U's:5 Bloods:0

At least all was well again on the pitch last night, as United got back to winning ways with a victory so comfortable that it could have been on sale in the luxury section at DFS.

Over the last two and a bit seasons we’ve faced some really terrible opposition (many of whom have beaten us) so it’s not lightly that I say that Droylsden are the worst team I’ve seen at Conference level. Usually these part-time sides that come down from some Northern hell-hole you’ve never heard of are at least well organised and hard working, but Dave Pace’s side looked unfit and out of their depth throughout.

I’ll try and be less patronising for the rest of this report, but the fact remains that it’s hard to judge whether this was a particularly oustanding performance given the paucity of the opposition. Certainly scoring five goals shouldn’t do confidence any harm, but one suspects a better team would have taken advantage of the gaping holes left by our gung-ho 3-4-1-2 formation.

Still, you can only beat what’s in front of you and all that, and a home win never looked in doubt after Scott Rendell opened the scoring in the tenth minute. The chavy-sounding Ashley Burberry lost possession on the touchline to Evil, who shrugged off the attentions of Ged Murphy and picked out Rendell, who nonchalantly strolled past one defender before wrong footing keeper Paul Phillips. Murphy was incandescent with rage, and picked up a booking for his troubles after aiming a few choice words at the lino.

The Bloods made a few half hearted attempts at looking for an equaliser, but aside from a couple of crosses which were dealt with by Albrighton, Hatswell, and co, they didn’t get near enough to Potter to seriously threaten the goal. Meanwhile their backline were struggling to deal with Courtney Pitt, who was roaming dangerously around behind the two front men. Several times he was hacked down by crude challenges from visiting defenders, and United’s dominance was such that goal number two seemed only a matter of time.

Evil nearly got it, pushing aside a defender as if he were an oversized weeble, but seeing his powerful shot turned round the post by Phillips. However, Droylsden’s reprieve was short-lived, as from the resulting corner, the ball was worked out to Wolly, who unleashed a trademark blaster from 25 yards which flew into the top corner beyond the despairing dive of Phillips.

Within a couple of minutes of the second half beginning, it should have been three. Rendell controlled a long ball over the top, and played the perfect pass into McEvilly, who whistled a shot just over the bar when he should have hit the target.

But the big Accrington loanee didn’t have to wait long for his first goal in a U’s shirt. Reed and Pitt combined well on the left, with the former floating in a cross that eluded three defenders and allowed Evil to slot home with aplomb. Three became four when Rendell nodded in a sumptuous centre from the Pittster, and moments later JQ introduced ex-Bedford midfielder Ben Farrell for his debut in place of Reed.

Farrell made a good early impression, keeping possession well and using the ball sensibly, unlike Danny Brown, who I’m sorry to report still looks off the pace. Fellow sub Mark Convery buzzed around in an uncharacteristically energetic fashion, and it was his pass that allowed Rendell to complete his hatrick with a neat turn and shot into the bottom corner. That’s 22 for the season now for Scotty, who looked suitably happy to be going home with the match ball.

There was still time for Convery to be denied what looked like a clear cut penalty by whistle-happy ref Hopkins when he was bundled over in the box, and for Robbie Willmott, on in place of Rendell, to shoot narrowly wide.

We’ll need to take this form into Saturday’s game, and while Altrincham will surely provide a stiffer test, three points are still a must with in-form Exeter, and Stevenage on the horizon.

Man of the Match: Scott Rendell – Our latest hatrick hero is destined for better things. But hopefully not for a while yet.








Other Men of the Match: The eleven (I counted nine, so there must have been a couple hiding somewhere) Droyslden fans who made the long trip south in the knowledge that they’d probably get tonked. Die-hards of the North-West, I salute you.