U's:0 Gulls:2

So, er, yeah, I was kidding myself when I said I could handle us losing if we played alright. There is no honourable defeat in the play-off final; you either win and go home happy, or lose and fall into a black chasm of despair. There is no middle ground.

But make no mistake, we played a lot better this year than last. I guess that's a bit like saying dying by lethal injection is better than drowning, but we were evenly matched with Torquay except in the area that matters most; finishing. While the Gulls took their chances when they came along, we did what we always do when we go behind and started fannying about and trying to walk the ball into the net. Needless to say their keeper Michael Poke wasn't tested much in the second half.

I was so depressed after last years final that I didn't even do a match report, and as such didn't voice my opinions on Wembley Stadium, the soulless home of football. While it's a perfectly decent modern arena, it lacks any kind of character, and when one considers some of the truly unique stadiums built in recent years, such as the Allianz Arena in Munich, I don't think it's unreasonable to have expected more for the near £800million build cost.

Anyway, United started like a team that had enjoyed a purposeful, hype-free, pre-match build up, knocking the ball around and using the full width of the pitch. Courtney Pitt in particular was taking up some great positions on the left, but unfortunately he and Robbie Willmott seemed to have left their crossing boots on the bus. Time after time attempted centres thumped into the first defender with frustrated team mates left waiting in the centre.

Poke was only called into action once, to foil Willmott after he had wriggled free on the right, but other than that our efforts all missed the target, with a Hatswell blaster deflecting wide, Rendell shooting over, and Lee Phillips going close with a left-footer from outside the box that fizzed past the post.

Not that Adam Bartlett was having a particularly busy debut between the United sticks. He confidently grabbed a couple of crosses, but he hadn't been extended before Torquay took the lead. Poke's long clearance was flicked on by Tim Sills to Elliot Benyon, who had time and space to play in Chris Hargreaves. My blogging rival from the South West charged through the Hatswell-shapped hole in our backline, and beat Bartlett with a rising shot from 18 yards. Disaster, 1-0.

Sills had earlier not endeared himself to the United fans by catching Hatswell with a forearm smash, for which he somehow escaped a booking. If his plan was to unsettle our number six then I think it worked, as the Torquay man won the majority of their aerial duels for the rest of the match, and nearly added a second goal before half time only to be denied by a lunging tackle from Dan Gleeson.

The goal seemed to have sapped all the confidence from the United players, and this translated into the stands, where the mood soon changed from cautiously optimistic to decidedly gloomy. One particularly charming chap sitting behind me spent the entire second half yelling "this is s*** United, you've got no bottle", a statement which - though ultimately accurate - was perhaps a bit premature with the game still in the balance.

Part two started with another patch of United possession which was ultimately about as fruitful as the Kiwi tree plant on my patio (ie not very). Rendell almost connected with Pitt's chipped pass, and Gleeson drove in a cross/shot that was deflected behind, but much like the Altrincham game you never felt that a goal was imminent.

And our chances of getting back into the match evaporated on 70 minutes, when Bolly got his marching orders. Having already been booked, he needlessly flattened Benyon near the touchline and was sent off. Five minutes later it was 2-0, as Wayne Carlisle found space on the right, and landed a cross right on Sills' ugly, alien-shaped, head. The sight of Devonian celebrations at the opposite end of the pitch was no less galling than last time.

Where we go from here I don't know. With budget cuts on the way, and the future of the management team uncertain, it looks like it will be another interesting summer at the Abbey. When are the fixtures coming out?

Man of the Match: Dan Gleeson - Solidity personified.









Rip off of the Match: A toss up between £1.90 for a bottle of water, or £5 for a programme which appears to have been copy-and-pasted together in about half an hour.