Scouse in the house: Brabin and Carden arrive-la

Sorry about the rubbish headline and picture. Given that we have a new management team from Liverpool, it would have been unrealistic to expect me to get through this whole post without at least one cliched scouse reference. Rest assured this blog isn't suddenly going to be filled with lorra's and gorra's - anyone who's read Micky Quinn's column in the CEN will know how funny that is (ie not very).

So yeah, Brabin and Carden are the new Jimmy and Willy. Like most I don't really know much about our new gaffer, other than that he once broke Jamie Bates' jaw in a dressing room bust up (although anyone who remembers the erstwhile Brentford skipper will recall that he's no shrinking violet). However, I'm sure he's going to be a great success, despite not having a lorra (haha, only joking) experience.

First I know this because it's always exciting when you get a new manager. I don't really understand the doom and gloom attitude of a lot of our fans (and football supporters in general). Surely change is always exciting, what with new players coming in, new systems, even different excuses when we inevitably get turned over by some non-league shower like Stafford or Farsley.

Secondly the man variously known as Sumo ((c) Doncaster fans), the Enforcer ((c) Hull fans), the Brabinator ((c) Southport fans), and, er, dad of Evil ((c)Me) seems to be well liked everywhere he goes, with the probable exception of the Bates household. If anyone still has Sunday's non-league paper, it's worth reading Tony Williams feature on his days with the England non-league team in the early 90's. He speaks with great affection about Brabin, and gives the impression that he was well liked in the dressing room and a major influence in building a good team spirit. Certainly if this is something he can achieve at the Abbey he'll be half way there. And a quick perusal of the Southport messageboard will tell you he had plenty of fans at Haig Avenue, before news of his move south came out when he, unsurprisingly, turned into a parriah of Rendell-esque proportions.

And of course one of the biggest plus points he brings with him is his assistant manager. Carden was immense during the second half of last season, and with him and Evil signed up for next season, the squad suddenly looks much stronger. A spine of Potter - Hats - Carden - McEvilly is as good as anything in the Conference I would imagine, and certainly gives the new man something to work on.

Obviously he is inexperienced, but surely this is better than taking some non-league journeyman like Justin Ediburgh or Glenn Cockrill. No experience is better than bad experience, as our former manager might have said. The Brabinator certainly talks like a manager who's been in the game for a few years. In an interview that was as predictable as Italy boring their way to penalties in last nights Euro 2008 quarter final, he said: "It's a big club, a fantastic club. I've played against Cambridge in the past and whenever I've been here it's impressed me", before assertaining that he is "a winner". Time will tell on that front Gary.

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McEvilly in, Quinn out, new managers, er, shake it all about

Hurrah, we have a new player. Well actually more like a slightly soiled, nearly new player, with several previous owners, but anyway, Evil will be leading our line next season after spurning "options at other clubs" and rejecting the chance to become John Hartson's full time body double to sign a two-year contract at the Abbey.

At this stage any player coming in has to be a positive move, especially one of Evil's proven quality. For the second half of last season he was our most consistent striker, playing the target man role to perfection and bringing others into play with no little skill. He's certainly more than just a big, immobile, lump up front (hello LFW), and should be an asset to the squad. Nice to see he's moving to the area as well, that's the sort of commitment we should be looking for.

Interesting comments about JQ as well, although I guess we should take them with a pinch of salt - it's easy to have a go at the manager who didn't want to sign you after all.

After Evil put the boot into Jimmy, our former manager decided to stick one back on the big man by claiming that “he had a bit of an issue with his weight, he had trouble getting fit after the injury, he lives in Liverpool and doesn’t drive, blah blah.” If he had trouble getting fit, that must be why you chose to play him for 90 minutes in both our last two games, eh Jimmy.

Other than that, the interview is a bit like a mini-version of one of those property programmes, but without Sarah Beeney. “I couldn’t sell my house and move down to Cambridge” confirmed JQ, before intimating that, quelle surprise, his departure was facilitated by the board. As ever the former Northern Ireland international isn’t short of confidence in his own ability to find new employment, ominously warning that he’ll “be giving Setanta a ring to see if they want him to do any commentary on the games.” Hmm, imagine a Paul Parker/Jimmy Quinn combo, bet that’d get subscriptions rolling in.

Anyway, the latest names in the frame to replace JQ include John Deehan (hmm), Justin Edinburgh (bigger hmmm) and Steve King (smaller hmm). None of them exactly get my pulse racing, but there we go, I’m sure the board will select a good candidate. Maybe. Apparently Phil Law wants a shortlist of “three proven candidates with one out of Leftfield”. Quite why he would be interested in an electronic-dance artist as manager is anyone’s guess, but perhaps he could pull a few strings and get a decent P.A. system set up so we in the Habbin could actually hear what’s going on.

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AOB: Never write off the Germans...

We’re thirteen days in, and this is my first post on Euro 2008. Don't take that as an indication that I haven’t been watching or enjoying the tournament – in fact I’d go so far as to say it’s the most entertaining international competition for some time.

Now that France are out I’m not really fussed about who wins, nor do I feel I can offer a considered opinion on who’s going to be the next champions seeing as I tipped both Holland and Spain, two of the most impressive performers so far, to flop. Neither team seem able to defend particularly well, but this doesn’t appear to be holding them back, and their potential semi-final match up should be an intriguing contest.

England’s absence has of course made the Euros a more enjoyable business. No WAG’s, no white van men waving union jacks, and no having to pretend to like odorous individuals like Terry, Ferdinand, and Neville. Nevertheless, it hasn’t stopped our media indulging in the usual stereotypes and cliches – Czech’s have been bouncing, the Swiss have rolled, and if I hear Clive Tydersley utter “never write off the Germans” once more I might explode. Has anyone ever written off the Germans? Ever? Grrr.

Speaking of Tydersley, he and his colleagues were at their unbearable worst during last nights Portugal love in, sorry I mean Portugal - Germany match; “Portugal, surely one of the best attacking teams in the world, are out” averred the commentator, after Scolari’s side had, as usual, passed the ball across the pitch about a million times without doing anything constructive like, er, having an effort on goal. I’d have thought “one of the best attacking sides in the world” could muster more than two shots on target in 45 minutes of football.

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Waffle

I suspect that, if they haven’t done so already, our directors will have perfected the art of saying something without saying anything by Friday.

So far we’ve had Phil Law on potential new managers: “There's certainly not a clear favourite at the moment, although there have been one or two interesting ones,” and Brian Attmore on Jimmy Quinn: “We'll be forever grateful for what Jimmy has done. He has put a pride and belief back into the club on the pitch, and that's a tremendous achievement.” With another two CEN deadlines to go before Jimmy spills the beans on Friday, I suspect there is more inane waffle to come, watch this space.

Having said that, I imagine that the beans being spilled by our former manager will not be entirely truthful beans, if that’s not taking the whole bean scenario too far. In fact, I’ll stick my neck on the line and predict he’ll trot one or more of the following false excuses:

“I’d taken the team as far as I can.”

“My heart wasn’t in the job anymore.”

“We’ve lost a lot of players and I felt now was a good time to move on.”

“Since my son was born my priorities have changed and I want to spend more time with my family.”

Meanwhile the, ahem, race to replace the Quinnster is gathering pace. One hopes that, much like in a horse race, the early front runners will fall away and/or be shot*. If Carlton Palmer or Glenn Cockrill were given the managers job, it would be a dark day indeed for Cambridge United.

*This is a joke. I do not endorse the shooting of incompetent football managers, although I'd probably make an exception for Steve Thompson.

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The art of communication, according to CUFC

As statements of clarification go, this must be up there in the top ten worst of all time.

I realise they are probably hamstrung until JQ returns from his holiday, and indeed if there has been naughtiness occuring, it may be best to keep it under the radar as much as possible. But a reassuring direct quote or two from our chairman would have been nice. As it is, the rumour mill will continue to turn until they deign to throw us another bone or two on Friday. Will the truth come out then? Probably not.

In other news, the CEN are following in their time-honoured tradition of reading something on the messageboard and presenting it as fact re: the possible arrival of Daish and Kimble. But to be fair, they have got some interesting quotes from the former, he doesn't exactly nail his colours to the Ebbsfleet mast does he...

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Quinn out

So Jimmy’s gone, which I guess shouldn’t really come as any great surprise. It seems unrealistic to expect this football club to have more than a year of stability, ho hum.

Like everybody else, I have no idea what’s going on really, we’ll just have to wait and see. But the ongoing rumours of improper conduct and stuff can’t be good news if true – one only has to look at the punishment meted out to Luton to see that the FA love making examples of little clubs like ours. Hopefully if anything dodgy has gone on, it will be the individuals involved punished, not the clubs.

What is certain is that we need a new manager in as quickly as possible, with pre-season training only a couple of weeks away. The absence of players coming in could work in our favour in this case, because the new manager should at least have some room to bring in his own men.

As for the identity of our new leader, I (like most U’s fans I guess) would welcome the return of Daish and Kimble, even though the style of football they play with Ebbsfleet is more effective than pretty. But I’m not getting my hopes up, I’m sure it’ll be the same old faces putting their names forward. I give it two days before Tommy Taylor declares his interest.

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Blah blah blah

It seems that if you are an ex-Canvey player who has also plied their trade at the Abbey then this is a good week to be giving interviews. I for one can't wait to hear the views of Ben Sedgemore and Ashley Nicholls on United's current squad, although I'm not sure whether Nicholls will be able to fit speaking to a reporter in to his busy schedule of eating and being a twat.

Anyway, first up was Frodo telling all about his move to Stevenage. Well actually, when I say all, he didn't tell us much that we couldn't work out for ourselves, although it's always helpful to get from the horses mouth I suppose:

"As soon as Jimmy said to me that I wasn't in his plans for next year my heart just wasn't at the club any more," he told BBC Cambridgeshire, confirming that putting a player on the transfer list then taking him straight off it again is about as motivational as watching the Apprentice's Lee McQueen do his reverse-pterodactyl impression.

More worrying was his comment that "I've got a manager at Stevenage in Graham Westley who was phoning me five or six times and day and really wanted me." I'd have thought this would make most people seek a restraining order, rather than a two year contract, but, er, good luck with the move anyway Lee.

Then today it was the wonderful Danny Potter's turn to give his two penneth in the CEN. You can't really argue with anything he's saying, and it's nice to hear one of our senior players say that "He [Jimmy] wouldn't have let people go without having any idea of who he wants to bring in and we trust him 100 per cent."

However, it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines of the "We all want to improve and people won't want to hang around at the club if they don't want to show the ambition and push on" comment, which I would take as him saying "If you don't sign some good players I'm off". Over to you Jimmy.

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Kerching!

Oh how we laughed/cried/contemplated suicide when JQ announced, in the wake of Frodo’s move to Broadhall Way, that there was “no rush” to sign new players.

“There are loads of players about and there’s no rush to bring people in. I’m getting calls from players and agents all the time, and I won’t be rushing into anything. Why should I do any work until I’ve had another holiday,” opined our leader, sipping a glass of sangria while flipping through the latest edition of Parenting for Dummies.

Ok, so I may have made that last bit up, but it’s still quite a worrying statement coming from a man who had signed about eight players by this time last year. Admittedly our need was greater then than now, but the fact still remains that the later you leave it the less room for manoeuvre you have.

Still, he’s right that there are plenty of competent players out there, and it was a relief to see the great Cambridge United player buying operation swing into action yesterday, with bids for Southend’s ex-Gravesend and Ebbsfleet goal machine Charlie MacDonald and an unnamed player named Antonio Murray from an unnamed Blue Square Premier club named Histon being rejected. Presumably improved offers for either or both will follow.

It’s nice to see we have some money to spend, but we need to make sure we actually spend it on quality players. It’ll be no good if we get to the beginning of the season and Jimmy ends up having to sign some 40-year old Hinckley United reject, while bleating that we made offers for good players but they all went elsewhere. We’ll see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

Also, I think it’s a bit cheeky of the club to pin Boylan’s departure on the player himself. “Lee has made it clear that he wants to join Stevenage”, said George Rolls, neglecting to mention that the striker had been told he wasn’t wanted at the Abbey, only for Jimmy to change his mind we got some unexpected income from the sales of Wolly and Albrighton. Good luck at Stevenage Lee, I hope we won't miss your goals too much.

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U's player in not leaving shock

Hurrah, so Frodo Baggins ((c)Danny Brown) isn't joining Stevenage. Yet. I'm always a bit wary when clubs make their rejection of transfer offers public - it's usually a thinly veiled "bid a bit more and he's yours" message.

But in this instance I'm going to choose to believe that the club wanted to show the fans that we don't have to sell absolutely everybody currently on our books in order to avoid SHOCK FINANCIAL MELTDOWN. Especially coupled with George Roll's bold statement that "no more players leaving the Trade Recruitment Stadium this summer unless it's ridiculous money that we get offered for somebody."

Statements like that have a habit of coming back to bite you in the ass, and I'm not totally convinced we won't see Boylan scuttling down the A1 faster than Ben Farrell trying to avoid a speed camera. But I can hardly have a go at the board for not saying anything and then not believe them when they do say something, so fair play to the boy Rolls.

Personally I hope Boylan stays. I've said on here a few times that I feel he and Beesley are potentially a great pairing (as we saw during the first half of the Torquay game) and with our squad looking skinnier than a post-op Fern Britton at present, it wouldn't seem sensible to get shot of another player of his proven quality. But then again, when has football ever been sensible?

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Don't panic, don't panic

It's ok everyone. Fear not that our squad is another player down, following Wolly's defection to Lee Power's Conference Allstars. Fear not that at present Ben Farrell only has his shiny new contract to keep him company in midfield. Fear not that our hopes for the new season may rest on the slender shoulders and brittle bones of Darren Quinton. Because our leader is back armed with a cunning plan:

"I've got one or two targets in mind, and I would like to reassure the fans that it's all going to plan and you'll see one or two new faces before the start of the season," said JQ, before adding that United are planning to resign from the Blue Square Premier and enter the national Wembley Doubles league. Suddenly our previously slimline squad of 14 players look positively bloated, and having seen this video of our likely opposition I reckon we're in with a good chance of challenging for promotion.

In all seriousness, it's good to hear from Jimmy, even if he isn't really telling us much. Aside from persisting with his 'emporers new clothes'-esque line of "We need to give the young players a chance" he assures us that Wayne Hatswell (or, as we should probably call him following his England captaincy duty, England's Brave Wayne Hatswell) definately isn't going anywhere. Happy news, if only it didn't come a couple of paragraphs after he said: "I've always had a policy as a manager that when there is an enquiry from another club I let the player know then it's down to them." So EBWH is definately staying, as long as another club doesn't come in for him, because then he might leave if he wants to. Great.

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