeson, Carden, and Crow, fares against the fake U's. We matched them when they came to the Abbey earlier in the season, and hopefully we can pick up at least another point at the Kassam.

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Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio

I considered putting up an amusing spoof post today to mark April Fools day, but United beat me to it by announcing that Blue Square have agreed to sponsor the Conference for another three years, paying a seven figure fee for the privilege.

You'd have to be a right fool to splurge a million quid on backing a crappy league with no TV deal that no one really cares about, they can't really expect us to believe that's true. Marvin's cousin, Melvin, coming over to join Jez George on his walk seems much more plausible to me, ahem.

Anyway, U's Blog will not be updated over the next week or so as I'm going on holiday. Don't worry though, I'll be back in time for the exciting climax of the league season, stay tuned blog fans.

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Come on Luton (and Kiddy 1 - 0 U's)

I miss being in the promotion shake-up; the big games, the big crowds, the decent players, the prospect of Wembley heart break.

Because while we were muddling our way to a (by all accounts dire) 1-0 defeat at Kidderminster last night, the champagne was put on ice at Broadhall Way, with Stevenage coming out on top in their top of the table clash with Oxford to put themselves in pole position for promotion to the promised land. Not that the Chavs would know anything about big crowds, seeing as only 5,700 turned up to see it. Presumably their supporters were all saving their cash for the game at The Emirates tonight.

There really is no justice in a world where Stevenage look likely to go up and we're stuck in this hole for another season. So with Oxford seemingly having blown their chances for the second time in four years, I'm forced to give my backing to that dastardly shower from Kenilworth Road. They're bang in form, and are off to destroy Broadhall Way on Saturday. Anything other than a Luton victory will surely mean it's all over, so though it pains me to say it, come on you Hatters, for the love of all that's good about football, don't let Westley win.

Back on the U's, it's a shame to see our unbeaten run come to such an abrupt halt. "We were lucky to get nil to be honest. We were out-fought and out-thought," cliched a dejected sounding Lingy afterwards.

Perhaps, with safety assured, some of the players had half an eye on Magaluf, or Kos, or whatever chav-hole footballers visit on holiday these days. If that is the case they need to buck their ideas up, especially if they don't want to find themselves unemployed come May.

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